Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Sep 2014 · 345
I am drinking
I am drinking myself to oblivion and you don't know why
I am drinking myself to oblivion and you're just fine
You haven't realized
I am drinking tonight
In a desperate attempt to forget you
The feel of your arms around me
The feel of your words on the back of my neck
The memories we build together
The first few bricks of what could have been an empire
The first few bricks you crushed under your foot
You destroyed me
Just like all the others have before you
Peaked at my soul,
Stole what you found
Ran away with pieces I can never get back
You're a thief and I'm hopeless
Unable to move on
Now that you have my heart
And I have nothing
Nothing but dust, tears and anger
For being a fool once again
Taking a step forward
Jumping into the void
In hope you would
Take the chance with me
You looked at me
And smiled away
I got blinded
Trusted you with my eyes closed
Didn't realize you were faking
Until from far away, I could tell your shape
Was still on the edge of the hole
And you have the ladder to bring me back
But behind you it stays still
As you watch me fall down
Fall in love
Hopelessly
Sep 2014 · 3.0k
Mon papa
Mon papa, c'est le plus fort des papas.
Mon papa, c'est le plus beau des papas.
Mon papa, même quand il est fatigué, on dirait Richard Gere.
Mon papa, même si il est carnivore, moi, je l'aime quand même.
Mon papa, quand il mange, on dirait qu'il a 5 ans, mais moi, je l'aime quand même.
Mon papa, il a des voitures super cool qui font vroom.
Mon papa, quand il conduit, on dirait Michel Vaillant, même pas peur.
Mon papa, quand il me dit bonne nuit, j'ai même plus peur.
Les monstres sous mon lit, eux, ils se désintègrent avec la force des bisous de mon papa.
Mon papa, parfois, il ronfle et je l'aime quand même.
Mon papa, quand on est dans la piscine, il joue au crocrodile avec nous.
Mon papa, quand il porte des choses, les manches de sa chemise se déchire sous les   muscles.
Mon papa, avec une barbe, on dirait un homme des caverne, c'est trop cool.
Mon papa, quand il fait des câlins, on disparait sous ses couches d'amour.
Mon papa, quand il nous emmène faire du shopping, il supporte des heures et il sourit.
Mon papa, il nous laisse faire des trucs qui lui font peur, mais il veut nous faire plaisir, alors il dit oui.
Mon papa, il m'a laissé faire du saut en parachute, et je suis même pas morte.
Mon papa, il râle parfois mais on sait qu'en fait, c'est parce qu'il nous aime.
Mon papa, même quand il voyage, il pense à nous.
Mon papa, il nous emmène en voyage avec des photos tout le temps quand il travail.
Mon papa, il nous emmène en voyage tout le temps quand il est en vacances.
Mon papa, il fait des trucs de papa trop génial.
Par exemple, il connait nos restaurants préférés, et il sait ce qui nous fait plaisir.
Alors il nous y emmène.
Mon papa, même quand il est en colère, il est beau.
Mon papa, quand il sourit il est comme Thor, le dieu du tonnerre, il est puissant.
Du coup, parfois, ma maman elle fait un nervous break down.
Parce que mon papa il est trop beau c'est même pas normal.
Mon papa, il a un double menton pour que si un jour Game Of Thrones arrive dans la vraie vie, on pourra pas lui trancher la gorge.
Mon papa, il fait du vélo plus vite que le Tour de France. La preuve, ca fait des années qu'ils sont en France, mon papa, lui, il est déjà à Dubai.
Mon papa, parfois il oublie notre anniversaire quand on lui demande au pif, mais il oublie jamais de le souhaiter, donc on lui pardonne.
Mon papa, il voyage en first class.
Mon papa, il connait les aéroports mieux que James Bond.
Mon papa, il regarde des series TV de jeunes.
Mon papa, il porte des costards.
Mon papa, il nous emmène manger des dans endroits incroyables.
Mon papa, il nous emmène dans des hôtels de luxe.
Mon papa, il devrait être président du monde.
Mon papa, il est mieux que les autres papa parce que c'est le mien.
Mon papa, il est irremplaçable.  
Mon papa, si on m'en donnait un autre, j'en voudrais pas.
Mon papa, je veux que celui la.
Mon papa il est pas toujours là, mais c'est pas grave, parce qu'il est jamais ****.
Mon papa, il traverse le monde mais après il nous raconte, alors c'est cool.
Mon papa, il fait une super vinaigrette. Dommage que j'aime pas la vinaigrette.
Mon papa, quand il fait un barbeque, ca fait beaucoup de fumée et pas beaucoup de feu, mais c'est pour mieux nous impressioner quand il fait rôtir la viande.
Mon papa, il parle Anglais.
Mon papa, c'est le meilleur papa du monde.
Mon papa, je l'aime, même si maintenant, il a presque un demi siècle.
Mon papa, c'est comme un druide.
Ca meurt jamais.
C'est trop cool.
Mon papa, c'est comme une mode indémodable, tu veux jamais le remplacer, il est toujours tendance.
Mon papa, on peut pas le comparer a une mode fashion, parce que c'est un humain.
Mon papa, c'est le meilleur humain que je connaisse.
Avec ma maman et ma soeur et mon chat, mais chuuuuut.
C'est un secret.
Mais ce que je préfère à propos de mon papa, c'est que dès que je le vois, je peux lui dire:
"mon papa, je l'aime."
Sep 2014 · 195
Your words
Your words stain my skin with bruises
Your emotions are painted on your face but
They are forced on my body with
Your fists
Your words
Your eyes
The blood in your breath
The hate in your steps
The destruction you are inflicting on my body
