"acrophobia" poems
I was leaning over the railings
Of your condominium's 11th floor fire exit.
It was a beautiful night, just a clear sky
Filled with stars.
I was smoking then while
You were just standing right behind me,
I leaned a little bit more.
You told me to stand back
"Aren't you scared?"
I told you that i have conquered
My fear of heights
Long before we spoke again
After weeks of complete silence.
I wasn't lying.
I wasn't afraid of falling—
dying anymore.
But that morning,
Your hands around my waist,
Lips on the nape of my neck
Just breathing,
I drowned.
My throat closed up,
My lungs filled with your scent,
My heart got heavier.
Your touch wasn't supposed to make me
Feel every inch i loved about you.
I was falling again,
Dying for your love;
I thought i have conquered my fear.
"Aren't you scared?"
Terrified.
Jul 24, 2015
Jul 24, 2015 at 3:27 AM UTC
I wanted to face a fear.
So I scooted myself closer to the railing of this 420 foot high bridge
& forced myself to look over the edge
Telling myself that this fear was irrational,
But the longer I sat there the more the anticipation grew in my chest, the more I could feel my body betraying my mind, images flashed of me being thrown over the edge by my sadistic thoughts.
Some part of me wanted to free fall into the rushing water & the sharp jagged rocks below
A part of me I don't like to hear
"This is real."
All the years of telling myself I was scared of heights,
When really I am only scared of myself.
Aug 13, 2014
Aug 13, 2014 at 8:19 PM UTC
I make my home in the sky
and it’s beautiful
even when viewed through
blue-tinted lenses of acrophobia
Because it’s not so much
the fear of heights
as it is
the fear of falling from them.
There’s no one
waiting at the bottom for me –
all the more reason
to stay in the clouds.
I make my home in the sea
and it’s breathtaking
literally oxygen-stealing
But I don’t mind
letting my lungs drink their fill
of salt water.
I welcome the fullness.
I welcome the healing.
Watch me dance with the waves.
I make my home in the earth
and it’s a reminder
of all I am
and all I’m not.
I will find my solace in
the ground beneath my feet
and the trees above my head.
I will find my comfort
in canyons and caverns.
I will learn that it is fine
to know what darkness looks like
if only to love the light
so much more.
I make my home in your heart
and it is exactly
where I want
and need to be.
I would write more but
I’m too busy living
and falling
in love
with you.
Aug 4, 2013
Aug 4, 2013 at 12:26 AM UTC
i. arachnophobia; fear of spiders. more common in females than males, why at night you choke on the idea of her fingers on him, long and thin.
ii. ophidiophobia; fear of snakes, fear of being crushed alive by commitment, why in the mornings you never left your number, why you don’t call her back, why you regretted it later.
iii. acrophobia; fear of heights. why she stays out of circuses and away from people like you who would make her fall in love.
iv. agoraphobia; fear of situations where escape is difficult, fear of the plane that takes her away, fear of the open crowded space of your ribcage where paintings of her still constantly hang.
v. cynophobia; fear of dogs, fear of the graves where good noses could dig up the mistakes you have made, fear of a girl who made you want to get a puppy and settle down somewhere finally.
vi. astraphobia; fear of thunder and lightning, fear of being alone in a house that always sounded like both, the stormclouds of your histories always brewing behind flimsy doors. fear of finding her there and having her kiss you in the rain. fear she’d never come back to you again.
vii. trypanophobia; fear of injections, fear of drugs, fear of the doctor who looked into your heart and told you that your shaky hands and bad dreams were a sign that she’s crept into your sleep.
viii. social phobias; fear of social situations, fear of your father’s white knuckles on the wheel while he says, “no son of mine is a ***** like this,” fear of her mother’s judgement, fear of not being enough.
ix. pteromerhanophobia; fear of flying, fear of remembering how long it’s been since you actually felt alive, why you trembled whenever you held her tight, why one day she frightened you so bad that you left in the middle of the lonely night.
x. mysophobia; fear of germs. why you knew you’d only get her covered in dirt. why looking at yourself in the mirror always seems to hurt. why you will never be happy without being hers. out of this whole messed up world, she was the only thing pure.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 7:58 PM UTC
was an aperitif to an aphorism,
an apothecary of aphrodisiacs,
an apiary of my ever-buzzing thoughts.
