somtimes i think
somtimes i think about roses,
people,fires,animals,and trees
somtimes i think

Enrique,
Emilio,
Lorenzo,

the three of them frozen:
Enrique by the world of beds;
Emilio by the world of eyes and wounded hands;
Lorenzo by the world of roofless universities.

Lorenzo,
Emilio,
Enrique,

the three of them burned:
Lorenzo by the world of leaves and billiard *****;
Emilio by the world of blood and white pins;
Enrique by the world of the dead and abandoned newspapers.

Lorenzo,
Emilio,
Enrique,
the three of them buried:
Lorenzo in one of Flora's *******;
Emilio in the dead gin forgotten in the glass;
Enrique in the ant, the sea, and the empty eyes of birds.

Lorenzo,
Emilio,
Enrique,
the three in my hands were
three Chinese mountains,
three shadows of a horse,
three landscapes of snow and a cabin of white lilies
by the pigeon coops where the moon lies flat under the rooster.

One
and one
and one,
the three of them mummified,
with the flies of winter,
with the inkwells the dog ****** and the thistle despises,
with the breeze that freezes theh eart of all the mothers,
by the white ruins of Jupiter where drunks snack on death.

Three
and two
and one,
I saw them disappear, crying and singing
into a hen's egg,
into the night that showed its skeleton of tobacco,
into my sorrow full of faces and piercing bone splinters of moon,
into my happiness of whips and notched wheels,
into my breast troubled by pigeons,
into my deserted death with one mistaken wanderer.

I had killed the fifth moon
and the fans and the applause drank water from the fountains.
Hidden away, the warm milk of newborn girls,
shook the roses with a long white sorrow.
Enrique,
Emilio,
Lorenzo,

Diana is hard,
but somtimes she has ******* of clouds.
The white stone can beat in the blood of a deer
and the deer can dream through the eyes of a horse.

When the pure forms sank
under the cri cri of  daisies
I understood they had murdered me.
They searched the cafés and the graveyards and churches,
they opened the wine casks and wardrobes,
they destroyed three skeletons to pull out their gold teeth.
Still they couldn't fine me.
They couldn't?
No. They couldn't.
But they learned the sixth moon fled against the torrent,
and the sea remembered, suddenly,
the names of all her drowned.

somtimes shy.
beautiful people make me weird;
the reasons why.

many years ago in the tower of tunselous a man named tunselous was born
he gave birth to androsss ****** parents then he made his way to
rosswell new mexico to see if the ufo was still there and it wasnt
at tall tis but a forrest and a spot were a ufo used to be there was no
ufo so he traveled upwards to find one but instead found thee icy tower
of agnatohniousisoy he wnet on the great ice towar run where he found several dragons but not a single ufo
a man of tis a warden eve e preson seed no matter how hard you look
the ufos will cloak like ice dragons among there once was a man named turok
who find a ufo when looking add that man was me that man was a dino slayer
a king of eriched oreo bread if you know what i mean the point of the matter is
turok did not **** tunselouses parent for no reason then tunselous
said wait turok killed my pairents the warden said yes that is waht he
told me on the nyght we had tea on the icy roads of ufo city
tunselous said wait theres a hole cit7y of ufos the warden said yes
there is tunselous said do you have any left over tea from that night
the warden said no tea for thee then cast tunselous out of window
tunselous falled for inches into a pool of cat eyed johns fisherer
for impaired divers tunselous said wait if i eat theese pills they
will surely give me magic powers tunselous ate the pills and they did
nothing but give him magic powers he used the magic powers for nothing
they were not the ones he were searching many kingdoms ago a man once
said with great tun comes great selous and that man was trokie asked tunselous
if he wanted a robodog and tunselous said yes many kingdoms later tunselous find
the most magic thing that thing was a cat not any cat you see many kingdoms ago
cats were magic he would eat the flesh of cats and gain what litle magic was left in them
he latter went to calling himself tunsalous then he went back to
calling himeself tunselous and on that day he ate many a cat
and i mean many not the many you see on tv but the many catwhips you see for sale at sean johns
apple sale he has evrey year to get rid of his crapy apple computers
many years after sean john would meet on the very spot of the battle
feild where they fought and feasted on goatwich anvicos the goatwich
waS A POWERFUL king a king of druidness and fareness and evilness and
and gun shots in the leg and fair treatment of tunselous and kettlecorn
a bag of human limbs and markers and grocers and ****** enounters
and farawayland and great houses and ufos tunselous relized that
thee king was king of ufos and wnet to asked him for a ufo
and he gave him one and tunsalous studyed how it flyed
for many kingdoms later he discoverd powerfull magic within the the great temples walls of icelion
yes temples and temples and temples temples and temples and temples temples and temples and temples
temples and temples and temples temples and temples and temples temples and temples and temples
temples and temples and temples temples and temples and temples and small children small children were used
for many thing like eating but the story tunselous was not over intell many kingdoms later when a man asked
tunselous if he was a puppet tunselous said tunselous snear and left for a day and came back
to his homeland of akaria where the hut he was born in was the hut tunselous was born in was a small hut cald
tunselous prisom the prisom was a place to eat anything you felt like at anytime you felt like
and i mean anytime
any
time
tunselous traveled to double check on the ice roads but they melted in the sun tunselous drunk
thee blood
they were made of and walked into a stadium and stole mines and huts like the one he was born in like it but
not it like the time he went to the carnavile with ser topemhat (ser topemhat:hey tunselous got a nickle for a ride tunselous: no)
many times of ages ago tunselous traveled to a hut then left to find gold in a mine that did not exist he knw it did
not exist but he wnet anywhy for kingdom is power and power kingdom is the power to control what we belive are granerys
the long celebrated granery special was rice and pancake with a glass olive oil only men of magic get milk and
grand wizards get tea and some hard boiled plates the plate were not to eatbut to eat off of
for many kingdoms and men who day thing of kingdoms would be cast down a sean shower a sean shower was a shower where shawns lived
and bathed and ate the flesh of wales and and somtimes a shawn would *** to tunselous house and they would have *** all day day than he
relized the shawn name was andross and you know who andross was but they did it anyway back to the main topic a house on top of a hill
on top a of a mountain on top of and iceberg on top of a gateway to the best place ever there was only only one way to the best place ever
that is if you were tunselous
evrey day on that day evryone would eat anything they could eat that is how tunselous day started the day that is evreyday the
reason people eat what they want evreyday and not tea or olive oil or milk or rice or pancake or plates or cats or small children
in the words tunselous:
shal not eat u
eat blood of nurses
hav the most *** with any cat you see on the street
use the most elctro sappers in one go
have and eat local small children
do it with a orc
eat u up eat up so good
use magic *****