You are one person bruising, destroying another with everything you are
I could have been loved with the same fists, words, eyes, but
I have been bloodied instead, all the way from the
Middle
Of
My
Chest
From my heart to
The
Surface
Of
My
Body
From my blue skin
I hurt everywhere I go
Everytime I move
Your words are stained on me in the worst ways
I can hear them as I bend and twist
I can feel them when I look down on myself
I remember every moment
I remember every hit, every hit, every hit you took on me.
I remember it all and it won't go away
Your words stain my skin with colors and I don't know how to
Stop
Loving
You
Making excuses as you destroy me.
One.
Bruise.
At.
A.
Time.
In a parallel universe I hold your hand
All night and that's all right
Our linked bodies clear the nightmares away
All night and that's all right
An armor formed of two bodies strong together
All night and that's all right
In an instant I surrender to the warmth and the calm
All night and that's all right
Your grip is tight, mine is tighter
All night long we dream along
I live in a world of incertitude
Where your hand might disappear
When my eyes open up and I blink the dream away
The shape of your body cuddled along mine
Blinks in and out of focus
The fear spears me and I dissolve in a puddle of terror
Liquid tear and phantom limbs
The ghost of who I was
Still broken by a boy
Magician stealer of hearts
Stealer of dignity
You said you had no dignity left, I did not know you would steal mine
Sep 2014 · 261
I have felt death
I have felt death
Its bony fingers on my soul
Its cold breath on my skin
I have felt what it felt like
Not to need air
Not to exist anymore
To be a shadow around those alive
To be a ghost wandering
Tip toeing around the living
Trying to get people's attention and realizing
Too late
You are nothing to anyone
I have felt death
Its murmur giving me chills
The words whispers on my lips
Barely there yet awake like opened eyes
Moving back and forth against my tongue
Words of oblivion
Sep 2014 · 445
Did you forget?
I can't tell if you're busy
With the new life that you're living
Or if you never cared for me at all
I can't tell if you'll change your mind
Walk back and pick up my hand
Or if you forgot I was right behind you
I can't tell if you ignore me
To get a rise out of me
Or if I never mattered to you anyway
Sep 2014 · 404
Forest fire
You're a forest fire and I'm nature
Started as a spark in the deep of the night
And light up my entire universe
The fire did not hurt at first
Too busy to admire your light
I didn't feel the burn
But the burn,
Oh, the burn,
Is so painful, so hard to escape
You're lighting me on fire
And turning me to black and ashes
When all I wanted was a little warmth
A little light
But you're turning me to black and ashes
Sep 2014 · 416
Crunchy Nut
I don't fall in love that easily, but when I do, God always makes sure it ends badly.
Why do I keep hoping it will work, I have no idea.
Why do I keep trying when I know what will happen, I can't say.
I guess I must like the burn.
The burning flesh when his rejection rubs me raw, the fire in my throat when I want to speak the words but he's kissing someone else, the hands crushing my porcelain heart in tiny pieces.
Because why else would I keep on falling off mountains by myself when he promised he'd be there to catch me if I tripped?
And I have climbed this mountain so many times you'd think by now I would get there fine, but there is always a rock, always a slippery ***** I never see coming, and I always find myself alone and bruised at the bottom.
The climb, though, the wind and the thrill and the fresh air and the kisses in the morning and the eternal smiles on our faces and the Crunchy Nut I bought you for breakfast at my place are still sealed shut in a box, along with all the promises you made.
I have lived this story so many times I can almost predict what words will come out of your mouth next, and my open heart might never have a chance to be sealed shut like that pack of cereal full of promises you never opened, because you never took the time to pass by.
I want you so bad
Sep 2014 · 560
Circus
You.
You juggled us so well between your life you should be in a circus. You could be a magician with how well you hid her from my sight until she was so close I could feel her heart beating as fast as mine. Mine with betrayal, hers with the rush of victory.
And the worst is, you didn't even try to deny it, you ruined me and left me and she was here to witness it all and rejoice in the massacre you made of my feelings for you.
You could be a clown for that matter, since you know so well how to make me feel like a fool.
You could own that ******* circus because you master the art of illusion. You come and go as you please, and you never stay in a place long enough to see the hearts you broke crumble in front of you.
But you broke me.
You broke me and I will never forget you.
I want to forgive you for forgetting me
Sep 2014 · 623
Oxygen
I lacked the ability to breath for so long that when you came into my life carrying an oxygen mask I thought you had hung the moon in a parallel universe you have created for us.
But you invited her first.
if she ever leaves give me the key, I have carved stars for us to hang
Sep 2014 · 351
Could have
I had never drank myself to sleep until yesterday, when I saw you touching her arm the way you used to touch my body.
