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"prerequisites" poems
When you’ve asked yourself, “what the hell am I doing with my life?” Five times before you’ve even had your morning coffee Which isn’t enough, so you grab a second coffee Because you stayed up until sunrise writing a lab report on the psychological effects of coffee They call that an education. When you stare at screens and sheets of paper Until Shakespeare’s sonnets and Sir John A. Macdonald Are scratched into the blackboard on the inside of your brain Only to have the slate wiped clean The second your Scantron card spells “success” in Braille, They call that an education. When you’re swimming in, shall we call it, the Academian Sea And tentacles reach out and start to pull you under one by one And the lifeguards on the shore simply tell you to swim harder, They call that an education. I remember walking onto campus feeling so inspired Ready to be re-wired Until they said my arts degree would never get me hired Now the time keeps passing by and I always feel so tired And for what reason? I’ve read countless books on history and Hamlet and how to speak Italian yet it seems as though the most I’ve learned is all the different ways I can doubt myself I am creative, I am well-read, I am kind, I am caring, but I am a history major And in a place where 3.0s and 4.0s and future capital value is practically etched into our skin for the world to read like a bad tattoo Apparently that means I’m not going anywhere. There are so many days when I want my tattoo removed So people will stop staring at the decimal points and prerequisites that distract from the rest of me and look me in the eyes for a change and see in my smile that this is who I really am But instead I’ll probably stay up late again Learn names and dates again Forget them after the test again Because when you stare at that sheet of paper if you’re dedicated (or crazy) enough to make it that far And you cover up your tattoo with your graduation gown only for them to draw your degree wherever enough skin shows to prove to the world that they’ve churned out another one They call that an education.
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Oct 29, 2014
Oct 29, 2014 at 9:30 PM UTC
Education
When you’ve asked yourself, “what the hell am I doing with my life?” Five times before you’ve even had your morning coffee Which isn’t enough, so you grab a second coffee Because you stayed up until sunrise writing a lab report on the psychological effects of coffee They call that an education. When you stare at screens and sheets of paper Until Shakespeare’s sonnets and Sir John A. Macdonald Are scratched into the blackboard on the inside of your brain Only to have the slate wiped clean The second your Scantron card spells “success” in Braille, They call that an education. When you’re swimming in, shall we call it, the Academian Sea And tentacles reach out and start to pull you under one by one And the lifeguards on the shore simply tell you to swim harder, They call that an education. I remember walking onto campus feeling so inspired Ready to be re-wired Until they said my arts degree would never get me hired Now the time keeps passing by and I always feel so tired And for what reason? I’ve read countless books on history and Hamlet and how to speak Italian yet it seems as though the most I’ve learned is all the different ways I can doubt myself I am creative, I am well-read, I am kind, I am caring, but I am a history major And in a place where 3.0s and 4.0s and future capital value is practically etched into our skin for the world to read like a bad tattoo Apparently that means I’m not going anywhere. There are so many days when I want my tattoo removed So people will stop staring at the decimal points and prerequisites that distract from the rest of me and look me in the eyes for a change and see in my smile that this is who I really am But instead I’ll probably stay up late again Learn names and dates again Forget them after the test again Because when you stare at that sheet of paper if you’re dedicated (or crazy) enough to make it that far And you cover up your tattoo with your graduation gown only for them to draw your degree wherever enough skin shows to prove to the world that they’ve churned out another one They call that an education.
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32
For sustenance we trudge on Just to sustain This callus equilibrium of fragile crystals swaying in the wind, falling constantly Employing the cleverest techniques of fleeting upward momentum Short-lived displays of affection bleeding the small offering received at birth endlessly replayed to our children's eyes Despondent indentured servants scribbling through skin and tendons Just to feed their families the rice they can no longer grow And sending these fairy tales to the rosy-cheeked offspring of their oppressor's store bought dreams To keep the oppression alive . To operate at peak efficiency. To transfer honest muscle through wire mesh. And fatten. And enfeeble Enforce the prerequisites to match the scale's testimony. Testify! Oh, Lord. We thank you for this meal stolen from our inferiors. Please Please Please. We demand pleasure. IT IS REQUIRED. For if we feel sadness, then we have failed. And we'll lay down what we don't have space in our engorged bellies for. It will be placed, with all due honors, to our greatest shrine. Where we are honest with our real Mother. Where the proud, twicely worn, footwear of our warrior-spiritless cows rests Where erections limp as collapsed towers, respected by false jihads, sleep. Where dream's plastic refusal composts never; nourishing nothing. Where potential is pure impotence. The bed we all share.
