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Pao Jun 2018
rot
colors rot
and so do we

our minds, our souls, our bodies
decaying in the wind
carrying us to unexplored terrain
carrying us to mysterious lands

our minds rot
and so do we

our souls, our bodies
decaying in the dirt
seeping its way into the trees like vines

our bodies rot
and so do we
Pao Jun 2018
You use and abuse
Blinded by your self-absorbed ego
Pretending to be a gentle soul
Just so you can spit the other out again

You don't love anyone except yourself
Lonely night and day
Thinking of ways
To get what you want

Because you've never learned how to love
All you've been taught was to abuse and use

Use and abuse
Abuse and use

Until you can't feel your pain anymore
Until you make the people that care about you numb  

You only care about yourself
When life presents you something magical
You chew it and spit it out again
You're custom to abuse
Never knowing what love is
Never knowing what lies beneath the surface
Of selflessness and kindness
  Jun 2018 Pao
She Writes
**** doesn’t always hide
At parties and outside clubs
**** doesn’t always hide
In dark alleys and empty parking lots
Sometimes it is right in front of you
But you choose to look the other way
**** doesn’t always hide
Behind the faces of strangers in the night
Sometimes it is hiding behind the closed doors
Of your uncles
Cousins
Fathers
And brothers
**** isn’t always loud-
Screaming, yelling, and crying
Sometimes **** is quiet-
Gasping for air and silent tears
Pao Jun 2018
SQUARE ONE:

i try to make amends with myself
but i keep falling back to square one
i don't know where to go
i don't know where i'm headed
but it all leads back to:



one house

one rule

one boy



one school

one touch

one promise



i keep falling back to square one
who am i to judge
the way you choose to be alive
we are all sick of the same rules
being alive is keeping your heart pumping  



my heart keeps beating, but  
i keep falling back to square one
drawing out a map and route it blind
i don't know where to go
i don't know where i'm headed
but it all leads back to:



one stare

one house

one rule



one boy

one school

one promise



we keep chasing ourselves in circles
falling short and feeling empty
drowning ourselves in self-fulfilling prophecies
not giving in
to letting all our pain sink us down
in the middle where we can watch ourselves drown
because we are never picture perfect like Hollywood movie screens  
sometimes it needs to hurt before we catch ourselves in the pit fall  

we always fall back to square one
Pao Jun 2018
Ecstasy is all around me  
Engulfing my lungs with pure bliss
Crawling its way up my throat
Spreading like a disease, until  
It reaches into my vocal chords

It begins to rest in all of insecurities I have left behind
It makes a nest - a home
Within the pleasures of being free.

Freedom escapes my tongue
And it hangs in the air like a woven thread
Until it circulates the silent room.  
The room of memories and new beginnings  
The room of my new beginning

Where I can lose myself in my thoughts
Lose myself in my dreams
Lose myself in my desires
And let my liberation run wild.
Pao Jun 2018
Not with a smile spread across my lips
Or an energetic laugh
Making my two friends holler with joy
As I spill out a witty remark.

But rather
With downcast eyes
Glaring at the shadowed pavement
Hoodie dangling from my shoulder
Stack of binders desperately trying to slip from my grip.
The moon beginning to make its descend
Behind the towering bus stop
Teenagers huddling around each other
Whispering into the muggy dawn.

My brain fuddling with sleep deprivation
I was always exhausted
Nothing satisfied my body  
Not the ambitions
Pumping in my veins
Strolling down the bustling streets
Of the city that never sleeps
Committed to land a position
As a front page writer
For the New York Times.

This routine of waiting
For a dream so far out of my reach
Is monotonous.
A cycle I can't quit
Even if I was granted the choice
I wrote this for a scholarship opportunity during my senior year of high school. I didn't get the scholarship.
  May 2018 Pao
Sanjali
“Silly Poet,
What do you write?
What are you thinking
On this deep dark night?”

I’m writing a song
For my sweet love
who broke my heart
and left it burnt.

I’m thinking about
A sky grey
With ashes falling
Instead of rain.

“Oh, Silly Poet,
Let it be.
You can’t fix yourself
With a rhyme or three.”

The silly Poet laughs
And continues living all the lives
That were created
Through the silly poet’s rhymes.
Never forget the battle
That was once your glory and light~
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