And I cannot understand how you tumbled out of my life so fast, and yet here I am. Hungover and cut in two after watching you love her with every part of the soul I was hoping would be mine.
I obviously know nothing about capturing someone's attention because she caught you in 0.5 seconds and even I was impressed.
But know if you'd come at my apartment that night I invited you, you would have known what it felt like to own someone completely.
I could have made you so. *******. Happy.
I had prepared myself to fall for you so hard, I was ready to stay awake at night and catch your dreams in my hands so I could make them a reality, I was ready to buy you a Nerf gun and challenge you to win at a water fight, I was ready to walk at 3 am to lie in bed with you for 3 minutes, I was ready to embrace all the good and all the bad and kiss you so good you wouldn't be able to tell if it was a fantasy or if I'd been made for you by the very angels I curse right now.
I was ready to take the jump and trust you'd catch me but I fell flat on my face when she walked by.
I haven't found the strength to stand back up and fight yet.
But when I do, I will march on this ***** until she understands you do not mess with angels.
SERIOUSLY WHAT HAPPENED TO US
Sep 2014 · 212
Someone who would
There are few things I regret in my life
But this one thing,
I keep going back to.
I wish I had found a best friend.
Someone who would have seen me evolve into the woman I am now.
Someone who would know all the good, and all the bad in me.
Someone who would pick up on the first ring when I called.
Someone I could talk to about everything.
Someone with whom I would have built an empire of memories.
Someone who would be a recurrent character in the story of my life.
Someone who would be proud of me.
Someone who would unleash all the great and awful things inside of me.
Someone who would appear on every holiday pictures, every year.
Someone who would tell me to cut it out if needed.
Someone I could talk to.
Someone who could talk to me.
Someone I could fight against one minute, and die laughing the next.
Someone I would let read my writings.
Someone I would have no shame around, and who would have no shame around me.
Someone so dear to me I could say "I'd take a bullet for you" and mean it.
Someone who would know how I sleep, and how I laugh, and where I hide.
Someone who would gather me into his arms and say nothing, because he would know.
Someone who would want to look up at the stars with me.
Someone who would know my biggest dream.
Someone who would be there when I make it happen.
Someone I would worship because we would be on a whole different level of friendship.
Someone who would never judge me.
Someone who would make fun of me for my choices, but support me all the same.
Someone I could do all these things for.
Someone I could love and cherish.
Someone who would not be my family.
Someone who would have chosen me just because of me.
Because of who I am.
Because he would have made the decision that I was worth all of it.
Because I would be enough.
Because I would feel like I was enough.
Because he would fill the dark hole in my heart.
Because he would light up a candle and watch over it forever.
Because he would surprise me by being a she.
Because I would not have to wonder what gender he/she would be.
Because I would not have to imagine any of this.
Because it would be Destiny working its magic.
But I guess Destiny did not have me in her plans.
Sep 2014 · 527
Qui suis-je?
Qui suis-je, à part une poussière sur ta vie?
Je ne suis rien qu'un grain de sable
Sur l'étendue de ton océan je
N'ais rien de plus que le regret de mon insignifiance je
Suis invisible pour les yeux et ton cœur
Ne peux pas voir ce que tu refuses de lui montrer
Aussi noir que des poumons noircis par la haine tu
M'ignores chaque jour un peu plus
Chaque jour un peu mieux je
M'efface de ton champs de vision
Car je n'y ai jamais eu ma place
Des années à te servir d'ombre
Je te suivais avec perfection mais tu ne voyais que
Mes fautes
Je n'ai pas le courage de continuer à vivre dans ton univers
Je me rétracte vers la lumière éblouissante de la vie que j'ai manquée
Jusqu'alors persuadée de ta perfection je réalise
Que tu ne faisais que cacher ma vue avec tes mains
Soufflant au creux de mon oreille ce que je désirais entendre
Afin de noyer mes doutes dans ma confiance tu
N'es qu'une poussière sur ma vie et je te chasse
D'un abile coup de poignet tu disparais
Je me tourne vers l'océan et
Mon souffle…
Se
Coupe.
Sep 2014 · 1.3k
My blood is ink
Writing is easier than yelling out every emotions
Writing is calming, a soothing voice –your own- dictating what to write
Writing is an escape.
Your thoughts move from their dark place inside your head,
Travel
Down
your neck,
Down
Your arm,
Feel the tension of your wrist as they go up, up,
Up into your waiting hands, fingers ready to translate the vague into the precise
Words tumbling down the ink of your pen.
Writing is the blade I slash across my wrist to feel the pain
Writing makes it visible.
My emotions.
Raw.
On paper.
Right. There.
Like a line of blood dripping down the numbness of a hand rended useless by the power of sharp blades.
My blood is my ink, and each day I bleed a little bit more onto the page, a little bit