THAT IS WHY WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT HOW TUNSELOUS GAVE US THE FREEDOM TO EAT WHATEVER WE WANT EVREYDAY FOR AT LEAST 2 HOURS.

if you see any dragon contact tunselous NOW

the details of the next story are witness accounts of what tunselous did to find the lost yew crossbow of agroness

two days ago tunselous was thinking about crossbows when he thought what if there were a crossbow no one could
find what if i found it i would be rich and famous so tunselous went on the internet and typed in lost crossbows
and he saw a crossbow for sale instead of buying it he tracked down the person who owned it and asked him for it he said no tunselous killed him
on the spot and took the crossbow from him and sold it to himself for 800$ but surprise for him he was not rich and famous at least not yet he took the crossbow and
kept selling it too himself so he kept making money soon tunselous made 800$ and spent it on a used crossbow this crossbow
the crossbow he brought was not any crossbow but the crossbow of agroness he took the crossbow and shot it at a wall a few times then he put it in a box
and til this day it is gathering dust.

THAT IS WHY TUNSELOUS IS A MASTER HEADSMEN TO THIS DAY.

i remember riding shotgun
between my ma and pa
mom had on the radio
dad chewed on his chaw

I always rode the middle
Every time in that old truck
I could feel each bounce and bump
Somtimes I had to duck

Ma would play the radio
Jesus music filled the air
Daddy, turned and looked away
Just like he didn't care

Daddy was in Vietnam
He met Ma when he got back
He lost ******* in the war
From a sneak enemy attack

Ma grew up in Jamestown
A small town in Tennessee
Nothing there but the old mine
Nothing much for one to see

She went to church on Sundays
Listened to  WCLC
Jesus music all the time
For the folks in Tennessee

Each Sunday after service
Pa would pick us up at church
He never went inside though
He didn't quite like Pastor Birch

Daddy only owned one suit
He'd had it since the war
He wore it to get married in
It didn't fit no more

The sleeves had gotten shorter
The chest was far too tight
But, since he didn't go to church
To pa....it fit just right

Ma would sit and listen
And I would watch my pa
He'd make faces out the window
Never ever to my ma

Pa had faith, but different
He believed in what he saw
And what struck his eyes in war time
He could never tell my Ma

So, we would go to market
After church, each Sunday morn
Ma would go in shopping
We rush her with the old truck horn

She'd cuss pa when she got back
He'd just smile, enough to say
Let's get home, daylights wasting
There's still chores to do today

When I was nine, well almost ten
Ma got sick, I mean, real bad
She was being called to heaven
And I remember that my Dad

Took me into town to shop
To get a suit and shoes
Before we went he sat me down
And told me the bad news

I cried, for near an hour
Funny thing, my pa did too
I'd never seen this happen
To me, well...this was new

He said, you're ma's a fine one
She's the best person that I know
Now, she's wanted up in heaven
That's all...we need to go

Ma died three days later
Pa phoned up Old Pastor Birch
He told him what had happened
And made plans to use the church

In all my life, I'd never seen
My pa dressed up so good
He said, I don't look perfect
But, I done the best I could

Pa's been gone for thirty years
And you know, I've got his suit
Not the new one that he bought that day
But, the one...he gave the boot

It reminds of the better times
When Ma and Pa and me
would ride out on a Sunday
I'd be shotgun, just to see

I remember riding shotgun
With Ma and Pa, and it was good
Jesus Music on the radio
As I think back...it was good

Written November 2008*

Somtimes when I get bored
My mind starts to wander.
My head flies away to faraway lands
Filled with talking bunnies, skunks, and squirrels
And ticking clocks
Swallowed up.....by alligators.

But even in this rhelm
Of extraordinary things
There is still that boy
Who runs away from me;
My prince charming.

I call to him, To let me in;
To know the secrets in his head.
But still he flies
Into the skies
Of Never-Never Land.

Do you think God can control the waterfall?
Can he stop it from rolling over that cliff and shattering into millions of pieces on the rocks below?
Everything's moving so fast
That push it needed
Can't be taken back

But then again God created the waterfall
I didn't create this
Maybe that means I have even less of control

God didn't create factories
Plastic

God is blissful
Possibly because he doesn't try to control the dying nebulas
He could do it
He just doesn't feel the need to
For some reason
The tsunamis crashed
They just had to
It had it's reasons
Or He did
Anyway

Maybe I could be blissful
Just let go
My heart tells me
And I want to
I resent every having grabbed it

Mother, Father
Why am I whipped
I can't lose anymore blood
I won't
I refuse to anymore
If I let you
I won't survive
And I'll hate you for it
Why do you want me to inherit your scars?