She slipped streamline as maraschinos
into a Manhattan, that strike of sugar
staining the most bitter days a color no chemical dispels.
She was an enigmatic row of beakers
shelved in an ancient pharmacy
at the base of the Janiculum.
Her shape was incense wisps, her
touch a song sung in 1940s noir,
her locking gaze acrophobia itself.
Alliteration ran thick through her blood,
she painted like Debussy composed.
No single organism in the universe could’ve imposed
anything on her – well, maybe.
Maybe she’s just a girl, the way that I’m a boy –
no air of denigration here.
She was intricate, but altogether simple. Empathetic-yet-
tangible, her character was incredible.
It was not the beauty of her face, the body
that held her mind and laughter,
not the dazed sting in my hand as it cupped
in hers – it was her autotelic way and her hope.
And now her imaginings hang,
framed in my house; little landscapes of the heart she left;
retreats that prove I’ve loved and been loved.
Jul 4, 2012
Jul 4, 2012 at 7:59 AM UTC
Why are we afraid
Of falling in love?
Maybe it's because
We're less assured
Maybe it's just
We're too old
Or just too young
And sometimes
It's the truth that
No one will catch you
When you both fell
Together from a feeling
And he got caught
By someone down below
Who effortlessly waited
His feelings for you
Dispersed in the air
Just like a thin vapor
You can no longer feel it
And all that's left
Is the reason
Why you fell
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 11:41 PM UTC
Etching my movements in time as a sculpture would to stone.
One wrong scratch on the experience and the whole plan falls.
I try to memorize all of your countries and how they fit in and line up and how some of them surface only during times of dispute or sadness.
Many people dream this dream.
Many people hide.
I glanced in your direction through a screen like a steamed window, buffed for clarity, squinting for connection.
And no one has to know.
There's nothing to fear.
The music in your voice isn't the same as the tapping on my bed
Thinly resurrecting in course of the night.
I want to believe in the tug.
I want to believe that the struggle is somehow pulling me closer.
But more often I just want to hide.
Apr 1, 2014
Apr 1, 2014 at 12:00 AM UTC
I've never been afraid of heights except when I'm with you. You take me to new levels above everything else and the world seems so small. But then comes the fall, and it happens a lot quicker and hurts a hell of a lot more than any other collapse imaginable. Why build me up only to leave me standing here with nothing at the end? You've got all that you're looking for as I look from the outside like a child staring into a candy store. While you're away with him i sit and dream of all the things we should've been. I guess that's why they call it Fool's Gold...
Jul 4, 2015
Jul 4, 2015 at 12:17 AM UTC
Don't put me on a pedestal
cause
I've got acrophobia.
Dec 11, 2012
Dec 11, 2012 at 7:16 PM UTC
I'm terrified of the fall
Physically
Mentally
Emotionally
So it's hard for me to flap my wings
I'm a creature of the land
Of the sea
My emotions are something like a sheer mountain.
No peak
Only a plateau
I climb with my eyes on the sky
Reach the level earth
And make the mistake of looking down.
And my body follows my gaze.
Indefinitely.
Dec 19, 2015
Dec 19, 2015 at 2:12 PM UTC
I dive right in even though
I know that by the time I get
to the bottom the pool will
be shallow
and when I stand up and shake
the water from my hair and
open my eyes I know for certain
that the water will have drained
away entirely. Just me, soaking,
sopping, sobbing in an empty
pit of gray concrete. I will still
dive because that
fall
through the air
will be the most precious thing,
I suspect. I am sure it will be for
nothing in the end but before then,
it will be for you.