l                o n g e r

Each day I shed my invicible suit to put on my poet cloak
For a few hours I pretend I'm a writer
I bleed to death everynight and then come back to life the next morning
I die everynight I peaceful sleep and when I wake up the blood is new.
The blood is fresh.
The blood is black.
And I bleed again and again my anger, my sadness, my incomprehension, my fear, my love, my hate, my loneliness, my grand feelings
I bleed them out
My blood is my ink.
My blade is my pen.
My pain are the words.
My redemption is the beauty of my pain
I lie down and realize my blood doesn't disappear, doesn't wash out.
No one can erase my death.
Because I am once again alive
And I will bleed forever.
Sep 2014 · 315
Music
Music does something to me.
Some songs feel like the only anchor to life I have, or need, to go on.
Music does something to me.
It comforts me and hurts me at the same time.
The voice burns a hole in my heart all the while mending the ache
The voice is my companion and I'm not alone in my loneliness
I can hear their pain in their voice as much as I hear mine in my head, my throat, my heart
Everything is agony but I'm not alone and it's soothing
Because we're miles apart
But we are connected
And I'm not dead
And I hear it all
And I feel it inside my bones
And my eyebrows wrinkle with feelings
And my heart constricts and
I don't know what to do with myself
Like torture
The sound touches every part of my pain and sets it on fire
But the burn eases at the same time as it flames up
Uncomprehensible
But it heals and breaks and I'm conflicted but I'm already addicted
And then their voice is just knocking on the other side
And I can feel myself being transported in another world
Where nothing can touch me
Nothing can hurt me
Because I'm in another universe.
The rhythm is making me feel both amazing and incredibly sad.
Music does something for me.
Music is my cure.
Music is life.
Music is my lifeline.
Music is the reason why I know I'm alive
Because it bursts through my window like I keep it open during the brisk winter nights
And it warms my home, my body, my heart as if it never felt cold
As if I never feel frozen inside
As if I never am alone
As if I never wonder what I did to deserve who I am
What I am
Why I am

So.

Empty.

Inside.

If I were a material, I'd be cold metal
Ice to your touch
Ice to mine
So untouchable
And hurting from it everyday.
Sep 2014 · 4.1k
Lonely is a monster
Lonely is a monster,
Crawling from under your everyday thoughts,
Slowly turning your mind upside down,
Making you wish for things to end.
For things to stop.
Lonely hasn't got a shape; it forms itself through your fears and weaknesses.

Lonely is a monster,
Destroying you from within,
A designed killer with a wicked power,
Entering your head and spreading dark lies,
Hoping to find some release in your pain.

Lonely is a monster,
Feeding on your insecurities and your failures,
Wishing for more.

Lonely is a monster,
Moving its tentacles around in your head, searching for fears,
Looking for more.

Lonely is a monster,
A lonely monster, created by you, fed by you, controlled by you.
You give it its power to destroy you,
You give it all it needs to live and settle within you.

Lonely is a monster, a representation of all that you feel,
Your concerns,
Your pain,
Your weakness,
The dark side of you.

Lonely is a monster,
Looking for company,
Looking for someone to break the monster,
To change it into a person,
To make you appear.