I didn't start it
It's not my fault
I tried
I really did
You never did, though
I won't ever feel guilty for that again
You brought this upon yourselves
But that wasn't enough
You felt that we should lose ourselves too

The ship's sinking
I'm leaving
Don't ever doubt that I would give my life for you
But what good would it be if you plan to set the house on fire, anyway?

I love you
Both
I'll miss you
But the sun's up there
Above the trees
I might even have to go scale the mountains
Head straight to the ocean
Someone else will probably be heading the same way too
I'll ask her to come with me
She'll say yes
When we get there
We'll wait for you

I'll tell her about both of you
The house where I lived
My heights are marked along the doorframe
My teeth lost in jars, somewhere
Our smiles caught on film
One day if we ever find it
I'll show them to her

The path we long ago made from the forest
Hasn't been crossed in years
The dust and dirt that formed it
Have been grown over by grass

I talked to the bears
You'll pass peacefully

The monkeys
Will show you the way

The wolves
They'll take you food for the long journey

They tell me there's nothing out of the usual with the forest
No one coming this way
It's a shame
I miss the both of you

Her and I
We're building our own family
We gave them unused names
They deserve to be themselves

We talk about you quite a bit
I even tell them stories, somtimes

In the morning
We eat
At noon
We swim
In the afternoon
We walk down the beach
And in the evening
We eat again and play hide-and-go-seek
Then we put them to bed
And me and her walk down the beach
It's beautiful, I wish you could see it
There's one point where the water's still
And the moon reflects perfectly on it
Then we go back
We fall asleep

And we happen to wake up
Usually when the sun's rising
The way the sky is yellow
It reminds me of you waking me up
Mother

And at times
When we go to bed
Early
The sun'll be setting
And the way the sky is a bit purple
It reminds me of you putting me into bed
Father

The other day I was thinking about why I liked both of them so much
And I figured I'd write it down
Then, if you ever got here someday
I'd remember to show you what makes me cry
It's something only she knows about

Don't worry
Though
I'll see you soon
Someday

I don't take life too seriously
more like popcorn and cotton candy
My writing is raw and somewhat simple
Not real acne, just a pimple

Funny sometimes
And sometimes very dark
An awful lot to say
About a broken heart

Sometimes happy, sometimes sad
Somtimes very angry and  mad

Ill always find something to write about
Whether it's the ocean or love or a case of the gout

I'll keep writing, I'll never hold back
Unless they take me off my Prozac

somtimes I dream about flowers
about their golden petals
and their green leaves
how they're swaying
in the soft wind

but do the flowers dream about me?
about my golden hair
and my blue eyes
how I'm swaying
under all that pressure?

do they see me in their dreams
how I'm crumbling
under all this weight
like they would
under heavy rain?

I like to think they do
just like I dream about them
and maybe just like I marvel at them
they see beauty in me too

sometimes I dream about flowers
and sometimes flowers dream about me

Imaginary Diary

Wed, Oct 5, 2011

Back from the worst roadtrip of my entire life.  And an era ends as I sit ALL ALONE in this big empty house.  At least it isn't raining, so I can go in the backyard and build a big fire to cry in front of...


Here Be Me

out fades the fire, no longer reaching higher, merely old and tired, moved on from trying to crying, an era ends, and how to begin again?

yet death has not yet stolen the last breath, hope and prayers still befriend the living, and everyday miracles may still find the giving...


alone is a strange energy
almost alien to me
although it didn't used to be

lone wolf howls again?
prowls again?

kaleidoscope of feelings,
how to make meaning?

I like Me as much or more
than ever before
and I no longer keep score

lone wolf howls again?
prowls again?

hurt but not quite reeling,
what's the meaning?
can I manage the damage?

I scream
You scream
We All scream
for Ice Cream
but that does not balance the beam
does not quite Amen the dream.

And now my life changes again
rearranges yet again
Lone Wolf?


Thurs, Oct 6, 2011

"I mourn not moving into another decade, but at the end I've been betrayed, not good enough, not enough stuff, not the right house in the right city. given everything I could, done anything I can, but not trusted, accused of acts I did not commit, abandoned and alone again, except for the responsibilities, and bills, and animals, and an empty house full of stuff, and memories of what was supposed to be" -- miscellaneous anonymous old divorced dude


Have you ever noticed how close onesome is to lonesome and that together rhymes with forever?



Fri, Oct 7, 2011

Heart Broken yet again,
  far from the 1st time...
I know what to do
  & kinda how to do it,
    I guess...


****, this is going to take some serious time!!!!
(can I manage the damage)


How far is far enough?
How future is future enough?

head hanging down
  as does the soul inside
face fallen in a frown
  as the heart's tears are cried

looking & leaning above the abyss
  living the loss that leaves less
refusing not to feel this
  there shall be no numbness

hurt too many times
  to soothe with mere rhymes
but healing always happens
  hope never dies a final death
(I can manage the damage)


How far is far enough?
How future is future enough?

Once or so upon sometime
  boy met girl
    and his world went whirl.
Stars sent sparkles through the smog,
  moonlight went right through the fog.

And they asked Clint,
  what's so different?
And his simple silly smile said,
  are you really so numb dumb in the head?

Are you really only able to see
  the fine firm exquisite curves outside
and not the even more amazing beauty
  singly sweetly from the soul inside?

Just look closely
  into gorgeous intensity
    get swept into a deep brown sea
      and wonder at the world she sees!

And when you linger longingly on those luscious lips,
  don't just wish for a tender hot kiss.
Want the soft breath-touch of her spirit,
  and the words within which you'll hear it!