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Aug 11, 2014
Aug 11, 2014 at 9:23 PM UTC
Valkyrie Vapidity
My hands are not my hands My voice is not my own My lip never was my lip But this blood is all mine. The spoon sedated my fears and insecurities It's tender metallic surface gleaning And involuntarily shaking As I lapped up alllll the yogurt. I could use a cartwheel. I don't want to sleep I'm afraid of dying as my back and forehead sweat in agony My eyes don't open anymore A steady beeping A flickering fills the air around me I told my brother I'll be back soon If I stop I'm writing with my eyes closed now. My heart rumbles like a cannon shot My only regret is how I never knew you better Mr. Cobain. We had such fun nights with Mr. Yorke and Mr. Coyne Just laughing And taking turns rolling Thom's glass eye across the floor. Spring training. I'm laughing on my bed outside Catching glances of the summer Coiled and contemptuous They go on their lives not caring Who lives. Who dies. Three girls climbed into my window They smelled of grass and polyurethane The children died 6 years ago The Johnny Carsons of this life And GET OFF MY HAND ******* PASS ME THE FOOTBALL Percodin. Codin. Coding. I just turned the page And I'll be ****** if I do it again “oh **** If Dan went white-face ghetto And wore beatnick clothes It'd be AMAZING The incisor broke my fall Sorry. No pork and beans today. Ericccccc Help my head Chalk these mint leaves up to fate. Because GOD **** are they good. I'm reading your expression On an empty pizza box. You don't seem too pleased. I fear This ice in my tray made me soak my bed Honest! Flounder had a mohawk I don't give a **** what you say. His **** mohawk was badass. His stubble made Sebastian jealous A bed of ice is better than a bed of coals Or a bed of cars Or a bed of rice But that would feel really, really good. Take a guitar solo Now a bass solo Now a keyboard solo Now a harmonica solo Now beatbox, no go? Maybe the former The TRANSFORMER of course. I hope I live to see that one day. Yes.
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Sep 19, 2010
Sep 19, 2010 at 5:50 PM UTC
Prerequisites
My hands are not my hands My voice is not my own My lip never was my lip But this blood is all mine. The spoon sedated my fears and insecurities It's tender metallic surface gleaning And involuntarily shaking As I lapped up alllll the yogurt. I could use a cartwheel. I don't want to sleep I'm afraid of dying as my back and forehead sweat in agony My eyes don't open anymore A steady beeping A flickering fills the air around me I told my brother I'll be back soon If I stop I'm writing with my eyes closed now. My heart rumbles like a cannon shot My only regret is how I never knew you better Mr. Cobain. We had such fun nights with Mr. Yorke and Mr. Coyne Just laughing And taking turns rolling Thom's glass eye across the floor. Spring training. I'm laughing on my bed outside Catching glances of the summer Coiled and contemptuous They go on their lives not caring Who lives. Who dies. Three girls climbed into my window They smelled of grass and polyurethane The children died 6 years ago The Johnny Carsons of this life And GET OFF MY HAND ******* PASS ME THE FOOTBALL Percodin. Codin. Coding. I just turned the page And I'll be ****** if I do it again “oh **** If Dan went white-face ghetto And wore beatnick clothes It'd be AMAZING The incisor broke my fall Sorry. No pork and beans today. Ericccccc Help my head Chalk these mint leaves up to fate. Because GOD **** are they good. I'm reading your expression On an empty pizza box. You don't seem too pleased. I fear This ice in my tray made me soak my bed Honest! Flounder had a mohawk I don't give a **** what you say. His **** mohawk was badass. His stubble made Sebastian jealous A bed of ice is better than a bed of coals Or a bed of cars Or a bed of rice But that would feel really, really good. Take a guitar solo Now a bass solo Now a keyboard solo Now a harmonica solo Now beatbox, no go? Maybe the former The TRANSFORMER of course. I hope I live to see that one day. Yes.