Lonely is a monster,
A sad monster,
A weak monster,
A scared monster,
A hurt monster,
A monster that wishes to be something else,
Something that can be loved and cherished,
Loved and cherished,
Loved and cherished.
Sep 2014 · 1.8k
Lonely is a fortress
Lonely is burning a hole through my heart
Lonely is burning my soul to the core
Lonely hits me hard everynight
When everything around me is silent
When everything around me is dark and menacing
I have no one to hide behind
     I have no choice but to confront my monsters
They watch me with sympathy
Turning around teasing me surrounding me everywhere they are everywhere and I can't breathe but I don't know how to talk and how my body is disconnected from my soul and I try I try to breathe but it's silent my heart my heart my heart doesn't work it doesn't ring in my hear I have no heart I am frozen and they are closing in on my they are everywhere I can see them closing on me so close so close so close so so close they are all coming so close
And I can't take a breath
Lonely is choking me up
Lonely is making me weak
Lonely is winning the war
I have no one to save me
Lonely cannot be defeated
For as long as I am alone
And lonely has written its name
Along my body
Along my heart
With fierce, burning flames
My saving grace lies within the 7 billion people on this planet
But lonely is gaining ground all the way to my eyes
Burning a path down my cheeks
And crashing down with rage and pain
My heart feels the burn and my soul
My soul
My soul doesn't know where to hide
Or who to talk to
The guilt is lapping at her
WIth her burning tongue she
Reminds me that it is up to me to create relationships with other people
And my soul has no one to blame but herself and the shame, the pain…
… is like an open wound that cannot be healed, for it is not a physical wound
But a psychological pain drenched with the salt of my tears
Lonely has made its home in her heart
And tears are the only ones that get to escape the forteress of loneliness
That her body has become
Everynight she prays to a God she doesn't believe in anymore
And everynight her heart is getting stronger
Her mind is weaker
Because lonely has a mind of its own.
And its pushes me down
Drowns me in
Drowns me down
The salt of my tears
Sep 2014 · 644
Ton coeur
Injecte des mots dans mes veines
Emplis mon coeur de passion
Je suis ton jardin d'Eden
Un esprit d'illusion

Observe les étoiles dans mon regard
Et la promesse des mots sérieux
Ne te moque pas de mon ******
Je n'ai pas le temps de me perdre dans tes yeux

Donne moi le temps de souffrir
Pour comprendre la valeur d'un sourire
Je ne suis pas une guerrière
Bien qu'en contestent mes blessures dernières

Invente-moi un poème
Sous la lumière de la lune
Je t'en prie reste toi-même
Ton ombre est une importune

Elle n'a jamais sur parler le language de ton âme
Ou de ton corps en flamme
Elle ne connaît pas la lumière qui émane de toi
Ni la sureté que tu me procure en me prenant dans tes bras

Je n'ai pas besoin de ta protection
Si seulement tu me proposais l'option
Des mensonges sur tes lèvres lorsque tu ne comprends pas
Que la seule chose dont j'ai besoin chaque nuit, c'est toi

Tu m'accuses de prendre trop de place
Dans ton cœur protégé d'une cuirasse
Je ne sais pas comment briser le bouclier autour de ta peur
Et chaque jour un peu plus je me meurs

De toi
Du son de ta voix
De ta présence tout près de moi
Je me rétracte doucement
Vers l'ombre que j'ai rejetée
Ton cœur n'a rien de flamboyant
J'ai compris que tu l'avais brûlé
love french amour coeur heart brule cassé
Sep 2014 · 197
(I wish)
Sometimes I try
I swear I try
To be happy
To be carefree
But then reality snaps back
Like the elastic band
Put on their wrists to help them
When they want to cut
And I'm reminded of all the things
That make me sad
Like the hugs I don't get
The kisses no one gives me
The soft words I need to hear so badly
The arm which should hold me close at night
Never have I considered ending my life
But in these times
These lonely times
I remember life is all about love and
Sharing
Things whith those you care about
And I realize
I'm
So
****
Lonely.
My heart is so full of things I want to say
Things I want to write
Things I want to shout
Things I want to sing
Things I want to say
So heavy with emotions
And yet I never pick up a blade because
I own a pen
And I write away to ease the ache
I wish I could be more optimistic
More artistic
Write more, create more, do more
BE more.
But I'm just me
And I am doing the best I can
As I am
Even though sometimes it's hard
Even for me
To open up to myself
And to let myself write down what needs to be said
I want to ink it all down
Until I can't feel my hand anymore
Until my head is empty of
words


