a part of me,
the part that's good at biting its tongue,
wants these wounds to
bleed silently

but, I choose to live
a life clothed in white cloth
and let the stains scream louder
than the one trapped in my throat.

they adorn my body
with the stories of my
creation, a divine *******
clung upon my skin.

I have no bluff
no cards up my sleeve.
I only hope that in brazen openness
they will pity me.

flowers bloom
and beguile the hungry bees
to come and taste,
lest their stories die with them.

so too,
I stand here draped in bloodied white
praying to God that someone
will find something worthy.

I want to be as vulnerable as I can around you.
I’m trying my hardest.
I really am.
I cry because I’m scared.
Scared that you will hurt me.
Scared that you are just using me even after you told me you are not.
I love you I really do.
But it is so scary trying to be vulnerable when you have been vulnerable with others and they just use it against you.
They hurt you.
You promised that you would never hurt me but I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I want to believe you.
Trust you.
Love you.
I want to be vulnerable with you but I am scared not only of you but of myself.
Scared that you will leave me because I push you away.
Scared that you will use this vulnerability against me.
Scared that I’m gonna hurt you.
I don’t know what I’m doing in this confusing relationship.
But I’m trying my hardest to be vulnerable with you.
I want you to see the parts of me no one else sees.
I want to trust you.
Love you.
Believe you.
I want to be vulnerable with you and I want you to be able to be vulnerable with me.
But please promise me you won’t use it against me.
That you won’t hurt me.
I love you and I trust you.
So please don’t break my heart and use my vulnerability against me.

the inner voice whispers,
"tell them you're struggling."
my vocal cords are warmed up,
ready to give life to the words.
but the hand over my mouth
is an impermeable barrier
set by the critical voice
that is fueled by fear.

Hey!
Can we love like we’ve never been hurt?
Can we eat dessert before the main and stay sane?
Can we frolick in the rain and blurt out passions like we’re setting them free and yet they still remain?
Can we dance like Dervishes on hot tar? We run to the car with our sodden apparel and turn to each other with a look, wild and feral.
Wet lips collide and slip to the side as we laugh with our heads thrown back, our jaws slack from smiling so hard! Can we go that far?
Can we breathlessly cling, one to the other, hearts beating like drums in our chests?
Can a memory not yet made be the one I love best?

What a waste
Making a safe space.
You were never going to be
a man of vulnerability.
No haven on this sphere
could guard you from the
whispers that you hear.
Your inner voice, the one you should ignore? You gave the floor.
What a waste.

No veils and no guards at the door
–just me standing there, open...
transparent like a window who cannot hide the weather; all eyes can see through me.

I’m fragile
Please don’t hurt me
Please don’t break me
I’m not like one of those manufactured Chinese toys
That looks exactly like all the rest
I was made by hand
Hand crafted
Painted with care
Please don’t trip over me
Please don’t drop me
I won’t be able to find my feet to the ground quick enough
And I’ll crack in an instant
Please trust me
Please know I’m telling the truth
When a plate breaks
And shatters into dozens of pieces
It’s never delicately placed on the dinner table again
Never gets the privilege of holding mashed potatoes and serving a purpose
Never even considered worthy enough to bathe in a soapy rack full of unbroken dishes
One last time
Because once it’s broken, it’s trash
And you can’t mend it
Please don’t let me be that plate
Please don’t give up on me
Some days I feel myself cracking
And I can’t explain it
One painful insult
One excluded invitation
One too many responsibilities to keep track of
Begins the fracture
And my brain desperately craves for it to spread
Throughout my entire body
Connecting to every other crack ever created
And I’m on the verge of falling apart
On the verge of breaking
On the verge of shattering like a china doll in the hands of an angered two-year old
Yet somehow the tears in my eyes
Now running down my cheeks
And dripping off my chin
Are like glue
They don’t mend the crack
But stop it from spreading
And once the glue drys up
And leaves a clear coating on the edge of my breaking point
It’s almost invisible
Hidden from the rest of the world
The secret that I keep with only my reflection
Anyone looking would never see it on the surface
Or guess it was even ever there
Unless you forget
And your carelessness chips another part of me
But you won’t notice it
As the fracture ripples down my spine
Finding and splitting every single one of my bones
Until
I’m no different from the plate on the floor
And then you’ll notice
But a broken plate is only a broken plate
Good for nothing
Except creating a mess
And cutting yourself on the pieces
If you aren’t careful
Please don’t be the crack that finds the rest
Please don’t be the crack that finally breaks me
Please remember
I’m fragile