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79
I learned this in undergrad; That I'm a "yes person" defined. In self-defeatist monotony, I think I burned out my mind. Hypocrisy personified, notebooks filled with lies. Prerequisites were full of **** Required, to them, didn't apply. Monopolistic macroeconomies, business school taught me to hide. A complete lack of self-reliance, an endless search for a diagnosis. Cross-tabulate, over-analyze. I swore to them, "I'm fine." But, what's an existential crisis? I'm just asking for a friend. Procrastinate to copulate, never finishing on time. My inability to articulate, dying to feel alive again inside. Hesitation turned desperation, finally deciding to speak my mind. It only took me five years to admit that I was just too starved to shine.
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Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 3:42 PM UTC
Existentialism On A School Night
1. the way she shivers and sways is similar to the garden snake's slither i didn't mind it around my neck and tried to forgive her before she injected me with the venom within her 2. now she runs through my veins the way water runs the sounds of the day through a sieve everything is dimmed by the bubbling rush cuz you see, it's this hedonistic spree she lives this sinful lifetime she's leading is enough to send any adam straight out of eden, believe me, you don't wanna see this, and i don't want you to see me cry 3. so leave the dusty clothes on the dolls in all their places she will flinch inside of me if you wipe the tears from the cracked plaster faces they were meant to stay here i understand she's trying to save me by keeping them hidden in the shower distracting them with tea but she's enslaved me to so many prerequisites perfectly strapped together plastic that never breathes this stigma never leaves it's like it breeds inside my body as i sleep sometimes i don't know how much i feel that is truly me is inside the being i'm taken to be 4. it's not easy being human by far but it's even harder to not be when you know you are
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Aug 6, 2013
Aug 6, 2013 at 10:50 PM UTC
the inhuman environment / cyclical anxiety
We set the standards for love too high. Love has no standards, no boundaries, no prerequisites. Love is more than an emotion, to love is a lifestyle. To love is not a choice. It is an involuntary feeling. It comes and goes as it pleases. It can bring out the best in us, and the worst. Love can create, love can destroy, and love can **** We know nothing before love, we are numb and blinded by the euphoria of false love. It's not till you love when you realize this. It is not till you love and lose, that you realize, you loved the person. Not their eyes, not their face, not the memories you can't erase. You loved the person, the little things you didn't account for, and you didn't care if they were perfect or not... because they were perfect to you.
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Dec 4, 2013
Dec 4, 2013 at 11:24 PM UTC
The Involuntary Feeling
See what we have become, love has propelled us to greater heights. Greatness has visited us. Mercy has shown up and smiled at us. Grace is at work. His banner over us is love, for the beauty of the spirit shines forth. Fortune is here to be taken by all who are worthy of it. Your faith is all you've got to win in the down world. Faith drives the body to conquer the insurmountable. Unshakable to withstand the storm, for the mountain you carry, you were supposed to climb. The sword of the spirit drawn against all craftiness and manipulations of the evil intruders who messes with you and those you love. For the greater one lives and dwells in you. To be in harmonium with ourselves is a prerequisites for harmony to reign. Immense help is available for the ones who dares to seek for divine support. To knock on the door unanswered shows that you just need to push harder for it to be opened. For the one who asked is helped. Remember that anyone who cannot be counselled cannot be helped. This is the new dawn. Arise now and reset your life. ©2018,Emeka Mokeme. All Rights Reserved.