(I just wish there was more to say.)
Sep 2014 · 231
The way you left me
I am exactly the way you left me
In the wintery day you said I wasn't worthy
The snow has turned me to ice
Like the words spit from your lips turned my heart to glass
So easily shattered
Icebergs of the past revealing the truth of thousands of years in hiding
Brittle bones and DNA
As if you didn't know pain is only temporary
But traces of love last forever
No matter how broken I am
Memories of completeness linger at the back of my mind
Surface back in my dreams like ice cubes in water
Slowly dissolving, transparent and ever changing
Ever alive
A few deep breaths and I see smoke
From the dragon lungs I own
Since the day you turned my heart to ashes
And every season it burst aflame again
Each time a breath comes out
So does the smoke from my burned spirit
And I am back on track
Not the girl I once was
But stronger and weaker at the same time
Strong, lonely and sad… just like you
Hard to love
And be loved
Hard to break
Too tough for you
Sparks flew then it was over
And the only memories I own are those the flames consumed
With burning passion the love evaporated in the heat
Just like the breath of life
I insuflated in your lungs
With my cold cold soul
I am exactly the way you left me
And moving on isn't easy
Sep 2014 · 157
Seeking compagny
I believe a lot of people lie about liking being alone.
No one really wants to be alone.
It's a way to protect oneself, not a way to live.
It's a statement.
Being alone says:
"I can handle myself, I can take care of myself."
But it also means:
"I have nothing to hold on to.
I have no on to care about.
I am lonely.
I am hiding it, but I need rescuing.
I appear like I seek loneliness
But I am fooling each and everyone of you.
I am only seeking company."
Sep 2014 · 171
lost inspiration
Things are so much harder
When all your feelings are bottled up
And you don't know what's keeping them inside
But
You can't get them out
And everything inside you amplifies and hurts ten times more than if you would
Just
Write
But you can't
And you don't know why
It's so hard
Because nothing you want to say comes up and nothing you do feels right
And it's just
So
Hard
To keep on being human
To live like everyone else
You don't feel like everyone else. You feel different. Sadder.
Almost like the only thing that could save you was hiding away from you.
Your writing.
Your love for words is there but your inspiration is