I will do it for you and for my
own selfish reasons, because it's
you, I know, and I will never find
another like you nor will I try.
When you leave I want to remember
you properly, with your eyes shining
but not from tears. Smiling eyes,
laughing pools of brown, open.
Always I will remember you and
I want the memories to be perfect
because I love you and I am not
as selfless as you and I want to
remember love this way so that
when I fall into the shallow water
and the shock flows up my spine
and stings my soul I can remember
your face and remember
that I did it for you, that love is strong
enough to push acrophobia off the
edge and send it
s o a r i n g
with arms spread wide and eyes wide
open. Maybe if I can remember that, the
soaring before the fall, I will try again
to find it even though I know it won't
be your fall. I will continue in search
of it anyway, a hopeless search for
something halfhearted, but I will
continue it whole-heartedly, that I
might always be reminded of you.
And now, I will embrace the concrete
floor, the stinging of the spirit and
the soaring of the soul, as I fall, that
you might see my smile and enjoy
the fall with me,
before it crashes.
That is how much I love you.
May 6, 2013
May 6, 2013 at 1:25 PM UTC
*I want to whisper
I love you.
but settle for goodnight.
For I love you
means I'm falling.
and I am terrified
of heights*
Jan 28, 2016
Jan 28, 2016 at 5:24 PM UTC
Drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes to **** sadness.
Are you killing sadness or the sadness killing you?
Scrolling through the phone screen, to **** some time.
Are you killing time or the time is killing you?
Jumping from a parachute to **** your acrophobia.
Are you killing the fear or the fear is killing you?
Burning all the photos from your old album to **** your love for her.
Are you killing Love or Love is killing you?
Faking a smile to keep your hopes up.
Are you killing hope or the hope is killing you?
Cutting all the trees then dying of asthma.
Are you killing Earth or the earth is killing you?
Dec 27, 2019
Dec 27, 2019 at 3:03 AM UTC
It is not the fear of heights
It is the fear that from them we will
f
a
l
l
Nov 7, 2019
Nov 7, 2019 at 4:55 PM UTC
you seem to think that mountains were put on this earth,
to stop my bones from reaching the peak,
because you'd know i'd never climb them,
you knew my soul was a universe and everything around it suffered the wrath of gravity,
that no matter what i'd always be pulled back down,
like the tears of the sky,
like an apple dangling from a tree branch engulfed in the autumn air,
eventually they're bound to fall.
the thing about the rain is that it has to sacrifice falling,
so light can seep through the sky's flesh,
and it does not accept it's defeat after it has trickled into the veins of this earth,
it rushes through it like blood vigorously pumping
in the hearts of passionate lovers making churches out of each other's bodies for the first time.
and the fruit of the earth becomes embedded in the grass,
and makes love with the sky's tears,
so someday the stars can look back and realize their sadness was worth it because the trees stand with the spines of soldiers,
and bear fruit that cause our tongues to make numbness an urban legend.
there is nothing weak about falling,
it is the test of life's resilience,
may the puddles in the sidewalks of this earth always remind you that even the sky cries too,
and may your tongue's ****** from the flesh of this earth's fruit always remind you of the beauty in falling,
Dec 13, 2018
Dec 13, 2018 at 1:29 PM UTC
You were the first
You were the first person I ever truly loved, the first person I put time and effort into
You were the first person I felt truly understood me and took time to understand me, the first person who I thought listened and cared
You were the first person I fought with because I cared so much, the first person I wanted to kiss in the rain, wear a dress for, live with for the rest of my life, never lose. . .
