I live in this fantasy world,
you see.
An imaginary time of lent,
in my total control.
One where instead of giving up sugar,
and sweets,
I am able to give up my emotions,
all of them.
I need to forget what it was like to
be happy.
I need to learn how to be angry with you,
not yearnful.
I need to psyche myself into believing...
this feelings ends.

If only for fourty days and fourty nights,
I'd give my love for you up in a heartbeat.

If only you were like my appendix,
then I could tear you out and somehow live.

But I'm left with you as a literal piece of my heart,
I bleed slowly everyday we aren't together.

It took only a few seconds to
f
a
l
l
in love with you.
____________
It took only a few seconds for us to be,

meyou

, side by side.  
____________
It took only a few seconds for you to
d
r
o
p
me from your life.
_____________
Why can't it take only a few seconds to pick
myself
mysel
myse
mys
my
m
up again?

You are so pretty when you
are sleeping.
So lovable when you
are not snoring.
So sweet when you
are not talking.
So soft when we
are touching.
You look so innocent
with your eyes closed.
When we lay in bed.
Is when I love you
the most.

what have you done to me.
i let you undress me with your eyes,
slowly and reassuringly.
and then aggressively with your hands,
undoing the buttons on my shirt
and unzipping my jeans
nearly ripping the fabric right from under me.

pulling me across the bed
breathing heavily into my ear,
i'm remembering why
i ever called you mine in the first place.
we decorated these walls with our fingerprints
and they remain as memories of every time we've touched.

now why you?
is it your scent, is it your skin?
the way the marks you leave on my stomach
feel like you every time i touch them?
its you that i want, its you that keeps me here
when i should be with whom i claim to love.

when you were mine,
it was a perfect dream,
we ran through the war with not a scratch
not a dent in our skin.
we got out of the mess,
accompanying each other through the storm.

I should have let you sit in the driveway,
I should have never let you walk through the front door.
Why couldn't you have left me alone in this room
without your taunting glares
begging for the affection i crave so much.

I swore i wouldn't do this.
I swore i wouldn't kiss your neck again,
i swore i wouldn't make you want me.

but I gave in.
so here you are
once again.
you're lying on my bed,
and i'm on top of you.

smiling though the lamps fade fast
smiling with white teeth against the night
to and fro they are dancing and
the dance is not wasted on us
white and silver marking your silhouette

touching though hands are pale
hums in rhythm to sad musicals or
distorted lullabies for grown ups
the necklace in your mouth is weeping
bleeding like my heart is now

dancing though the night's gone
the stars rock us away
he's rocking with his shirt undone
he's rocking quips and ego oh
it's a long way home from here

I am from a recovered city,
From ruble and nothing to save.
I am from a childhood under the stars
(Wondering, broken, it's hard like concrete.)
I am from middle city of Joplin
the disaster
whose cries I heard I remember as if my own.
Im from joy and happiness,
From laughter and love.
I'm from the Crabb family and the Crabby dad of mine,
From doubt and loneliness
I'm from a hole with a shovel and trying to find a way out.
I'm from worry and afraid, confused and scared,
From the rumors saying I can't do it
To the stomach saying I can.
Under my smiles and laughter was a cry for help,
A thought to go for my dreams.
I am from the ashes,
Facing my fears before I can't do it
Im rising from the ashes.