I won't be sad
While you're away.
I'll try my best
To not be afraid.
Of everything
That I'll need to face,
To take care of
My past mistakes.
But I'll miss you.
And I'll think of you
Every day.

Shut up, stop shouting!!
You're ranting blocks up my ears and thumps my brain.

Stop shouting!!
You're harsh words blacken the walls around you, I see nothing but bones and rust.
Your voice is like barbed wire and your eyes are that of a demon
Demanding me to impale myself with the blade but I won't do it!!

I won't.
I won't.

Shut up!!!
I beg you to stop. Your demanding too much!!
I'm strong in my mind, I'm sure,
You can't hurt me.

He can't!
I can't!
He can't hurt me!

It's been 72 days, 23 hours, 17 minutes and 35 seconds now and you still won't go away.
Maybe there's only way to end it but I can't!

I can't!
I won't!
I.....

I want you to know me.
I want you to here me.
I want you to feel me.
I want you to love me.

But there's some things you should know....

It won't be easy.
It won't be simple.
It won't be every day that you find me perfect.
But hopefully
It will be worth it.

I think you should also know...

That I have hated myself
That I have wronged myself
That I have hurt myself
And if you hurt me
Then I won't be able to do this anymore
I won't have the heart to keep going.

But most of all....
No matter everything else...

You should know that I love you

There is no stop
There is no yield
Red means nothing to me
The fat lady does not sing until my last breath
They use to push me down
Point their scornful glares towards me
I laugh
They thought I was like glass and tried to shatter me
You only made me stronger
Sure I was coal back then
But thanks to you I'm a diomond
Shining brighter than you
I'm still running
Running for the Zenith of a mountain I call my life
There will always be obstacles in the way
But thanks to you I'm use to it
I do not fear the unknown anymore
I invite it
Come forward and show me what you got
I will not stop
I will not yield
Green is the only thing that means anything to mean

So many things
I could say
I don't
won't
can't
so many things
the world will never know
silence writes in poetry

The hardest part of smiling
Is knowing it won't last

I'm the four year old girl
who pointed to the funeral home and said, "that's where my dad lives"

I'm the five year old girl who stopped speaking all together
who rather have them figure her out than let them know, her world is cracked

I'm the ten year old girl
whose seen every kind of doctor, yet still not okay

I'm the sixteen year old girl
who has made progress, her world is coming together, but somewhere along the way she lost the most important piece


I'm the girl who wants to sleep, fall into the total darkness

but I'm the girl who won't give up
and somewhere out there
is the boy who will be happy I used my stubborn ways

*someday