I know that I was never enough for you.
You with your dreams and plans
That could soar into the stratosphere
Me so grounded to mother earth
Afraid to take the risk
of the dreams you loved so much.
I know that I was never enough for you
Yet even so I loved you so very much.
I fought my fears and closed my eyes
Embarking onto your spaceship.
Even though I knew I would fall from space
And crash back onto the earth I loved.
I know I was never enough for you.
Yet even knowing all of this
Would break my heart in pieces.
I would change nothing about us.
You see my love.
For just a tiny moment in my life
I touched the moon and stars
and visited the vast exciting
unknown limits of outer space.
And it was you who took me there
not all of life's most memorable events work out
I ache to feel safe
In the warmth of your hands
And to close my eyes
While your voice fills my ears.
I need to feel safe
In the warmth of your heart
And to close my eyes
While your presence fills my life.
I want to feel safe
Along the stormy
With no other in view
Knowing you will guide me
To safe harbor
I ache to feel safe
In the warmth of your love.
Romance such a weakness
Within the blueness of smoke rings
I see her.Beautiful sweet smile again
On his arm she looks so lovely
In my hand a glass of Champagne.
We used to sit together
at that table in this bar.
Her eyes so bright and blue
Now she sits here
so very close to you.
Don’t let her look
don’t let her see
Please don’t let her turn
to look at me
.for she may think I'm weeping
With my heart bursting with regret
She walks over to me
She says Tony are you crying
Your eyes are red and wet.
I smile and whisper softly
I'm just fine honey.
It's just the smoke arising
from my forgotten cigarette
Repressed love and regrets
The pilgrim soul
The pilgrim soul.
In hues of garlands from all the flowers
In gilded moments that make all hours.
The night glow stars shine heavens grace
That pales in homage before your face.
Whilst others see your beauty with passions new
I alone see the pilgrim soul in you
Please forgive me my yeats
Threre is a time for paris
It is not today with its updated tempo.
It is when life was new
Full of first
There can never be another first love.
I sit here on this spring day
Just as i did so very many
The warm sunlight of the old city
Reflecta on the river seine
Just as it did back then
When I found her.
She saw me holding my easil
My pallette in my hand.
So young so innocent
Have you eaten she whispered
In he soft french accent.
As beautiful to my ears as the chiming of church bells
I suppose my thin build and gaunt face cried out starving artist.
No mam'selle i answered
Not for a while i must finish
My paintings to sell them.
She touched my hair way too long and overdue for a cut
She lifted it from my face
You are so beautiful she purred
As my heart fell into her hands
She took me back to her flat
A small place over a cafe in montmartre.
I ate bread and cheese and coffee.
And fell asleep
When i awoke she kissed me
Come to me she said I will take care of ypu.
I finished my first six paintings and in between painted her portrait .
I think it is the best work I had ever done
Before or since.
Americans came to buy my art and wanted to buy her portrait i refused to sell it.
It is part of me i explained
It contains the best of my heart.
At night she would sing at the cafe and collected tips from the patrons
But she would not sing la vie en rose until i came down to to rest from my artwork.
It is my gift to my lover she explained to the tourist who requested it of her. .
Then she would touch my hair
And sing the old french ballad
I fell in love with her so hard
So very hard.
When our daughter was born
I think I was the happiest man alive.
Michelle meet your papa she sang.
It waa four years later the sickness came.
She smiled and said she would be just fine in a week or two.
But i knew…..i knew.
Forty years later
I sit as I do each year on this day in the springtime at the spot where we met.
My lovely daughter Michelle
Comes to pick me up with her daughter my grandaughter
Named Annie just like my love.
Dad she said come on home
Its chilly here by the river.
My grandaughter ask of me
For the thousandth time
Grandpere why did you never remarry even after all those years.
I tpuch her pretty face so full of first times to come.
I Smile and say
Because you only get one first love nothing else can compare ma petite.
Back at my flat over the old cafe her portrait hangs over the fireplace.
And down below among the tourist in the cafe
A beautiful voice is singing
La vie en rose
And I know it is for me.
Ahhh i get so emotional
When i hear
La vie en rose
And i just played it
So i wrote this
THROUGH A DOGS EYES.
I am old and tired now and my duty on this planet is almost finished.
It seems only a fleeting moment again that I was a puppy.
I was so lucky that I met him.
It was a sunny summer day I was huddled in a ball of fur with six other puppies.
A sign outside the stoop said Golden's for sale no papers.
He drove up in his sports car and walked to the stoop where we were.
He had kind eyes and dogs have the ability to see the soul through the eyes of others and it was a good soul.
Every dog knows they are living a karma that they must be the best they can be as a dog and one day they would be born as a human child. This is common sense to a dog.
I fought my way to the front of the puppy heap. And he picked me up I could smell the kindness pouring out from his skin.
This one he said as I licked his face this one is the one I want.
He named me Niko after the famous scientists nikola Tesla. My human soulmate was a science teacher at the high school.
He took me everywhere I never was left at home but sat quietly next to his desk as he instructed the children in his class.
At break time the children would play with me we ran and chased sticks and *****. I was so happy.
