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With their freckles and flaws,
Their lips and love.

Your fingers and fights,
Heavy breathing and bites.

Beautiful Stories and ***,
The emotions and Ex.

Colors and Cuddles,
Raw coffee and riddles.

Partially finished, futile departures.
Some unfinished, untold closures.
And even though I, who has never been in love, I feel like I understand it, because you paint them and their stories, prettier than they could be.
How do you see your cup?
Half empty?
Half-full?

What if I told you the cup contains pure poison.
I can no longer distinguish between reality and dreams and I don’t know is that a good thing or bad.
जिस हक से कल लेकर गई थी,
उसी हक से आज भी ले जाति,
पर नहीं ले गई,
तो अब यह बहाने क्यों और किसके लिए.

मेरे लिए?
या खुद के लिए?


किस हक की तुम बात कर रहे हो?
मुझे तो कभी पता ही नहीं था
कि मेरा कोई हक है तुम पर.
तुमने कभी पता ही नहीं लगने दिया.

हमेशा एक ही डर था
कि कभी तुमसे कोई बात कह दूं और तुम बोल पढ़ो किस हक से कह रही हो मुझे.

अब इस डर को बहाना ही समझ लो.
पर यही डर था हमेशा.
मेरे लिए
और तुम्हारे लिए.

जितने हक से आज तुमने मुझसे यह सारे सवाल पूछ लिए हैं.
काश! कभी उतने ही  हक से यह भी जता दिया होता कि कितना हक है मेरा तुम पर.
मेरे लिए नहीं तो कम से कम सच के लिए ही बोल देते तुम.
मेरे कमरे से लगी हुई बालकनी,
उसी पर खुलती थी मेरी खिड़की,
पर  मां कभी मुझे खिड़की खोल लेना देती थी,
बाहर के लोग देखेंगे तो क्या बोलेंगे,
लड़की पूरा समय खिड़की पर ही रहती है?

कभी-कभी मैं रात को 2  3 बजे खिड़की खोल कर बाहर देखा करती थी.
ठंडी हवा के झोंकों में खुद को, अपने वजूद को ढूंढने की कोशिश करती थी.

कभी ऐसे दिन आएंगे
जब मैं यहां नहीं रहूंगी
मेरा अपना घर होगा
जहां मुझे यह नहीं सोचना पड़ेगा कि लोग क्या सोच रहे हैं.

समय बीता, दिन बीते
मुझे नौकरी लग गई,
मैं बाहर आ गई,
मेरा घर, मेरा कमरा बदल गया.
मुझे यहां भी खिड़की मिली.
मगर वह भी ज्यादातर बंद ही रही.
कभी खोलने का समय नहीं मिला,
कभी बाहर की दूर तो कभी प्रदूषण से बचने के लिए.

आज रात को समय मिला,
तुमने खिड़की खोल ही ली.
कुछ वक्त बाहर देखती रही
ठंडी हवा आज भी उतनी ही खूबसूरत है,
उतनी ही शक्तिशाली और आजाद जितनी तब थी.

और मैं आज भी उतनी ही बेबस.
घबराइए नहीं यह खुद पर तरस खाने वाली कविता नहीं है.
तो जाइए मत.

मैं काफी देर वहां खड़ी रही.
फिर मुझे ध्यान आया कि रात का समय है शायद बाहर से किसी को दिख जाओ तो कहेंगे यह लड़की आधी रात को खिड़की पर क्यों खड़ी है.

पर्दे लगा दिए
हवा का मोह नहीं छूटता ना
कुछ देर बाद शायद वापस खिड़की बंद कर दू .

आजकल खुली हवा में घुटन सी महसूस होने लगती है.
We all want to be happy.
Happy all the time.
We pray for it.
Seek for it.

We know it is inside us.
Still, we look for it outside.
And find it sometimes.
In those little joys moments,
We Float in the air,
Like those tiny cotton seeds
Surrounded by happy fluff.
Look for it, to be with us forever.

Ask someone who knows better.
Someone who knows it's nothing less than a curse to be happy all the time.
What's the use if you haven't felt the blues.