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Jul 28, 2018
Jul 28, 2018 at 10:55 AM UTC
RESET YOUR LIFE
blind promises lead to a bruise festering beneath stifled utterances and apologies prerequisites for templates of things never meant but nevertheless permanent charred ochre and Prussian blue churn into an acrylic wound cringing mesmerizing all the ways to gouge into silence just to purge verses that sound like Not next time, I swear I guess this is what they meant by abstract I should’ve listened when I heard from a backdrop that perfection is silent behind clouds of luminescent cataracts gushing scorning what has yet to be illuminated but all this talk of perfection makes me want to burn at the stake there must be something to ruin or save because sacreligion isn’t free
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Mar 13, 2012
Mar 13, 2012 at 12:47 AM UTC
Sacrifice is a Virtue
when he shows interest in any lady he is often avoided, mistreated, or misjudged. He wants to love and enjoy beautiful  kindred -ship why is the stereo station tuned to type "his age and outer shell" as the announcer broadcasts ads for "the better gentleman." He has become "everybody's fool" His favorite song details this soul near ruined... "Actions are speaking louder than words" Deaf ears cannot hear, however, they see the words His motives are questioned as "absurd." what is it that he must do to pass the "social equality test?" As he tries to simply "show his true and lovable self" and enjoy being accepted and allowed? to be in social groups with all of the accepted rest of society who passed such requirements? He studies for the exam another try in the morning Will, he beat the odds? and meet all of society's acceptance through presenting the right "prerequisites?"
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Nov 25, 2018
Nov 25, 2018 at 8:33 PM UTC
prerequisites?
You can't fly unless you let yourself fall. Saying what we want to speak so badly is never the bad part but rather gathering the will to make the call. If you want the rainbow you must deal with the rain. Will you be able to truly appreciate pleasure if you've never experienced pain? The lack of the worst would make the best also siese to exist. Yes, Sure the first time you'll be nervous, overcome with fear, but by the third you'll have unshakable courage behind every kiss. Must bleed to heal. Must be numb to grasp the thirst to feel. You must be uncomfortable a few times to know exactly where & why you fit. Life is just one big college major & if you want to hold your degree you must endure the prerequisites.
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Dec 21, 2015
Dec 21, 2015 at 7:50 AM UTC
Before Anesthesia
Guy who's like me She says would be The perfect man for her One who writes sonnets Love writ large upon it She says she would treasure and keep Courageous but kind A deep thoughtful mind She claims that she seeks for a mate Romantic and loving Respectful not shoving She lists as her prerequisites Found me last week Took a walk on the beach And sent me home packing today. She says that I was Too 'gushy' because A courageous romantic is weak.
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Dec 29, 2010
Dec 29, 2010 at 6:00 AM UTC
What She Wants
I'm a biochemical construct mechanical of flesh and bone software-infused hardware being, another release, an incrementally updated version of humanity; all off my data cells come with prerequisites I had no knowledge of; the veins of my dreams were blueprints and schemes in my mother’s blood in my father’s skin; I scribble but cannot rewrite the me, the I, procedurally generated, processed by algorithms; and the purpose is clear perpetuate and iterate, move on with baby steps not merely in time and distance, but beyond existence
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Jul 28, 2017
Jul 28, 2017 at 12:38 PM UTC
Literally
ever the old maid that is me no handsome fellow for company I've lost my looks such as they were I was never as good looking as Fleur you see Fleur had all the prerequisites and on her they did very neatly sit she put them in front of the fellow who had me wrapped and he promptly told me I had nothing that could be applauded or clapped he was the first and last fellow I had any feelings for but boy am I glad that he and Fleur are operating the local store they give discounts on anything I wish to buy and every Thursday afternoon they supply me with a free pumpkin pie
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Oct 10, 2013
Oct 10, 2013 at 6:47 AM UTC
Old Maid
He was a droid sans of any emotions Who was sent to earth to spread joy & brotherhood notions He lacked feelings and heart Still cared for his pet dog and cat When somebody asked who was he, why he is here He would say, ‘I am someone, sent here to take away people’s tears Life, love and other things Which are the prerequisites for any human being The absence of which never put an end to the droid’s process of learning. He studied, he trained, He taught himself the tenets of being a human
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Nov 14, 2013
Nov 14, 2013 at 2:19 AM UTC
Droid
Is it really such a weird thing to want to get into a person's Mind and to see their Mind laid bare before me and to see what they are capable of doing with it, before I want to get into a person's pants and to see their Body laid bare before me and to see what they are capable of doing with it? Bitter-sweetly, it makes it that much rarer to get tail when Brains and the capacity to use them are prerequisites. Nonetheless, I wouldn't have it any other way; I value certain things too much, though I do also have Desires; that's where Self-Discipline comes in.
