I set this train a' rolling
down tracks with no stations
knowing a wreck inevitable
of this wild and ridiculous ride
wind in my hair taut expression
flesh stretched across a face
expecting the outcome

Happily, I'll wait with you in the station
For hours and hours
I know you feel stuck
Held back by promises
We could do something fun
Distract you long enough to forget about the pain, and
Secretly, I'll hope your bus never comes

Jared i’m understimulated
And without a hug
Without arms and legs
I can’t believe you left me
And your closest people
To you it was nothing
To us everything
The sky is grayer now
I see in tones of black
And white suns burn
In my eyes the image
Of you dying inside
Those lungs yearned
For something or someone
And your mother said
Your spirit wasn’t compatible
With your body or this life
I don’t know what to say
Or what to do without you
The whistle and happy hum
Of a train causes immense pain
It’s a shrieking scarlet ****** mess
And now the cold town cemetery
is where you rest
Forever
And ever
Jared
I miss you

i keep watching my head get blown off in living color
sitting on a bench in 42 degree weather and across the platform there’s me
head firmly attached to neck
neck firmly attached to shoulders
and a resounding boom.
the train rushes by and i’m gone and back on this side of the platform there’s me
head firmly attached to neck
neck fully attached to shoulders
and a ring building in my ears.
i keep watching my head get blown off in black white
in the middle of the night and under the covers
i am shaking
head attached to neck
and neck to shoulder but i am shaking because
i keep watching my head get blown off

I laid down my fears
and took up a new Spear
I took hold of a mind-set
that said I’m not done yet

I swallowed my bitter
and grabbed something better
not just mindful of me
more mindful of others

I stopped pushing away
started having my say
pushing on through
and I found a new way

When anxiety said ‘No’
I said 'What do you know?'
There’s much more outside
this comfortable zone

I’ve found a safe space
where I can relate
where I can be heard
where I am embraced

where I can be me
where I can be seen
to take up my place
in my chosen workspace

Open and Shut
Open and Shut

Shut

Binary yesterday

Re-set

Today

The network is pregnant again

Open and Shut
Open and Shut

Open

I was tired and seated next to the window.
Things passed away. Images of Albion.
Ironically I was approaching the Hawthorns
As I sat next to this window, half asleep.

In my right ear a melody played about
Some form of unrequited love.
I was hurting. She’d left recently.
And just like that I was in the jewellery quarter.

Things move so very quickly
Things come and go and never stay
Things are born and die and all we can do
Is watch and watch and watch and watch.

I was tired and sat next to the window
Feeling lost, half asleep and lonely.
In front of me, a woman read a self help book
And I wanted to scream to her

ITS NOT REAL, ITS NOT REAL.
THE ONLY THING THAT THING
HAS OR WILL GIVE YOU IS
A DEBT OF SEVEN NINTY NINE.

As I thought this,
I glimpsed someone pass through the aisle
A blonde in a beret, and she looked
Terribly sad. Like something had happened.

Suddenly, I was in the hawthorns
And she’d left the carriage.
I’ll never see her again.