You
You were the first person who truly broke my heart, the first person who walked away
You were the first one to start harming yourself
You were the first person to give up what we had, to let go, and erase
You were the first person who loved me enough to come back
You were the first person I ever kissed, felt safe around, and
You were the first to help me overcome my acrophobia
You were the first person to question Us, our relationship
The person who realized love isn’t permanent, while I was drifting off in a fairytale land, thinking love was forever
You were the first person who taught me that pain isn’t always bad, because it has the ability to make you stronger
You were the first person to know when I’m me and when I’m not
The first person who cared enough to say, ‘What’s wrong?’ when I’m hiding my face, the one who offered his coat to keep me warm in winter, the first one to wipe away my tears
You were the first person to threaten me
The first person to say ‘I hate you’
You were the first person to ever truly hurt me
And you will be the last
Dec 11, 2016
Dec 11, 2016 at 3:00 PM UTC
I'm acrophobic
But I ain't afraid of heights.
Instead, what I'm really afraid of
is the fall.
Jul 23, 2020
Jul 23, 2020 at 4:00 AM UTC
looking down
from the top of the world's tallest building
doesn't seem so scary
when you aren't afraid to fall.
Aug 9, 2017
Aug 9, 2017 at 12:05 PM UTC
How did I get this far up
And so close to the ledge
Acrophobia
Stops me from peaking over the edge
I can feel the cold steel trembling
Moaning and groaning as it sways slightly in the breeze
Breathing beneath my feet
I heard if you're high up enough
Water feels like the ground
So even if I survived this jump
I can't even swim
I know I'll drown
But I have to
I must
Because you said you'll never leave me
But you left in a rush
And I was crushed
You told me you'd always love me
But where are you now
You're nowhere to be found
Not even in the crowd
That's gathered around
All their talking have been muffled and muted
By the sound of the whizzing wind
Filling my ears
I can only hear my heartbeat
And it's telling me to leap
Spread eagle
And pretend I can fly
But the little faith I have stops me
I've been living in hell so long
I stopped thinking heaven is real
I don't believe in nothing
Not even in you
If you were here
I'd tell you to jump too
Even if you happened to show up
You'd be to late
This is the only means of escape
Nov 7, 2016
Nov 7, 2016 at 1:31 PM UTC
too scared to climb down,
hanging on, i'm alive,
indecisive of direction,
fear of where i might arrive.
Nov 19, 2018
Nov 19, 2018 at 8:51 PM UTC
oh my god
my last hurrah
but I don't worry
with this many memories
I came closer
to the edge before
and hurried
out
the view there
is breathtaking
almost wanted to jump
and then
as always I got
Acrophobia
and decided
I wasn't scared
of the fall
I want to say it was the
landing
but that is too cliche
it was the ******* fall
Jun 18, 2017
Jun 18, 2017 at 1:31 AM UTC
Look at the horizon
It divide the sky and sea
Try to fly...
There are no horizons
It's just you and me
May 11, 2019
May 11, 2019 at 4:33 AM UTC
The Unknown Tower
Quiet & deserted.
A way to the top
The elevator hums, rising.
I step out.
I open the door, enigmatic.
I close the door,
Turn the kn⁰b…
Instantaneously
The cold metal snaps in my hand!
I am locked out.
A voice
Deep Inside !
"Have a glance."
Down,
Down, down,
Down,
Down, down…
I peer over the edge—
Acrophobia strikes!
A war ignites between me
& my unknown ‘Someone.’
I hear the voice again
It is not mine.
Or is it?
I scramble, trying to fix the kn⁰b,
But that 'Someone'—
Powerful, cunning—
A puppet master, a gaslighter,
A shadow pulling the strings.
I can’t think anymore!
Thoughts crumble like shredded paper!
Or did ‘Someone’ crush them for me?
"Do a high dive to nowhere!
Do a high dive to nowhere!
Do a high dive to nowhere!"
The voice pounds like a drum.
Drive,
Drive, drive, drive, drive,
Drive, drive,
Drive…
"My bébé, drive."
Once again,
The table is yours.
The table is yours.
Step forward.
Hesitation wanders, the fear of loss.
Look down.
No acrophobia!
The tower does not end.
The fall never stops.
I turn
& there is no door.
Goodbye.
Will you die to find yourself?
Mar 23, 2025
Mar 23, 2025 at 8:34 AM UTC