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Sep 6, 2013
Sep 6, 2013 at 1:34 PM UTC
Qualität vor Quantität
**You've been wrong before, silly girl , you've been here before foolish little heart, why torment yourself this way, why keep pretending the next will be different? I'd like the chance of rediscovering who we are and what I mean t you Or what you might mean to me whom ever YOU maybe I'd open up even thou I'm sorta sure you'll reject me find fault since I'm mentally ill** **I've got some prerequisites: Be able to communicate Listen as well Massage me when I'm in pain even when I'm not Pay close attention to me Hold and touch me Stay faithful devoted loving and kind Never hit me or my kids Always be a provider Show you care because I'm very sensitive Don't pick on me Even if we argue never cheat Share only your problems with me so WE can fix us and work it out Be loyal to me there are so many more but this is at least a start I'd do the same and so much more I have so much to offer even though I'm broken No I'll not need you to fix me I have to do that myself and I'm working on it Just stand by me as I heal and allow me to take comfort in us and what we're building Your support is so important and you matter just as I do These things I'd say to him if ever he comes along but You've been wrong before, silly girl , you've been here before too my foolish little heart, why torment yourself this way,** **Why keep pretending the next will be different? Well because........*** *I'd like the chance of *Rediscovering that love thing everyone else but me has obtained* Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®          K.A.C.L.N ©      All right reserved ® Copyright 1977 - Present
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Nov 25, 2015
Nov 25, 2015 at 5:07 AM UTC
Rediscovering!
**You've been wrong before, silly girl , you've been here before foolish little heart, why torment yourself this way, why keep pretending the next will be different? I'd like the chance of rediscovering who we are and what I mean t you Or what you might mean to me whom ever YOU maybe I'd open up even thou I'm sorta sure you'll reject me find fault since I'm mentally ill** **I've got some prerequisites: Be able to communicate Listen as well Massage me when I'm in pain even when I'm not Pay close attention to me Hold and touch me Stay faithful devoted loving and kind Never hit me or my kids Always be a provider Show you care because I'm very sensitive Don't pick on me Even if we argue never cheat Share only your problems with me so WE can fix us and work it out Be loyal to me there are so many more but this is at least a start I'd do the same and so much more I have so much to offer even though I'm broken No I'll not need you to fix me I have to do that myself and I'm working on it Just stand by me as I heal and allow me to take comfort in us and what we're building Your support is so important and you matter just as I do These things I'd say to him if ever he comes along but You've been wrong before, silly girl , you've been here before too my foolish little heart, why torment yourself this way,** **Why keep pretending the next will be different? Well because........*** *I'd like the chance of *Rediscovering that love thing everyone else but me has obtained* Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®          K.A.C.L.N ©      All right reserved ® Copyright 1977 - Present
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53
It’s better to burn than to fade away I taste you on my lips and I can’t get rid of you Don’t forget who you are If you change your mind, you know where to find me What are your prerequisites? Never did I think that I would be caught in the way you got me Let’s get these hearts of ours and connect Look at me Listen to me I’m here You’ve grasped me and taken me into the depths of you I’m buried but I have yet to suffocate If I ever do A lover on the left and a sinner on the right Provoke yourself and give into my atmosphere I am the raindrops and you are my sea Invoke yourself before your head falls underwater This is a casual affair Well I never really thought you’d come tonight I’ve never so adored you Endless romantic stories You never will control me Until I complicate myself Oral fixation or psychosis? Until the cancer is becoming The Penitentiary Wreck my bed and take me into your embrace Show me how to feel Figure out my deepest Destroy my demons This is what I want Rail me, fix me; rip me apart **** me Smooth over my edges and blemishes This will never be enough Once I taste you, I won’t stop chasing this unrequited love Truly Don’t you dare reprimand me Don’t you dare
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Sep 4, 2015
Sep 4, 2015 at 2:26 PM UTC
Nicotine
there is a study, for the way we interact, the way we behave and the way we speak. however, no one will understand how I interact, for I am just here. I simply exist, I follow prerequisites. I am under the law. Product of society.
