Depression for a positive individual is like this
At first you don't even realize that you're depressed
Because you are naturally good at mostly seeing the good
But then laughing starts to hurt so you stop laughing so much
At 3am it wakes you up
And then again at 5am
But it doesn't let you get out of bed until 12pm, or maybe 1pm, or maybe 2pm
Days are so short and so are the long nights
You tell yourself that you are just upset and wake up the next day "motivated" to be better so that you could feel better
You lie to yourself
You are positive
But depression starts to follow you around you start to see it when you are having a good time out with some friends
You feel it watch you try to sleep
And then you find yourself watching TedTalk videos, funny comedies, and they actually help
Because you are such a positive person
But then
You feel this hole deep inside you aching with sorrow and wrath
And laughing is just impossible
3am becomes hell and so does 5am because depression took your sleep
And one moment you feel like you're on top of the world but the next these suicidal thoughts creep into your brain
Depression for a positive individual like me it's like
At first of course I ignore it
I don't admit the fact that I'm actually more than just upset because I'm naturally positive
And then I treat it as if it's nothing big
But hours turn into days that later turn into months
Most days I feel "happy" but at night when it's just me and my thoughts, I am not allowed to sleep
And if I do get a good sleep my days do not have any sun light, or rainbows
One moment I am the happiest person in the world
But the next I can barely get out of bed
Depression for everyone is like
A dark shadow that later on becomes all of you
An enemy that eats you alive, slowly but so painful that
You cry start to cry empty tears
Headaches are migraines
Friends, family, lovers, are hard to please so they are ignored
Because you feel ignored
It is the empty feelings that become your mornings and nights
And it's hard to understand
No one understands that just because you had a good day
It doesn't mean that tonight you will get any sleep
No matter how positive you decide to be depression lets you know every night that it is indeed better than you
Because you are, your own enemy
We are our own enemies and who knows to hurt us better than us?
Depression you
Depression me
And no matter how positive you are
Depression will try its hardest to win
to break you into pieces
And even after you are better
a part of you would forever be a part of depression
-S.A.M.M