G
O
N
E

It's hidden somewhere
In the depths of your soul
It's hiding from something you haven't yet discovered.
It's hiding well.
You wonder for how long it will hurt.
Sep 2014 · 208
You tell me
You tell me it's okay
I should enjoy that
When you bash my head in with a baseball bat
And my skull splits open
With ideas of what a relationship should be
And you step all over my ideals
They turn into blood
And seep through the floor and into the ground
Forever feeding the seeds of violence.
Sep 2014 · 350
who you are
You are the wind and the sea
You are the sun and the stars
You are everything
When I look around all I see is
Everything reminds me of you I am
Lost in translation
No words can describe
You
Are not a three letter word
Or a sound in someone's mouth
You
Are not a simple pronoun used to be refered to
You
Are the galaxy in my universe
The ray of sunshine on a rainy day
You
Are not an exact definition of the word
You
Are so much more than
You
Do not know what it is like to be
Me
A simple two letter word which is never
A sound in someone's mouth I
Am not recognizable or worthy of attention
I
Am slowly disappearing into oblivion
I
Am a one letter word never used in any way
I
Am neither one or the other
I
Used to believe I would be a part of
Them
But I do not exist in their eyes
I
Am only a one letter word and
They
Are so much more than I could ever hope to be
You
Can grow one letter bigger but
I
Am to far away from
You
So I cease my useless efforts because
I
Am only a one letter word
Which is never relevant as it is never used
My mouth never opens to make me appear
Behind the mask of silence I hide my name
I
Am not only a one letter word but
I feel like an unsignificant piece of life
I
Do not want to disappear but
Who am I?
A one letter word in a silent mouth attached to an invisible soul.
Sep 2014 · 610
you don't know me
You don't get to call me out on my actions
You don't know me at all
You don't know I lost my soul to the devil spying on me
Watching from the ceiling my life pass by
In the bed where I lay
Still
Silent
A statue as strong as the universe
As heavy as the weight of the world
When the sun comes up and down
Bashing me in sunlight only to dim the light
Until nothing is left but darkness
And in those moments of quiet restlessness
I stay silent and let my mind drift to places
Where hidden monsters peek from underneath my healthy mind
Filling my head with thoughts as dark as the night
And I see it
The light at the end of the tunnel
The escape I can't run to
Without sharing my last breath with the empty space next to me
Where you were supposed to appear
To take all my worries away
And lift me in the sky
With the force of your bare heart
Lifting my spirit up in space  where I look up to see you
But you are nowhere to be found
And I am nowhere to be
And the stars won't answer me
They blink and watch upon my story
With a frown upon their faces
Wondering when I will be strong enough
To join them.
And that is why you don't know a thing about me
You don't know my ribcage is empty
You don't know my world is my poetry
You don't know and it doesn't matter
You are nothing to me as I am a shell without a heart
Disappeared years ago in the night
Where I would hold your hand and pray for you
A rescue, a bandaid to my pain
But I bled and ruined you
And now you're gone.
Sep 2014 · 216
Forever happy
Nothing really matters
Not when I'm on my own
Not when I'm all alone
Thinking to myself
This is what you get
You go around thinking you know everything
Thinking you know better than everyone
When really they know better than you
You
Who
Don't even remember the last time you said you loved someone
You
Who
Live on your own and think it's all good when you're just lying to yourself
Lying
Lying
Just lying
Because the truth is too hard to handle
Because the truth is that you are guilty for feeling sad
You have everything you could ask for
A family that loves you
A good situation
Food on the table every night
A few friends who cares
The opportunity to study abroad
The chance to travel around the world at least once a year
The perfect life
You've got it all
And yet you feel sad, more often than not
And you don't want to think about it or complain
Because those are feelings you shouldn't ever have
Your life is perfect
You've got it all
Why would you ever be sad
When people are homeless?
When people are abused?
When people die of hunger?
When people are killed?
When people have reasons to be unhappy?
Why would you ever be sad?
You don't get to be sad when you have a perfect life
You don't get to complain
You get to sit in your room and cry when no one is watching
Because you're ashamed of your feelings
You get to act tough and untouchable when all you want is to crawl into somebody's arms and let them hug you
But you don't
Because your situation is good
And you have no reason to be sad
They all tell you to cut it out
You can't even sigh because nothing
Nothing
Nothing is wrong with your life
And you feel ashamed
Guilty
Guilty all the time
But the people in your life
They don't even see it
They don't see the hurt
Just the façade
No one ever tried to look over your wall and watch as the ruins of yourself burn and explode in pain
Pain because no one is here to built anything with you
No one cares enough to see you are just a shell of perfection
A shell of a person
A shell that can break under someone's feet
You are more than that
And no one sees it
Because they don't even care
They don't bother
They have problems of their own
Guilty because you were born on the good side of the barrier
You know the taste of good food
You know the feeling of a good bed
You've got it all and it's not enough
And as you break inside no one watches and you crumble
And your shell of perfection holds on
It holds on and on and on
And maybe forever it will stand
Leaving you behind those high walls, on your own, in your shield
Alone and scared and ashamed and guilty and hurt
And smiling
Smiling because you can't be sad
Sep 2014 · 217
My arm
I don't feel safe in my head anymore
My head is telling me dark things
My head is dragging me down
It turns on me every night
When I hold on for dear life on the only arm that has always been here for me
I squeeze it tight and hope for the wave to pass but
It's not a wave
It's a Tsunami
Rushingrushingrushingrushingrushingrushingrushing
in my blood
   Coursing my veins with the incertainty of a future where I don't have to be alone
Coursing my brain with the possibility of a future where I don't have a choice
Where everyone around me has someone else's arm to hold onto
I have nobody else's but mine and it is
PAINFUL
Because I can't be understood and I can't change the way I am and
I talk
I write
I try
I try hard
I try so hard
I try so ******* hard
To be who I want to be
But
The weight is holding me back in the water
In the dark
Wherever it needs me
And I am there
Suffocating with the need to talk and the desire to be invisible
And I reach back and search
And hope for it to break
And hope it never does
And I go on to do things by myself because life goes on
And people move on
And no one waits for me because I have to hop on and make my own place
But as I watch them all go all I can think is that it's not my fault
I'm a little be twisted to the side
I'm a little bit twisted inside
I'm a little bit broken by years of not being taken care of
Because no matters how careful I am with myself
