Understudy,
you fathom deeper
wetter
just to be better

bouncing below
your grey outlines
filed down by the times

one criticism! done Ruthlessly,
gets to you, but you know what
would be a better telling

and you're not wasting
all that good talent,
to be saved.

A lot of people think
it's shining armour that keeps them strong.

For me, it’s what’s underneath,
the bones of the matter
beneath the skin kite.

Let the wind take me and
watch how high I can fly.

Still alive and breathing
Hiding the frown by smiling
Sand quickly covers my feet
Suddenly six feet underneath

Mistakes from the past year
Fear running from the rear
Footsteps running from fear
Everything is visible from here

Six feet underneath
Buried under the heath
Wanting to rise and leave
Wanting to leave it all down here

Choir of furies in my head
Amalgam of monsters under my bed
Infestation of red
from the back of my head

Physically six feet over
Mentally six feet under
Suffocating, hope is losing
Dying but still fighting

"inside out, you’re underneath"
"don’t let me be gone."
"i’m a goner"
"i want to be known."


those are the lyrics
that had my eyes in tears
that had my heart in pain
they hit so close
so close to home
they hit my heart
they hit my head

every part of me
felt this song
felt me knowing
that eventually
no one can fix me.

i want to know myself.
i don’t want to be gone
i have to stop myself
stop it from being gone.

"i’m inside out,
you’re underneath."

i have to get right side out
i have to get that underneath
back outside
my filthy mind
my filthy mind that won’t let me escape

i can’t take another day
feeling this way
feeling like i’m somewhere
stuck in-between
between these spaces in my brain

It is dark here
The folds of cloth sheltering
Smoke drifts by lazy in the air
The fear is present
Stay here
Stay underneath
It is safe here
My head rings loudly inside
Like a branding iron in my brain
Don't get up
The light makes it worse
Underneath is safe
Shut your eyelids
Let unconsciousness sweep the pain away

I don't have elegant words
I'm not one to relate lips
To fresh picked strawberries

But I have feelings
They could deafen you
With their dial tone

And god I try to use them for good
But I end up finding the bad
In everything

I know you're a little rough
around the edges, I'm a bit
coarse on the inside

There are moments where
I question it all
I'm blind when you're not here

The simmer on my
hard-to-warm-up-to soul
slowly dissipates

I ought to learn to remind myself
It's okay to open up my thick skull
To let someone see what's underneath

But who's to say
I won't regret it
Like I have with every other
Gallivanting soul I've allowed
To muddy up my doorstep?

Like a star
Struck by shimmers of radiance
My joy
Comes to frolic
In meadows of my imagination
And with that wondrous gleam
I see the light
The light is calling me
Wanting me to be one of them
I turn away
Knowing there is a much better treasure
To be found here
Underneath me
Underneath life
*It is love