For millions of years,
The sun has been shining,
It’s endless giving has made it even more beautiful!

For millions of years,
The moon has been radiating light, and it has only become more exquisite With giving!

Hussein Dekmak

the moon is awake
as i close my eyes for the slumber
feeling indifferent to the ache
as the year slips off from december

every minute cannot be reversed
as the memories linger
should’ve left the wound be nursed
and be wrapped with a care so tender

regret unwavering
as my mouth is full words
from then i knew i failed expressing,
my deepest feelings were watchwords

why am i even writing about you?
it’s been 2 years since you’ve gone
isn’t it that it’s still true
that i’ll choose you only when i can’t carry on?

the sad truth is that i never carried on even when you’re gone.

If I'm to feel the shake of your winds gather the leaves from the trees will the rain fall down brushing my skin gently. Will the cleanse chill my skin, cause me to shiver or recoil? Will it touch my heart and cause a typhoon like the tears over missing you, its been years since I last knew what to do.

This season of life is full of simplicity
predictability
normalcy
it’s a little boy about to turn 4 who asks Mama to play with him and read him the same books over and over again
birthday party planning, holiday coordinating
co parenting changing,
his stubborn side showing,
refusing to eat meals and pushing as far as he can
but also so so sweet when he tells me
“Mommy, you’re beautiful”
“Mom I want a hug”
“Mom will you sit by me?”
toddler talks and stuttering over his words because he can’t get them out fast enough
Sesame Street on repeat and little boy jokes
daycare drop offs and after work pick ups
bedtime routines and storybooks
Single child syndrome, center of attention
this season of life is so simple
motherhood now is like holding onto the baby things while also helping him do the big boy stuff,
independence blossoming
I always wondered when we would get here
past the diaper days
the breastfeeding
the restless nights
and teething
it’s all so bittersweet
My only baby
maybe my only baby
through ***** ups and scoldings he still wants to hold my hand and be carried by Mama
this season of life is all about childhood for an almost 4 year old little boy

if a painting
had your voice
i’d sit and
watch it dry
for millions of years

So, hear me out when I say, I didn’t think we could last for this long……longer then I could count.
For thousands of years & more.

Oh, how I wish I never met you.
You sculpted me into the person I am today.
You taught me to be an amazing human being with out you.
You once said,
I’m insecure and I will always need a man.
But you know what?
If a man is anything like you,
I will never need or want one.
You once told me I was a loser,
But if I was a loser I’d be a beautiful loser.
You once said if I died you’d be happy
But if I died, I’d haunt until the day you died.
Maybe make you feel the way you made me feel.
Dad, I don’t need you. And I don’t want to need you either.

Them: “He isn’t answering”
Me: “He is typing slowly”
him answering the second after I said that
Them: “you really know him”

Yes, unfortunately I do. 2 years later, and I still remember little things like that.