Each day I fall and break
Each day I'm a little more chipped
And I'm scared
Terrified of the day I will be one last chip falling into
O…
      B…
            L…
                   I…
                          V…
                                  I…
                                         O…
                                                 N…
Because we all fall astray
But I will fall head first
Because the arm I'm holding on to is my own.
Sep 2014 · 366
Skinny food
I am tired
Of all the *******
Tired
Of watching myself in the mirror everyday
And think
"I'm not enough"
"It's not enough"
"I'm never enough"
Not skinny enough
Not small enough
Not gracious enough
Not funny enough
Not fit enough
Not beautiful enough
Not not not not not enough
Never enough
I want to dance in my underwear
And not care
About the size of my thighs
Of my *******
Of my ***
About the skin of my stomach
About the fact I'm not starving myself to feel pretty
Society succeeded
I feel like all I'm ever thinking of is weight
"Why do I eat that?"
"Why do you eat that? Do you want to be fat?"
Guilty
Of being human
Of craving sugar when women are
Expected
To eat
Air and
Grass
I'm not a cow
Why do you try to make me feel like one?
I'm
Tired
Of being taught to show off my shaved legs
And my flat stomach
And my flat *******
And my flat ***
Why are you doing this to us?
Why do I feel the need to dress like a *****?
And walk like a *****?
And act like a *****?
And not feel offended when I feel hands on me
Pushing at my clothes
Trying to see more
When all I want is dance and have a good time?
You teach me to show off skin
To starve my body
And you blame me when I get ***** in a corner
For being a ****
I'm just brainwashed
Like every other girl
Surrounded
By
Pictures
Videos
Slogans
Models
Guys
Who make fun of normal?
And ask
And request
And order
A skinny version of me, invisible me, size 00 me
Why can't I be myself?
And eat chocolate cake when I feel like it?
Why do I feel forced to eat a salad?
Why do I feel judged?
What is wrong with you
Making me feel less than I am
Worse than I look
Ugly when I'm not?
What is wrong with you
Making us throw up our lunches
And skip dinner
Wait for death to pick our boneless bodies up
When all we truly want is to be
Loved
Accepted
As we are.
I shouldn't feel bad looking at myself
I should feel bad looking at what Society tries to teach us
And feel ashamed that Humanity is Society
And Society is only what we made of it.
Sep 2014 · 239
the color of your lips
The color of your lips
The pretty color of your lips
Trun grey when I see
What you have done to me
The moment my eyes opened
To the dim sunlight
In the morning of your death
I looked up to see your face
Covered in happiness
A smile up aimed at my grief
The shade of your mouth
Turned up toward the sky
Where I imagine you
I can't keep my eyes off this vision
Of the lovely person you were
Standing there waving me off
You would like for me to go to hell
But I'm holding on to the edge of the earth
Pondering your next move
Which will either pull me up
Or throw me down
Into the universe
Where I lost my heart
To the better part of myself
Where I keep swimming
In the ledge of truth
When I lie awake at night
Wishing for dreams to appear
But they will not
As all of my dreams swim in your eyes
Like a calm lake you watch over me
And smile again
Wondering when I will finally break
Break
Break
Break
Into an ocean of broken thoughts
And shattered dreams
That you mastered in destroying
Controlling and angry
Hot and cold
Sad and happy
I held my breath
The moment your lips turned blue
From me, choking you
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I SEE
But I can't change the past
You have died by my hands
I have destroyed you
Like you destroyed me
Sep 2014 · 360
Blind
I open my eyes but all I see is
Black
Blinding lack of bright color I
Try to open my eyes but all I see is the darkness of the world I
Want to see the blue blue sky I
Want to see the pink of love
The red of passion
The green of jealousy
The smile of friendship
The selfless act of kindness I
Want to see the beauty around my dark soul
The cure to cancer and all the diseases that plague the dying world I
Want to see the reason why their eyes light up their faces when mine
Rain all over my cheeks I
Want to believe in the stories told in books
Where the last seven words go
"And they all lived happily ever after"
I want to see
The simple eye contact of attraction I
Want to see the reason why people grin at the world
Want to see the colors of the rainbows but
I'm blind to all the good things in life
I'm blind to all that matters in life I
Am blind to love
Blind to hate
Blind to all the feelings because I am
Blind to the sun, blind to the night as they
Blend together in a grey canvas of hope and despair,
Of black and white
Of presence and absence
Of the reasons why the world is round
And why we have no such thing as peace I
Am blind to the kindness and the hatred I
Am blind to the great big world
As I live in my own universe I
Am a simple galaxy
Waiting for a black hole to finally absorb me in I
Am a grey canvas
And I wait.
Sep 2014 · 137
You hate me
You hate me
For I do not share
The color of your skin or
The same God or
The same attraction to male gender I
Feel the hatred
And the pain in my chest slices like knives you
Hate me with all your heart but you don't have anything left
To love the good parts in people you
Hate me with all your heart but what you don't realize is
You're chipping away pieces of yourself
In this crazy drive to hate those who are different you
Destroy all the good around you and
You don't seem to care at all
When you complain about us you
Show us the reason why the world is going to **** and
You don't CARE at all but
We do.
We care.
We say stop.
This hate has to stop because we can do better.
We can be better human beings you
Can be better if you would just try
To see past the curtain of anger blinding your vision you would see
We all share the same features
We all share the same air and no matter how much you hate it we
Breathe together at once
We share everything in this world and instead of fighting it
If you would just drop your weapons
Made of insults, fists against our skin, crushing our open arms into boneless flesh
You would see
The other side is made of acceptance and gentle words
Made to soothe the aches of your kind
Made to dissolve the hate into love
You would see
We are just waiting for you
To cross onto our side
And each step you take is mending the broken bones
Of our broken arms
And addressing the wounds
We could offer so much
If we did not have to fight against our right to be alive and ourselves
IF
Only we could all stop fighting against what we can't change
We could focus on the changes we can make
A society that needs healing
We could teach our kids to welcome anyone with open arms
Without fear of being crushed
Damaged
Demolished
Fragmented
Injured
Mutilated
Shattered­
Smashed
Split
In pieces
We could heal if one day you would just learn to
Love me for me.
Sep 2014 · 450
Breaking things
Breaking things
It's too easy to break things
We all do.
We break glass
Wood
Bones
Hearts.
We all break and we all die
And you can't do anything
We break it all
And try
To sew it back up
Sometimes it works
Sometimes not.
But we are young
Too young to be broken
Too old to be perfect
We make mistakes
We all do.
We lie, we steal, we break.

— The End —