And 'it' must go on <------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                                                                     |
My ride is fast but my road is slow                                                      
I am going through dark, but i promise to glow                                  |
                                                                                                                    
I am the right arrow, using the wrong bow                                          |
Enough seeing through the wrong window, now time to
walk out of the right door                                                                        |

I explored me, you and us when I hit the very low                            
'Et tu brute' Man I never thought you too would join the ** ** **
                                                                                                                     |
Stuff me with all that you got and more                                              
I will take it all and I will still roar                                                         |
                                                                                                                    
When my feet's cold and life seems to take a toll                                |
I still feel blessed as I have my words -they are a WRITER'S Gold  
                                                                                                                     |
They say I am not what they see I can be, I say the same but I vow
That there will be a day when you will be reading columns
and I will be moving up the rows                                                            
                                                                                                                     |
I trust this struggle, that is my ladder to glory because I know        
If I give up today, I don't deserve no tomorrow                                  |
                                                                                                                    
I try, I loose, I learn, I try harder, you wish but won't see me go      |
Because this is my war, my ground, my dreams,
my screams,my shoes, my stage, MY SHOW<-----------------------------

I wish I was strong
I wish I was strong enough to get out from under the comfort of my sheets
Or the warm water washing over my body in the shower
I wish I was strong enough to open my books,
Instead of listening to the same five songs again
I wish I was strong enough to get over a loss,
Be it a failed exam or a boss I can’t beat in a video game
I wish I was strong enough to help my friends
Because that's the person I strive to be
I wish I was strong enough to keep that job
…

I wish I was strong enough to like my own works
But it’s hard to when they look like this
No rhyme scheme or metaphors
Only thing this poem has got going for itself is that repeating stanza
Real clever or whatever
You call it slam poetry
But you might as well call it sham poetry
Slam poetry
Because you need to be slammed drunk to enjoy your poems
And don’t even pretend like you didn’t notice
How no one seems to give a **** about this
This series of ‘works’ that you’ve been putting out
Where all you do is ******* swear and shout
At yourself
******* hell

I bet your last line would have been
“I wish I was strong enough to love myself.”
Boo ******* hoo
Too ******* bad
Because you’ll only love me the moment you realize
That what I say is true
I’m not gonna say that I’m only rude
Because I love you
I hate your guts too
much for something so…
Sappy
You’re a bit of a sentimental, right, boo?
If sentimental meant pushover

Criticism!
Sorry, didn’t mean to scare
Oh wait, no, I don’t really care
Because even you’re aware
How you’ve locked yourself in an echo room
And the moment someone tries to break through…
“Don’t worry, I can take it.”
And then you write something edgy like this
You can’t take advice for ****
Because that’s your ******* deal
You’ve got tonnes of people giving you the advice that you need to heal
And you ignore every single one of them
Acquaintances, friends, family
And what about me?
DO I REALLY NEED TO ******* YELL TO GET THROUGH TO YOU

But It’s pointless anyway
You’re on auto-pilot already
Just cut the act and write your cringy addendum poem
We’re done here

You need minds like me
I've bent over backwards to sculpt a vision of a human being
Some 3D model of a stained glass church window
I see that you've turned me into numbers
How thick and how tall?
How much time did I spend in the library?
But you missed the golden numbers
The ratio of the bones in my fingers which I have so carefully crafted for you
You overlooked the seventy hour work weeks (I was a first responder at a climbing site)
And I'm sure you failed to notice the pictures of my therapy dog on the website I built for you
I keep asking myself what went wrong
What about this wasn't good enough?
You.

i run home once again broken hearted
school was horrible as always
i get made fun of for my face
my arms my size having no chest
being too small
having too many questions
not being nice to anyone
now that one has me laughing
ever scince i came to this school
none of you were ever nice to me
what makes you think i would be nice to you

When you try and try
how can it be
life's not easy for me
When you give your all
still it's not enough
there always wanting more
can't they see
Ive got nothing else
**** my bones clean
If you want
there's nothing I can do
I've got nothing else to give
I try I try nothing is all
I'm coming up with
You can't know my pain
I live with it everyday
Wonder why this hell
won't give me a break
Can't it tell I'm doing my best
can't it just let me rest
I need a change
I'm begging for change
A little happiness
Why is it not for me
Why am I not worth
as much as this life
Where can I hide
Where can I find
a little peace
I work and can do
just about anything
I have a soul it is kind
my intentions are good
So how do I stop the bleeding
it's ripping me apart
I feel like jumping
I feel like not breathing
would then I find
at best a little rest ..
© Jennifer Delong 3/6/18

Shaded, faded, degraded
But i promise you my ending verse would be I MADE IT

Grated, rated, penetrated
Hope is with what all my pain I traded

Waited, bated, segregated
You trying, well so am I, therefore you won't see me retrograded

Pierced, teared, speared
Failing is something I never Feared

Cheated, bleed-ed, mistreated
No appreciations, no acknowledgements, little bit of understanding is all I needed

Raided, shredded, perforated
No matter how dark the tunnel gets, for them dreams I WILL MAKE MY OWN WAY

Alackaday, doomsday, mayday
I have felt them all that's what makes 'it' so special- MY PAYDAY

Bitten, smitten, mistaken
Words above define my ride, feel my rhyme and make the most of THE ROAD TAKEN..