At night I slept at the foot of his bed it was my duty to protect him.
To say that we loved each other was a gross understatement we sat together at night and watched television together that's where I learned all about human culture. Animal planet was my favorite program and I watched it every day.
It was perfect perhaps too perfect to last I was fully grown now a big golden retriever.
It changed that morning we went to school as always.
I slept beside his desk and the sound of his voice was comforting and safe.
Then she came into the room she was young and pretty in a human kind of way.
He smiled at her and they talked about teaching methods and school politics. I could smell her perfume and pheromones pungent in the air.
I tried to get his attention to take me out but he was fixated on her.
The shop talk took a back seat and dinner dates took it's place.
After that she was always around she sat on the sofa on my spot and I tried to let her know she was not welcome here this was my seat and he was mine. She should know I would never share him. But she got to me patting my head kissing my crown. Your so pretty Niko she purred.
But she took my place on the bed as well and they put me out of the room as they wrestled on the sleeping spot. I heard strange noises and laughter as I waited outside the door.
Later I was allowed back in the room it was full of odors of humans but it was comforting.. We were a family together him her and me their dog friend. Soon I loved her as much as him.
I could not wait for her to kiss my head and rub my tummy.
Then just as I was getting settled in to my new arrangement it changed again.
I watched her rubbing her belly like she did with mine. And there was a roundness to it. I could smell the aroma of another human being put together inside her. And I knew it meant changes to our life.
Later as her belly became rounder and she rested on the sofa I saw it Move the new human was stirring inside her.
Oh Niko come here it's alright she sang.
I wandered over put your head here sweetheart patting her belly.
I rested my big head on her tummy.
Then I felt the new human kick me I nearly fell off the sofa. She felt my fear and smiled oh Niko it's just the baby letting us know it is alright.
In the middle of the night a few weeks later they rushed out of the door and car started and screeched its tires and they never took me with them.
A day later they came home Carrying the new human in their arms.
I was curious and later she called me Niko come and meet Angel
I entered the bedroom and she was holding the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
I was afraid that I would love her if I looked too long
but it was too late I already knew that I did.
The next few years were the best years of my life.we did everything as a family, my beautiful family my purpose in life to love and protect them all
Angel grew to ten and I was getting old but we were inseparable I was hugged every time she left the house. And I worshipped her.
Then her mom was unwell she was crying with headaches always swallowing things out of a little bottle they never wrestled on the sleeping place or made their happy sounds. I was worried.
A while later she was doing dishes and fainted on the floor I rushed to her and liked her face until she woke up.
Then I cursed the limitations of being a dog my big flappy tongue that could not let me Enunciate words like a human flapped in uselessness as only whines and barks came out.
I could smell the sickness in her head it had an odor or rotting vegetation faint and constantly there I knew it it was bad it was the sickness.
I stayed by her side all though the sickness even seen she lost her hair I poured my love to her.
I saw my owner crying holding angel telling her they were losing her.
They Needed me more than ever now and for sure I must stay here with them even though my time was near I had my duty to fulfill for my karma as a dog. It was my purpose for being.
It was springtime when she left us I was sat next to her bed as her hand was resting on my old head I felt it lighten and slip from me and I knew ...i knew.
I barked quietly and they came up and wept.
A year later
I was losing my sight my eyes were fuzzy and I did not see things very well.
The day I wandered into the road as a car hit me I knew it was my fault my time and I knew my duty in my dog karma had been completed faithfully and I was ready for my next journey with my soul.
Angel rushed out and held my head I looked into her beautiful face
Don't die stay with me she wept I gave her my last look with her memory fixed in my soul ready to live forever as souls do and I would see her in my dreams in my next life.
Eight years later
My owner had moved to New England as principal to a.prestigious academy.
Angel had grown into a beautiful young woman.
She was training as a caregiver and working for the winter break at the orphanage in the nearby blue collar town
The children were mostly from poor families.
Her dad picked her up and dropped her off at work.
And as he waited in the yard of the institution he saw a little boy of about 8 years of age.
He had beautiful long Sandy hair and deep dark eyes.
Angel came out ready to go Home and saw her father walking over to the boy.
They looked into each others eyes and saw deep into their souls a familiar place that he recognized
The nurse from the orphanage joined them and said he's been with us for four years since his parents were killed in a car accident. He has never spoken a word since being here.
Angel said what is your name honey he lifted his face and looked at the lovely young woman and said softly my name is Nicholas but you can call me Niko.
Five years later
Niko had been formally adopted and was turning into a fine young man
All was well in their world's
And just like clouds that change shape
Their family changed shape once more and peace reigned in their lives.
Which as all dogs are born knowing is just Karma so you can be born again one day into something much much better.
Inspired by the movies
The art of racing in the rain.
A MUST SEE for all dog lovers
Silence is glowing in your spangled light
alone and forlorn
inside your soft night
you look so lonesome
So gentle and paper white
like a canvas for hearts
to paint on
this sweet summer night
Not all alone are lonely
Not all lonely are alone
But this nights solitude
Brings tears to my eye.
Yet no one can see them
Except my trusted friend
the moon and I.
Just felt a bit sad