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Feb 13, 2014
Feb 13, 2014 at 10:37 PM UTC
product.
You know what kind of guy I want? Preferably a guy in high school A guy who's only hobbies don't include drinking and smoking and getting high who hasn't fallen into that trap and I mean really, that's so f!cking mainstream but those are more prerequisites I guess The REAL type of guy I want is a guy who breaks down my walls because honestly I have never let a guy in and told him my secrets and I never will, immediately but a guy who keeps pushing kindly and politely, but manages to break down my walls. entirely. enough for me to show him my darker side. because not everyone realizes I have one but for a boy to actually succeed in breaking down the walls I always put up. too bad that will never happen. after all, why would they care enough to even try.
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Dec 3, 2014
Dec 3, 2014 at 8:30 PM UTC
You what kind of guy I want?
*To sparkle, the prerequisites are... **Burial Darkness Patience Hardening Painful shaping** and the diamonds are made this way....*
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Sep 15, 2017
Sep 15, 2017 at 10:22 AM UTC
Diamonds
How many more unarmed people need to get shot by cops with no repercussion?... How many more times will a cop get 1-4 years for involuntary manslaughter instead of second or first degree ****** when the prerequisites for "duty" directly contradict the plausible notions of involuntary manslaughter?... How many more times will chiefs of police feed you the story that they were unaware of internal corruption which took place on a wide scale for decades?... How many more times will a cop's ****** case get thrown out in the name of 'self-defense' when there are a dozen or more bullet wounds in the deceased victim?... How many videos need to be released of cops tasering or pepper spraying people who are already face-down on the ground, handcuffed, with no ramifications?... How many more times will witnesses to police brutality and police ****** (or murders conducted by politicians) 'disappear,' or 'die in an accident' before the trail?... How many more cops will **** women with no charges before the American public cares?... How many "internal police investigations" or internal government investigations" need to be conducted with no result before the American public realizes that police and politicians get special treatment or exemptions from the law which they create and "uphold"?... In antithesis, how much longer will someone get life in prison or the death penalty for killing a cop when that same cop would get ten years if the tables were turned (Given that the policeman or policewoman is even convicted)?...
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Jul 22, 2017
Jul 22, 2017 at 3:15 AM UTC
How Many?
How many more unarmed people need to get shot by cops with no repercussion?... How many more times will a cop get 1-4 years for involuntary manslaughter instead of second or first degree ****** when the prerequisites for "duty" directly contradict the plausible notions of involuntary manslaughter?... How many more times will chiefs of police feed you the story that they were unaware of internal corruption which took place on a wide scale for decades?... How many more times will a cop's ****** case get thrown out in the name of 'self-defense' when there are a dozen or more bullet wounds in the deceased victim?... How many videos need to be released of cops tasering or pepper spraying people who are already face-down on the ground, handcuffed, with no ramifications?... How many more times will witnesses to police brutality and police ****** (or murders conducted by politicians) 'disappear,' or 'die in an accident' before the trail?... How many more cops will **** women with no charges before the American public cares?... How many "internal police investigations" or internal government investigations" need to be conducted with no result before the American public realizes that police and politicians get special treatment or exemptions from the law which they create and "uphold"?... In antithesis, how much longer will someone get life in prison or the death penalty for killing a cop when that same cop would get ten years if the tables were turned (Given that the policeman or policewoman is even convicted)?...