What if you got it?
Would you keep it?
A packet full of lifetime happiness.
Wrapped in cute pink cellophane paper.
Covered with glitters and a bow.
It has a supply enough for you to survive your entire time here.

No sorrows anymore,
No sadness, anxiety, negative thoughts, no problem ever for you.
You will always be joyous gleeful and Sunny.
No rain would ever be around you.

Just like it used to be before Eve had "The Apple".
The Apple" which brought all the miseries in our lives.
All those, sorrows and pain,
The dark thoughts, engulfing you like a flood around a small village.
Nowhere to go.

Burying ourselves in the swamp along with those who are in there already.
Crying and screaming for help,
Rotting in hell.
We are walking towards it as well.
Taking step by step.
Slowly but all of us reaching there. One day.
So why this?

All because of that one lady who couldn't have been any more stupid.
So if I ask you, I could give you that life, where everything is at it's best.
And you would always be happy so happy that won't even know what pain is.

Who wouldn't want such a life?

But how would you know you are happy when you have never witnessed the sadness.
I was standing on the Empty Street,
Gazing at the stars,
In the full moonlight,
With only one thought.

If I could be with the blowing wind and Fly through the clouds,
I felt like someone heard me and said ok go...

I put my hand up and gave a small kick, push back, with my feet,

And I was up in the air,
Just like birds,
Like fish in the ocean,
As easy as walking on the street,
I went up, up, up, and high,
It tasted like freedom
The fresh wind in my mouth
The vast blackness of the sky
Telling me it's endless and so am I,

(Liberated and ecstatic, excited)

Then I decided to explore further ahead, instead of going up.

I went over the high rising buildings,
Over the humongous trees, I am scared of,
Looking at the very few people and cars on the streets.
I kept going until I felt boundless.

Then I saw the sunrise
And it reminded me that I have to go back
To my family, friends, work

But I couldn't find where to go
Where did I come from?
Whom should I ask?
Where was I?
Which city, country or continent?
Who am I going to tell?
How did I reach here?

I was stranded, helpless, miserable and all alone.
And then I realize this is why we shouldn't fly.
If I asked you
Where would you choose to go,
if given the opportunity to time travel

Past or future

Well,
I used to think
Is that even a question
Of course the future.

What's in the past?
Nothing useful.
And you won't get anything from there.

Better see the future.
You can earn some money.
And you will know something which you didn't before.
I could become the most powerful person on earth with that.

But now that I have grown a bit.
It seems much easier to dwell on the past.
The beautiful moments I had,
Which would never come back.
I wish I could relive them forever.

Like when I was laughing with my friends
So hard, that my stomach started paining,
My eyes won't stop watering.
I felt like I would explode out of joy.


When my mom was feeding me with her hands,
The love and warmth of her fingers,
Making the food extra delicious.
It was the best food I ever had.

When I went for a walk with my dad,
He usually doesn't talk much.
But that day he was putting his efforts to look for something to talk about.
For once he showed me that he cares.
We walked holding hands in hands.
It felt like the safest place on earth to be.

When I was reading the poem,
Written by my brother as my birthday gift.
It was so wonderful.
Full of all the stories we had for whole our lifetime.
The crazy spelling mistakes,
And that almost unreadable handwriting,
Made it even better
I cried and cried,
Tears full of love, emotions, guilt and much more.
I knew I could give my life for this little fellow of mine.

When I would walk with this guy,
Holding hands,
We would talk for hours,
Never really reaching to an end.
All the fights and melodrama,
Then going back to normal,
Only to fight again,
But the fights were beautiful and so was the drama.
I could fight the world for him.

Alas! Too bad!
The future can't bring those feelings back to me,
Those times ,
Where I felt like I should die right now because I am so happy,
And I would never be like that again.
When I felt l was floating in the air,
Out of those emotions.

So I choose to go to the past,
No matter how stupid it sounds.
I would like to be there,
Forever and ever.

Even after I die
You can find me there
Living In those moments
When I was so happy that I wanted to die at that moment.
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