They may not realize what I see,
  but those eyes have looked at me.
And I sit in the dark and wonder,
  could my spark ever touch her?


When can it be Then again?

Because if a guy is extraordinarily lucky, every decade or two he might meet someone as amazing as you.  And if he has the chance to become more than friends, he HAS to try to make that reality.  If not, he HAS to know you in whatever way possible, as deeply as possible, to enrich his Life & Soul!


Flirting

Emotions mixing like potions
Imaginings made more potent
Did you see her?  She looked at me!  A lot!  We smiled with our eyes and our lips and our words and it was real!  It may have meant more to me than it did to her, but it was still real!


Somewhen

Wonderings About A Wonderful Woman

Dipping a heart in the Rush
     of the early life of a Crush.
Past the point when you'd just met
     & maybe not even spoken yet.

It's after you know there's something about her
     that's at the awesome end of special.
When you want to know all about her,
  learn the glow within the sparkle!

You find yourself wanting way less waiting
     between the moments you get to see her
and you're always antsy anticipating
     the next time you're able to talk to her.

You hope for her Happy
     and pray to be a part of it,
       an important part!

You ache to ask her for a date
  and hear her say okay, great!
You wish that that beginning
  turns into every evening
until oh so soon
  on an unknown afternoon
you both find you're destined
  to be much more than friends!

And inbetween the start and that part
  as you learn to hear each others' heart
there are a millionish questions about her
  you can't wait for time to answer...


Does she like mexican food?
  and sushi too?
Will she gag if you call her dude?
Has she ever done Mongolian BBQ?

Has she ever searched for seashells
  between the incoming swells?
Does she like getting flowers?
  What's her favorite flower?!

Does she like skating
           swimming
          whistling
           hiking?

Does she have brothers?
sisters?
younger?
  older?

Has she ever fallen on her **** in an ice rink?
  or played in the snow til your fingers can't think?

Does she love road trips
  for the destination
    and all you may learn/see
      along the journey?

Where has she travelled?
Where does she want to travel?

Does she like sharing dreams
  the moment you awaken?
When it still seems
  they really did happen?
                        
What animals does she love?

Mittens or gloves?

Does she love hugs?
  LONG hugs?!

Is she ready for me to want to stare at her
  (mmmmm, have you seen her?)
And does she know how
  to keep hearing “WOW”?

Does she like reading poetry?
  especially when it's about her / inspired by her

Will we share the joys and traumas
  the sillys and dramas
    that have made us us?


Will she excitedly show
  all of her old photos?

Does she believe in GOD
  and ghosts
  and eternal souls
  and True Love?

Has she ever prayed for me?
Does she know I've prayed for her?

Will we show not just our strengths
  but also our weaknesses?
Tell our awes
  and our flaws?
Share our laughs
  and our tears?
Whisper our hopes
  and our fears?
Even though it allows the other to truly see
  and brings tender vulnerability?

Will she let me provide what help I can
  for not only wants, but also needs
can she depend on this man
  for not only wants, but also needs
can she accept every effort from Clint
  and still know she's independent?


Does she like:

  --cuddling huddling together beside the fire, wrapped beneath the same blanket, holding hands, somtimes speaking softly about memories, hopes, fears, desires, sometimes simply staring at the spastic random wild dancing of the flames while listening to the crackles & pops & the night sounds from just beyond the circle of light?

  --a lazy afternoon on a summer beach, toes digging in the hot sand, breeze blowing sunshine across the skin, waves waiting to be watched and frolicked in?

  --being at the beach on a damp winter's day, sitting on a lifeguard tower just out of the reach of the rain, sometimes wondering at the miracle of the wild waves, dark and frothy, whipped by the wind to lunge upon the shore and race towards the tower only to tire and recede once more into the tide. Sometimes basking in the heat of each others' hands, eyes, lips & kiss, flying in the feeling?

  --walking along the beach in the moonlight of a still-warm summer's eve, holding hands as we wade in the waves, toes tingly with the spritz of the sparkling water?

  --watching a sunrise fill the skies of a desert dawn?
  --watching the sun set as it dives from the clouds, drops behind the mountaintop?

  --camping in the mountains, or by a lake, miles and miles from the encompassing glare of the city lights, within our private tent at midnight, comfy cozy cuddled close within 2 sleeping bags zipped into  1, marvelling at the stars spread out above the mesh ceiling?

  --walking hand-in-hand in a light rain laughing at the secret which only we know, that this cool warm drizzle, this tingle-mingle mist is the perfect place to kiss?

  --Las Vegas after dark?
  --reading to each other in the park?
  
  --short romantic messages?
  --exchanging random massages?

  --live comedy?
  --movie matinees?

  -- what's her favorite type of TV?
          comedy/drama/reality?
          food/cartoons/nature documentary?

  --a comfy couch where we fall sleep curled together with a shared blanket and maybe even some spilled popcorn?

  --disneyland?

  --silly errands at 1am?

  --talking through the night until the dawn?

  --sharing a shower, the water cascading across her unbelievable beauty, caressing every curve, glistening on her sweet sensuous skin and driving me deliciously delirious with desire?


What is her favorite color?
What is her favorite thing about her?

Who is her oldest friend?
            her best friend?

If she had one wish, totally selfish, just for herself -- what would it be?

Fuzzy PJ's or naked under a soft warm blanket?

Would she dance with me at home
  just the two of us
where we can be dorky
  or not good
    and just have fun?


Does she realize the HER of her eyes
           her smile
           her glow
           her lips
  the dreams of her fingertips?