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9
No I'm not appointing blame, My origins will never change, But what was there for an eight year old to do. I never felt wanted again after I was born, There was a huge void in my spirit My dad married and it seemed like he forgot about me, I felt like I was scorn. I was never helped with homework; I became a novice Never understood Maths, English or any prerequisites. A mistake. Yeah I get it. But at least don't treat me like it.... Please. My teacher (God rest her soul) took me under her wing, Helped me with maths,religious education and English. I slowly understood what I was missing: Love, joy, sympathy and a family. This quickly ended when she died though, And that void came back. I never saw my dad. I might have slowly forgotten his features. But that didn't bother me I was only ten by then, And I was coming into myself: I suffered depression and insecurities. Many a day I would bury my head in a book Not because I wanted to, But because I wanted to make myself scarce so I could escape the hardships of my dysfunctional family. Maybe reading was a good thing, I reassured myself as I read through the encyclopedias in my small library; Deciding that I'll read my problems away. Mom was never around, And daddy had a new family. I'll just read the problems away. I felt unwanted. Mummy started going out every night, At this time I had a five year old sister; Of course mom hardly spent time with her. I babysat her while missing homework assignments I never got helped with. Because mummy went out every night. Sometimes she came home Sometimes she didnt A fire kindled in my spirit made of anger How could a mother do this to her young daughters. Jonesy 2019 ©
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Feb 22, 2019
Feb 22, 2019 at 7:57 AM UTC
Memorandum
No I'm not appointing blame, My origins will never change, But what was there for an eight year old to do. I never felt wanted again after I was born, There was a huge void in my spirit My dad married and it seemed like he forgot about me, I felt like I was scorn. I was never helped with homework; I became a novice Never understood Maths, English or any prerequisites. A mistake. Yeah I get it. But at least don't treat me like it.... Please. My teacher (God rest her soul) took me under her wing, Helped me with maths,religious education and English. I slowly understood what I was missing: Love, joy, sympathy and a family. This quickly ended when she died though, And that void came back. I never saw my dad. I might have slowly forgotten his features. But that didn't bother me I was only ten by then, And I was coming into myself: I suffered depression and insecurities. Many a day I would bury my head in a book Not because I wanted to, But because I wanted to make myself scarce so I could escape the hardships of my dysfunctional family. Maybe reading was a good thing, I reassured myself as I read through the encyclopedias in my small library; Deciding that I'll read my problems away. Mom was never around, And daddy had a new family. I'll just read the problems away. I felt unwanted. Mummy started going out every night, At this time I had a five year old sister; Of course mom hardly spent time with her. I babysat her while missing homework assignments I never got helped with. Because mummy went out every night. Sometimes she came home Sometimes she didnt A fire kindled in my spirit made of anger How could a mother do this to her young daughters. Jonesy 2019 ©
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44
I thought I heard a whisper While sitting under that old tree, I figured the voices in my head Weren’t yet crying audibly, Head tilted, I strained to hear What could have brought me tension, It’s empty for miles around, I thought, No use to cause my dreams suspension, And then as if it heard my fingers Crunch tightly in a panicked fist, I could still lie, but the question lingers, Did I just speak with Hopelessness? - Redirection of internal infrastructure Map prerequisites, destroy my composure, Indulge me in lost ideas, Forbidden in thought, in rhyme, in written reason, Defy all logic, misanthropic, Allow me this, my casket’s treason, Anorexic, dire complexion, Filters lost longing indiscretion, Deep in memory, cranial protrusions, Observed are scars with mass confusion, Scribed as such, “we die alone here” Naught but failing a life deserved here, Articulate hemorrhaging of twisted tongues and feelings, Allegory to bitter, pitiless healings, Melancholic, leprositic Between smoke-stained lungs And liver scloritic, Match a crusted, bloodstained outlook, Upon a false-hoped, baited gut-hook, With which carried out in gruesome fashion, Can be borne by one in moral crashing Ambiguous doubt of what comes next Refocused and aimed at what is vexed, At all, by one, failing to connect, Sporadic in sense, theory ferments, Stormy funeral, in full dawned dress, A full circle marking total Hopelessness.
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Aug 31, 2016
Aug 31, 2016 at 7:23 PM UTC
Hopelessness.
Could you please please let me know how my life got to be the way it is? One minute I'm a bird The next I'm a bobber in choppy water The next I'm a cinder block dropped in the ocean I don't understand why good things go and worse things come I don't understand the prerequisites I completed to deserve the ******** I've been handed I never will Please please try to explain
0
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 12:26 PM UTC
Untitled 13