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julie Jun 7
it is about time that i say goodbye to you.
it is about time that i separate myself from the memories,
and accept the truth;
that our past was far too toxic and far too much for us to carry.
i, willingly making it all work,
you, constantly talking about change.
at the end of the day, this love story would never work my dear;
you and i are worlds apart, regardless of being in the same lifetime.
my heart broke and bent for you hundreds of times over;
something you were completely unable to do but took all credit for.
this is cheers to the end of our story, the finale of this book.
thank you for everything you've taught me,
you have made me completely anew.
here's to turning a new page in this painful lifetime, too.
to my past lover, thank you, goodbye.
julie Oct 2018
i had undoubtedly loved you, unlike the way i had loved myself. i had given you parts of myself which were unrecognizable to me. i had breathed life into your heart, and soul into your mind. you left me unattended and i was always anxious for you. unbelievably, i had fallen in love with you, somehow. i questioned my form of love, unexpected, and not deserved. i always wondered upon the idea of love, whether it was a myth, or something only few are so privileged to find. becoming anxious with loving you, i began to hate myself. i began to worry about the person i was, and the person i would be. the way i loved you, i believe it was only a tiny amount that belonged to you. perhaps i had fallen in love with the idea that i was able to love even after so much pain was inflicted upon me. as if i were capable of something so good, yet so dangerous. this idea of unconditional love poisons your state of mind entirely, leaving you to always question yourself. my mind continues to whisper to me, "love is false", and though i was reluctant to believe such a thing, my mind is convinced that it is true. love does not exist beyond my capability, and no one will ever be able to love me fully. and this breaks me, as i am so in love with the idea of human love, but knowingly enough, i must accept my fate. no love will ever exist for the mess that i am inside.
  Mar 2018 julie
what if i could
shed my skin
reveal the person
i hide within
hold her up
on her two wobbly feet
the confident soul
i wish i could be.
  Mar 2018 julie
"it's not fair!"
i scream
"how could you take this from me..."
how could you deal such uncertainty
my future
is undeniable
all the work i'm doing is supposed to be worth it
yet by 2100
there will be 10 billion
and what will it mean to be a civilian?
the world which i hold as my own, my dominion,
is no longer the haven
of my sheltered opinion.
Some thoughts I have in my many existential crises.
julie Mar 2018
your words are as empty as the craters of the moon.

barren and desolate.

your shine, only reflecting off of what truly is.

who are you?
why do you like to hurt me?

no more,
my heart yearns,
drained of its blood.

i am now the emptiness of space, holding you up, and you ignorantly continuing to shine light that does not belong to you.
julie Feb 2018
i could feel the fire burning through you
when you see me pass by.
i'm sorry if i ever hurt you,
it wasn't my intention to make you cry.

i once held you close to my heart,
a shoulder for you to sleep.
and now it's like two strangers,
memories thrown into the blue deep.

i miss you, truth be told,
because you once were my all.
and now the leaves are coming down,
it is here, the season of fall.

the leaves have died,
the warm wind has become cold.
you have become a nobody,
from a somebody i had loved to hold.

the embers are now dead,
the trees are now bare.
there may be a spark,
but truly, i don't think you would care.
julie Feb 2018
we need space.

what is space?
the space in which i reside in.

the space in which the world exists.

space, the universe.

space is where the star collides.

space is where there is you and i.
unity of time.
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