Does she know that as impossibly amazing as it may seem
  my instincts sing to me
  that she's even more beautiful on the inside
  than she is on the outside?
  And have you SEEN her outside????

Would she want to hear me say
  you're sweet smart funny beautiful and hot, mmmmmmm  HOT
    and you will find True Love & Happyness
      because You Deserve It!

Does she want someone to want her
  emotionally spiritually physically?
Does she want them to wonder what she wants
  discover her innermost inner?
Want them to desire her joy
  so she can be joyous?
Does she want them to want to kiss her all over,
  caress her everywhere,
  squeeze her perfect *** with ultimate passion,
  dream of her arms and awesome legs around them,
  her bare ******* pressed against their chest,
  sing themselves to sleep with images of her lips,
  and imaginings of her sweet sweet kiss?
  

And maybe if we're lucky
  or meant to be
Somewhere in there
  “like” blossoms
    becomes Love!

if i were a little taller
maybe i could be big enough to be your sun
if i grew a few inches overnight
i would be able to fix that broken light
i could talk to people without
hurting the back of my neck
i could reach that blue canvas above
i could see the city
the endless stretch of a green scenery
in all of it's light and glory
maybe if i were a few inches taller,
i could strut that outfit
without looking like a
child straight out of the 90s
i could run faster
towards that goal
i could dream higher
i could finally stand out
you could spot me in that picture
with the face i drew earlier

but i guess
i'll just be down here forever
that girl who was nothing more
than a person below your elbow
somtimes i walk alone
and i feel like the world is drowning me
although i see the sky
and it keeps on screaming
"this is vast"
"this is yours"
"the world is yours"
but i cant always feel that way
i cant feel among you
when your arm is resting
on my shoulder
it pushes me further
into the ground that holds
all of the demons that'll tell me
that im not good enough for this world

i am not a barricade
i am not a post
i am not a doll
i am not an object
i want to see what's in front of you
i want to be seen
but i guess
i'll just have to accept
that this will all i will ever be.

The pictures in my head are monochromatic some of the time. They run at speed and then slow down. Sometimes I see people I've never met. Somtimes faces I don't want to remember. Then flashes of colour and noise and pain. Then I wake and fear the day.

Sometimes I wonder what you are doing.
Then think, it does not matter to me.
Sometimes I wonder why you are even in my space

My words, they cease to rhyme
You!
Are always on my mind
Is this me in decline?
This feeling its so sublime

Sometime I wonder what you are thinking
Do you sit and wonder about me
Like I ponder about you
Wondering what you do

Do you like me
Remember the soft touches
The passionate clutches
The lovers embrace
You lips on mine I still taste?

Sometimes

I do wonder what you think
When you are not near me

I am glad you will never leave my side
I love you.

Somtimes I do wonder.

I counted back from ten inside my head
whising you were still laying in my bed

She smiled at the stars like they knew all her darkest secrets
and all the hopeless kids on the street laughed at me
because deep down inside we all knew the universe didn't

Being reckless became a part of my life
somtimes my hair was navy blue and other days it was black
I loved the smell of danger and I liked being afraid

I wish we could start all over again
we would lay down together
surounded by pink flowers and a ***** mind

You could never keep your mouth shut
or say something positive

this boy hated the world and everyone in it
except for me

and thats why I felt like the most special person
in the world whenever I was near him.

sometimes i drink, to simply drink...
and find myself: absentee doing the nod...
the drunk will, nod,
akin to a ****** addict...
before he claims to remember
a blitzkrieg of thought from the monring:
would it be better...
that i drink expensive alcohol...
and become a...
no... i somtimes drink in order to tow myself...
i was hopig for some grand adventure
hopping... nay nay... hope-ing...
****... hoping... when ut's not underlined...
what's the "nod" or the "nodding"?
well... meet me in oblivion if you want...
and we can chorus: amen!
i drink because: even if there was
a "drinking buddy"...
no... not today, not tomorrow:
noi leftover Tuessday...
i drink and ensure that i'm alone because...
how else to drag the reflective self
along: suffix... always missing
the prefix and the self- reflexive...
constant... ****-buggering reminder!
drinking alone is like...
a clarity of "solipsism"...
and the world became a better place...
when michel de montaigne only
wrote about himself...
i don't own a book...
but i'm pretty ******* sure...
the 12th rook for life...
it's hard to walk the streets...
to acquire a petting of one...
a cat is not a dog is not a leash
nor a muzzle...
i drink... because...
i... i drink the cheap **** god's ****
for the sole reason that i will
never become a connoisseur...
the more expensive the bundle of "york"...
the lesser the viking invasion...
to be drunk is to be uninhibited:
to be... dishibited...

nigh-quen-dough?
oh right... queenies and the brazilian
overload...
lament the shadow people...
first comes first:
as always the rice per....
the starving bowl...
or; riddle...

fore! a bubbling sense of what's
to become of an iceberg!
and...

best i drink alone...
this sort of drunk needs no conversation...
timidity via the saved
crumbs from the slanted table...

it's not a champagne flute!
it's a glass elongated...
cider and some whiskey
to signature it...

better alone...
it's called the lighthouse -
and... there's no cat involved...
and...
when the moon...
full-faced... preteding to hide
behind a cloud...
turns out all... milky...
and the night is only
just beginning...

no none of this...
will ever resolve itself within
the confines of an award ceremony...
the lesser life...
the closet life...
the everyday purr-and-life...
i drink because...

i'm tired of... what other people want...
i drink because i'm titred:
what other people have...
better i "clarified" myself
and became a cleft...
become... a bergman thespian...
all black & white and ****...

