What if we
lose our we would.
What if we
take out we should.
What if we
don't scream and shout.
What if we
We stop saying we could.
Is there anything more
we can leave out.
Our lives so full of doubt.
These words we can't live without.

Looking back, it seems so clear
   I should have known
We shared so many interests
   I should have told you
I wanted to know more about you
   I should have asked you
You were panicked, desperate
   I should have been there

If I'd known you were so close
   I would have reached out to you
If I'd known you had so little time
   I would have tried to make you feel better
If I'd known you'd do it
   I would have talked to you
If I'd known you would be dead
   I would have been a better friend

I feel responsible for your pain
   I could have tried harder to lessen it
There's so many times I regret
   I could have comforted you when you were down
If I'd only been there when you hit your low
   I could have stopped you, I could have tried
My guilt is so clear to me
   I could have stopped you, before you died

How can you think of them as
Inhuman?
Of having more relation to
Animals?
As being a
Commodity to life?
Less than?
Monsters
have more restraint
Oppress
Control
Rule
******?
Do we not all have
two ears
two eyes
A four chambered heart
That beats fast
With affections?
Do we not all have
One mouth
One brain
In which we take in
The world?
Stitched together with
Every senseless moment
Of hate
Of pain
Of our cruel actions
Is there any good?

Maybe.............

Maybe........ not............

WHY IS LIFE SO SENSELESS?

Where is logical thought?
The rational?
The compassion?
Where are the good people?
What is a life worth?

.............sometimes.............
.........the thought ...............
......comes to me.................
.........why?............................
...­.why does it?...................
..........................................­....

*In the end how much of me remains?

We are grown ups
Full grown *** adults
Making out in the front seat of your car at the edge of a crowded parking lot in front of a high school where mothers are picking up their daughters from their first homecoming dance
You know, like grownups do
But that’s not really what we are
Not here, not all day
Today we’ve been movie characters
We’ve been comic strip accidents
We’ve been fairy tale destinies  
The clock is striking midnight soon
This fidgeter’s bracelet still doesn’t fit over these fat fingers
Come morning you’ll be back in the castle
Where princesses belong
Stupid fairy god mothers always ******* up a perfectly good nursery rhyme

When you left you said
We would still wish on the same star
We would still hear each other's heart beats,
We would see each other when we see the moon,
*You said we would find each other again
And we would dance underneath the starry starry sky,
We would be forever
But we never did.

if i had nothing on my hand, would you still keep me on your heart

If you could, would you
Trade all these words
For the peace of mind
That you never got

If you could, would you
Wipe off all your memories,
scars and lessons
And restart

if you could, would you
Let the heart give away its last beat
To some goodbye
You think should never exist

As to what I would do
I am not so sure
All I can do is sit and ponder
What might have happened

If I had chosen to let you go
When I still had it in me

Things I would never tell you
This morning
I dreamt of defeating my own demons
Instead of looking for yours…
I spent time
Losing myself in a swish of color
To paint a safe haven I will never have…
I walked and walked
Until there were blisters on my heels,
Just so I could distract myself from this numbness
I know as sadness…
I burned my skin in the shower
Until it was red and blotchy,
Hoping to wash off that numbness…
I thought about
Leaving the unwashed conditioner in my hair
So that maybe it would dull my thoughts…
If you asked me about my day,
These are the things that I would
Never tell you.