Dear Malak
Hi
This is a bit unsettling since the last time I saw you, was in the bathroom mirror; hair pulled up into a ponytail and you had a spark in your eye diminishing by the second.
I wanted to ask you what it felt like to lose; life, sense, sight.
I think you’ve lost a lot and yet you are still a wanderer unaware of the chaos that looms before you.
Explain to me the wounds that mark your skin and tell me about all the excuses you’ve placed for those who’ve abused you one way or another; may it be abusing it directly - strategically placing their knife through your spinal cord -  or taking you for granted since you oozed forgiveness until you walked away and thought the only way out, was through solitary.
You pushed away. You pushed away your worries and the blame, the hurt and ache, you pushed away the closest to you because it was easier to cave in than allow them to see the weakness that has made a home within your body, and that may not be a mistake but I begged you to knock on doors whenever you felt like losing yourself in a world or two or a universe and another.
I wanted you to bloom and not decay.
I wanted to to be and not
Explain to me how easy it is for the thoughts to create a beast that eats your insides and leaves your skin, a costume to be worn by the shadows that loom in you.
Tell me how your sadness sways with you
Tell me how you can’t find peace when peace surrounds you and how you latch on to the anger when it’s devoid of everything around you.
Help me understand the issues that pile up one after the other
I know it’s not easy explaining but I don’t mind if you wrote it in Morse code or painted it onto a blank canvas.
But talk to me.
Help me understand your wants and needs because it’s become harder voicing out your worries when all you hear is noise.
This has become as hard as yelling out for help as you hang off the edge of a cliff and I’m so afraid that at any moment you just might let go.
How are you?
I hope you’re doing fine.
I hope the thoughts ease up and your worries evaporate like rain
I hope the pain that grips your stomach ceases to exist because seeing you lose your appetite in anything that keeps you alive has caught my attention, and I don’t think happiness emerges from a place where all there is,
Is a lost girl wandering through an empty forest, and all she’s waiting for, is a monster ready to rip her to shreds.

Wandering in a land

Of darkness and sand

Sinking any moment

With a broken watch in my hand

At the middle of this circle

My circle of despair

Far away from home

From which i was banned

There which is no angle

To find some comfort 

You shall not stand, as this world is ******

Walls always expose you

To the darkness so mute

That steals your sanity

And leaves you all scammed

This never ending maze

What tricks has it planned

For this wandering child

Lost in wonderland?

The tension is rising slowly, as the blood pools beneath fingernails
I can hear the ropes start snapping, brittle as a leaf
The bells begin tolling, the vultures swirl amid the frigid air
Of the televised devastation of the week

I hide my true intentions, I do
Somewhat well, if I must then
Admit to something,
I didn't really care too

Stop me if you've heard this one before
Or heard it better, somewhere else
---------------------------------------------------
Sending money through the wire
Never ending crimson flow

Past the thoughts of victims
Intuition caught in undertow

Masqurades with musket powder, kegs
And lampshades tinted red

Festering my own psychotic
Philanthropic need for death

Sending money through a wire
Rising slowly through the smoke

Laughter bursting through the cracks
Of somebody's final joke

Celebrations, conversation
Windowpains and slitting throats

Powers set to loosen grips
But destitute, watch me still choke

I think its time we could talk about the ending
Open the intent that we're pretending
Its something to be said aloud
Lost within the frigid clouds above

Oceans slowly forming up above
torrents under spoken like a flood

Oceans slowly forming up above
The mainland

Getting lost in your eyes is, I am sure,
Much like being rescued from Tempest waters
With the Blue Moon dappled on my back.

What you see wonders with, I often find myself drowning in
But I never suffocate, no,
And I never die;
I just lose my breathe for a moment
Before you bring me to life.

I would very much like to meet the Sirens in your mind and appease each she through acquaintance;
I will jump in at the deep end with no questions asked-
Alas, I am not worthy to drink nor feel
The Aqua of your embrace,
Instead I cloud my face
And speak the lines that Prufrock spake:
'I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.'

I am undeserving of the swim within your sweet, salt water,
It would seem.

I'm a wandering soul
caught outside in the snow
fighting the blizzard conditions
swaying with the fierce winds
and watching the warm glow
of cozy kitchen windows
mock me.