i'm just... tired...
before the cross! in the shadow
of a giza pyramid!
before you came!
after you so come!
i'm tired of bow-tie & tux
expectations -
i'm tired... the least of my drinking
patterns give me...
ambrosia... and gymnastic agility
to call: 5pm... the 9pm when
my brain thinks itself wholly material...
and the soul; somehow: dies...

i drink because i'm tired...
i prefer to drink alone...
i'm vaguely democratic...
tyrant: yes... tirade.. double up on!
otherwise: that spezialz plazez of
the sober... god given...
democratic citizens of hollywood
centralz...

drunk moi:
+ cat
+ cartwheel
+ l.s.d.

            to sink a titanic with: an evil eye...
borrowed from a persian myth...
also: the inability to digest...
heaps of pseudo-gravel...
some call it couscous,...

i drink in order to find the imitation
of drowning...
or... the quest! for gills!

lesser thoughts and the more disgruntling
efforts: picasso smiles...
i drink and i will pursue to drink...
because...
sober is a bypass... otherwise sober is...
kosher salt... play-dough...
blindman's backgammon...
puff-pastry's summons!

sink the titanic... and the tel aviv
contort.
have your way...
because... even now...
helmut spinoza... back then?
heresy... right about now?
a toothpick's concern.
it's called a fork and knife...
you'd pike and knife it as being cut...
later...
rather than pinching all the way through.

i'm tired of the jews being shadow people...
i'm tired of the jews being...
conspiracy theory NPCS...
they have reclaimed Israel..
they want to wrestle with god...
the **** is h'america to be necessary
to conform?
the ******* payot harem?
only the hasidi jews are the literate
people of the world?
                                                     hafiz?
chosen people: yup...
zee spezialz....
        spaz bastardadoughdoughdo or don'ts.
sink the titanic...
give me... the ******* mirror...
i'll sonner die than
cleave myself to the lesser demands
of man... via hey-zeus cha-cha bistro from
a cross... *******-wacking feudal... and an ism!

Sometimes I wish that feelings were optional.
We choose when we use them.
Maybe down a grey pill with water,
wait for the moment our hearts stop beating.
Not literally but you get what I'm saying!
If I didn't have feelings,
do you know where I'd be right now?
Don't worry,
I don't know either.
Maybe I wouldn't love the one who hurts me,
deal with the physical and verbal abuse,
wouldn't take no for an answer.
Maybe I wouldn't be scared anymore.
Feelings get in the way of things,
they hide away
and at the moment you don't need them, they come out.
Ruining everything.
Do you ever wish that?
To be able to go along life,
feeling no pain nor worries..
Yet, it's quite obvious that,
that will never be.
Feelings are what make us human correct?
That let us fix our mistakes..
To feel.
But somtimes I can seriously say,
Feelings. ****.

I think i'm gonna go
right out this door
right now

i am sorry

sometime I can't
stand no
stinkin' poems anymore

please forgive me

I can't take
any more
of this nonsense

and it's getting

old

somtimes I can't
believe this is all
that there is

and you are with me

this is yours
that is mine
written to a song

and it's getting

old

and it gettin

old

and it's getttin

old!

I hate days like today, you know that, days were everything seemed good then just one thing after another are or go completely stupid but I feel I have no right to complain, whats the point anyway, what good does it do, and somtimes I fear I make no sence at all..

home is where you are loved.But somtimes we dont get to much of home and must go back.

is that they can't love you, they can at least fear you,
that's the least they can do, fear you...
what loves desires
what love fathoms,
what love despises.
       better they fear you than care
to utter the word love
without the verb,
better than you could have....
have said it,
and let the word run loose....
and be turned into nun...
   shallow grave, whatever is said
of love...
        love, love, love,
what a paraphrase that can only
vouch for a heart-attack.
to beast, and the wicked witch:
there is no beauty and mortal
whim to speak of...
   i, the beast, among the witches' brood,
satiate with the prune tongue,
and for once said: of my years
as a 20 year old...
     you were no mother unto me aged
in the years that said:
    i ought to be California...
        and you the careless princess
that needed saving...
          when people decided to state
that their misery was foremost,
and i was told that my misery was last...
and i felt a ping stating that i was sub
and they were human...
that's when, they all seemed pretty *******
fickle in my eye, english with thai
lady-boy girlfriends, i was like, huh?
you want to practice martial arts?
how about i **** your mama goodnight
with the given divorce laws?
your daddy isn't ******* anything more spectacular
than what was he sold at the carboot sale
with the next of kin, and the teapot,
or how they scale it down to constant schooling,
the Dutch, and the Marococoans...
and behavioural patterns, later implemented:
least understood... *****-*****?
listen... the human concept of law
means you'll somtimes break it...
  i don't like where humanity is dictating us,
to what direction, i'm no possessor of the subconscious,
it's enough i have the sub-human...
so i migrate and then am told: just so long as you
behave... Belgium in the Congo...
well behaved, are we? no? too bad... *******!
white boy had been too finnicky he thinks its bad
white girls libido is rampant and importing
african ****... you wonder though...
so these african migrant are so desperate to enter
europe, what made the jews so lazy to leave
europe and make europe the consecration ground
for a holocaust?
just asking.... i'm naturally bemused...
i have no actual answer.
and i'm also drunk, which also makes up for me
asking: did the jews have no existential parameter
to be as desperate as north africans akin to *****
travelling across the mediterranean sea in inflatable
boats?
   oh i'm not prone to defending european women,
i'm way past doing that chore...
   i leave Disney doing it / toying with it...
i can't be bothered with it...
    just about the time she called raising children
to be a job... right about then
i started thinking that she needed a middle eastern
husband to tell her what she was missing,
if she was missing anything at all...
i'll give it a few years and drink them away
and smoke my cigarettes while
she's left to her affairs of faking
"thinking" about it; i'll do my faking also,
i'll just "think" of the Aztec civilization,
and later say: Brazil!

