'Happier place' they call it
What is this place?
Is it pretty?
Or is it just a phase of life?

Happiness comes in waves they say
High tide or the low tide?
I do not understand this phrase
But I know it fades

Peace. What does that have to do with happiness?
They say happiness is peace
Okay then. I'll be calm.
Calmer, like the dead sea
And then will I be happy?

All these questions
But still a failure to understand happiness
Just quotes and sayings
And people calling their spaces happy

Where do I look?
But before, how do I measure?
Maybe I am happy
But dare I say I am not

Lunar lady,
You pull at my soul
Like the moon
Pulls at the ocean.

Lunar lady,
Your gravity whips
My calm seas
Into furious tides.

Lunar lady,
Your glowing form
Guides me towards
My home.

Lunar lady,
I need you.
Stay with me forever.
I hope the sun never rises.

I kept it in;
the words,
the pain,
the sea lapping against the **** walls
constantly urging to spill.

But I silenced the crashing waves,
muted my voice box
while it was hurting me.

I was internally raging and bleeding
but there were no bruises,
scars or lines for you to read.
Just a plastered smile on my face
while I was sulking internally.

I was choking on the words within me
Hoping my feelings would drown
Hoping that I would forget
But I never did.

They lived
ebbing and flowing through my veins
Making me feel Inhibited and limited
Till it broke open and rained down.

No one could see
Till the day tears started to roll down my cheeks
And that's when everything started
to come down as ashes
words and bullets.

The I.V. undulates momentarily with life before settling back into motionlessness, liquid still passing through smoothly, coolness flooding the vein.

Is that chill ever deep enough? The one I left with the last time my leg grazed the metal rests of a hospital bed.

Pain is limitless when the mind never rests, crisp white linen tucked thoughtfully around the outline of your sullen frame. Is it you? Or is it them? Who do you blame for the ache?

I remember years ago in a state like this, that I had wondered almost the same. However, back then I would've said, "surely it is you if I feel the sorrow." Now I think I may be to blame. I cradle my emotions like a colicky babe.

Once again a fool to a game that ceases to end, running in circles only to bite my own tail. The monitor hums.

Eyes grow heavy from the weight of obsession, mind on overload, sifting through piles of useless information and intense thought.

Wake up tomorrow to run another race, maybe we'll meet again one day. I'll see you at the finish line.

Your coming back to me over again,
           Slowly like the moon causes tides..
This will make the heavens rain,
           Shall I forget the world and confide..
Will we embrace each other's arcane,
          Will we spread our arms and  Hold on to  the light..
          Shattered souls do too find heaven,
In their beloved one's sight..