Somtimes I ponder on the thought of what could have been
On how different things would be
On how you out of all people, you have always placed a smile on my face
I ponder on what could have been
I ponder on the differences
I ponder on the future that could have been happening
I ponder on the now that would have changed our lives but the things I ponder on didnt happen
The differences are different
The future is already arranged for something else
The now is already happening
But the one thing that remains always is the smile that you placed on my face
My love
The thing that keeps me going sometimes are the silly things you would say
The funny things you would do
The changes you have made.
See you are unique
You are a one of a kind
Your mind is expanding in ways I would have never imagined
Your heart beats more peaceful and calmer than ever
You have changed in a way that makes me see you as a better and extraordinary person
See you have changed but also have changed my feelings for you
You have changed my way of thinking in a way
You have impacted my life to a level where
I feel like the sun itself hugs me
The moon says hello
The stars brighten up my night
The clouds give me that extra push
See you have done all of this by just placing that one smile on my face
So thank you for everything
Thank you.
A million times, thank you.
You truely are someone in which I wouldnt mind to ponder on.

Song & Dance

I am the singer of simple rhyme
writing thoughts staying in time
remembering emotions of days gone by

try telling a story a tune so sweet
wishing the words knock you of your feet
sometimes so deep down that they make you cry

turn it all around once again
twin guitars can make you spin

she was a dancer in my dream
bright red lips and skin like cream
she had every move a lover could need

educated woman with soft blue eyes
the way she moved behind a disguise
she picked my number I had to concede

turn it over one more time
garden of words perfect rhyme  

we were made for each other we were the perfect match
was this all for real there must be some sort of catch
rolled into a cloudless sky could not pass this chance  
in my dreams we were the perfect song and dance

like a double mirror my songs reflect me
hidden thoughts disguised so you cant see
but it is all there you just have to look

in the desert of life somtimes you get lost  
for every hope there is always a cost
never be sorry for the chances that you took

never seen such a beautiful smile
close my eyes for just a while

we were made for each other we were the perfect match
was this all for real there must be some sort of catch
rolled into a cloudless sky could not pass this chance  
in my dreams we were the perfect song and dance

Gomer LePoet...

once upon a clock
my house was but a pile
of cards
dealt badly to me
or so i thought
but as time rolled by
riding a mossless rock
i was inclined to think
i could rebuild my deck
using a straighter arrow
and some crazy glue
and make a  cosy nook to
theorize and dissertate
on the new and better
portion, for to sit on
my plate.
for as the wind blows
it can bring fortunate things
of gilded dust and dedelian
wings.
sonetimes it is the choice that matters.
and somtimes it is ok
to just sit on the dock
and watch it all blow away
but don't watch kettkes.for they are just introvert and shy... now the toaster however
is a pop up kinda guy.
ok so now this garden path is leading somewhere a tad weird
down past the zen all calm and white mountains
to the quirky and a little bezerky secret garden
wall and locked where all the gnomes have ned kelly beards, and the lions are dandy and a titch randy.
the dragon snaps are snippity and the roses
are just **** posers and the camelia's would **** for a good cup of tea.

but enough of the garden tour,
we needs must be giving attention to the
matter at hand tho sleight as it be
we have a house of cards to rebuild

Think you are easy
You are wrong.  
But I would never
I don't have that
Whatever you have
Burnt your love letter
A good thing to lose.

Listen to the soft sounds of my soul
the fall, rise, and crash of
wave against wave of emotions

What do you hear?

At times I hear doubts
I walk through adversity
somtimes I crawl
many times I fall
but always sprawl
my way back to the top

I listen to the soft sounds of my soul
the rhythmic dancing of
doubts and decisions

I hear life whispering
for me to step forward
So I walk on two legs weak
to fate

Listen soft
What sounds does your soul make

© Priya Nov 5, 2015

They say we are like flowers
Different colour
Filled with powers
And hidden dolour.

A human being
Can be weak
Not always Wellbeing.
And somtimes bleak.

i don't have the patience to gamble...
i couldn't sit there and tempt fate...
or predestination -
make a joke from karma -
but i'll somtimes make a quid's buckle
worth better spent nonetheless
spent on a bet...
i heard this metaphor before...
but apparently it's new...
the bet? well... either the home team
wins... or the away team wins...
but both teams need to score...
it's a quid... i had the most joy
finding a 20 quid banknote on
the pavement once...
that too was a "bet" regarding where
and at what speed i was walking...
i don't gamble...
i don't gamble on horses...
i don't gamble on dogs...
the odds are... as always the same
plateau of odds...
a bit like attempting to catch
a mosquito by the testicles wearing
boxing gloves...
elephant memory:
i know these words are not mine...
but... for the time being:
they must be mine...
i don't gamble because i don't like
to make a summary of karma:
this cosmic wind of causality as merely:
best be entertained by a gamble...
i don't gamble because...
i could never make it into a habit...
i could never attempt to find
a needle in a haystack...
sooner i'd be willing to catch
a breath of the wind while running
naked with a flute to hear
the flute resound with my breath being
missing...
eh... forget the flute... running
naked with a half-empty bottle
of cider... at the right angle...
i'll catch the wind playing its first
musical instrument!
why didn't i find fun in driving a car?
i would prefer a bicycle -
and a horse -
i never found fun in gambling...
flipping a coin and calling: heads or tails
was always more fun...
i never liked chess - i never warmed
up to it... draughts... sudoku... backgammon
and mahjong...
poker... a game of chess is hardly
intuitive... it's not: heir-sein...
it's such a detached monstrosity of...
labyrinths...
you can't make a mistake in the present -
and in the same present correct it -
since there's the narrative -
the cascade - i'd sooner be bound to reading
a book...
i don't own a car... because i don't mind
taking the bus...
although i'd settle for a bicycle and i'll still
dream about a horse...
gambling... to have to devaule cosmic concepts
akin to karma -
no grand yawn from the depths
on my behalf... this same old same old:
same mediocre...
middleground, haystack claimed this
body beyond any to come
anticipations from Everest...
this life that eventually has to become
an introspection...
and that's of course - minus what's sacrificed
on the altar of collective memory -
the other's whim of memory -
down the line... when only introspection
matters... and no one is really invited...
how sad it must be...
to have attempted certain feats in this life...
for... a yawn from the mountain
and a transient ref. point of some other
minding his journalistic integrity
of: duly noted?
it's not so much a "vanity project" critique...
but... i try to perfect the most basic
tasks... like rolling tobacco while walking...
something i can retain and invite myself
back into: from the devoid of self external
world...
to have ambitions akin to: climbing a mountain...
and what if that doesn't attract
journalistic voyeurism?
what then? apparently after the feat...
humanity as the mountain yawns or simply
ignores...
gambling... what is it, that's ncessarily "won"?
when all that's won... has to be...
gifted upon death's altar...
beauty, wisdom...
everything - imagine if death was corrupt...
and somehow allowed transactions
of future investements - akin to:
beside the two coins for charon -
a mummified body to add grit and wager!
death at a turkish bazar!
gamble or haggle -
beside: do we really need an opera house...
for someone to sing an aria?
i'm very much worried about: investing
in something - while at the same time -
finding to self-gratification in due process -
having to linger for third-party journalistic leeches
to make due summaries...
in the end... i don't really gamble...
1 quid a week...
on the already stated chances:
a bit like attempting to catch a mosquito by
the testicles wearing boxing gloves...
a world-wide renowed d.j. will earn
about 100,000 million a year...
i like being my own d.j. -
a tennis player will earn... this much...
but a ping-pong player... will only be seen
at the olympics...
tennis: a game of 7 rectangles and...
11 judges (enough for a football team)
and... 6 ball boys / girls...
and why would i even want more money?
spend it on what?
i'll buy a pair of shoes when the shoes
i'm wearing will start to wear down...
it seems that after a long enough time -
you: neither forget - nor unlearn the basic
propensity for spending money -
earning it very vague -
spending it is even more vague -
luxury items become: tacky -
there's a reason why champagne is champagne -
once tried: forever abhorred...
in terms of meat: it's not what meat it is...
it's how you cook it...
no good butchering an argentinian cut
of steak if you'll make: roast beef from it!
then again: i never liked spending money...
and... i never managed to acquire
the companionship of the opposite ***
that would otherwise spend it for me...
oops? i don't like restaurants because:
i much prefer to see myself wash my hands
before i start to prepare a meal...
on the topic of clothes...
i sometimes look at my cats...
the same furr - day in - day out -
why would i dress for a season - marry myself
to trends? that doesn't invite the accusation
that i do not wash myself -
or that i do not wash or iron my clothes -
why... bother fashion that's on a bigger whim
than the ******* weather?!
lately the price of books have gone up...
here's to me not buying a book -
vinyls... jazz vinyls are low...
10 quid a liquorice spin...
but this is nothing that could ever become
consolidated into a home -
but then i'm... too much into my routines...
and: i couldn't ever wish or want...
to keep up with keeping up appearances...
this apathy doesn't stem from a nihilism...
it stems from a depressive lethargy...
depressive lethargy is depression -
when it's not elevated to the romance of
melancholy... and "oh i'm sad"... oh oh...
no... i'm just tired of seeing the usual suspects
of keeping a life make-belief
succint informal casual convo. in a fish & chip
shop *******' worth of antics!
i can be polite to doctors...
oh hell: i'll charm them... they know the diagnosis...
but i'll be ultra polite... because...
i'm the one who will think about
biological cancer as botanical cancer: mistletow...
which it is... if you have ever seen
it in the wild...
i need a woman like i need an ulcer...
esp. the sort of woman that's a tapeworm
of transcendental a priori -
something that i'm "given" without prior
experience...
perhaps for men all women are: a priori specimen...
and for women... oh my god...
there's no a priori man...
there are only a posteriori... without the ability
to cut off a piece of time and themselves included
in it from the grand wheel of fortune and what's
to come: died within a year...
2 weeks after the death she shedded her
widowhood and became impregnated
by an already engaged man:
or some other wild old tale...
in bad, light?
oh... the time i realised that going to a brothel...
was not as rewarding as going
to a turkish barber shop?
that time... well... that moment is still alive
with me... i stopped going to a brothel
after i discovered the joys of...
having ones hair cut and one's beard trimmed...
is probably better than ***...
certainly better than *******...
as i always try to remind the 3rd party sources
of the moral highground argument...
believe me when i say that i don't mind
the dodo project - the cul de sac antics...
i'll the complete man -
although incomplete -
as i will not be a father, nor a grandfather...
hell.. my grandfather is ******* at me
that he didn't become a great-grandfather!
in terms of biological timing:
he should have become a great-grandfather!
does that make me any less or a lesser man
when: as a mortal man: i am to be wed
to - bride death?

Sometimes --
Somtimes things just
   explode
and there's not a thing to do
So you have to sit back
and let them dazzle you
You couldn't change them,
even if you died trying