I train my throat,
To take the smoke
But not to make these lyrics dope
Though I'm here to stay as I hoped
I'll smoke ya spirits and hope you choke

I'm holding onto this rope
My hands are getting tired
So let me use my throat

my throat was rotted and dry,
as I urged for you to hear my cries,

as if make you hear me again,
as if to try and show you my smile again,

to smile and show you,
how everything will be alright,

wouldn't it be nice,
like the puzzle becoming complete finally.

but my voice cant speak these words,
and my lips and throat aren't moist enough,

to motion this smile we both truly need,
to speak these words to stop the cries,

as if to tell you its all going to be alright,
so we will part ways, drift, and fly away this night,

and with every exhale
stars spilled from her lips
and with every tear
clouds covered her eyes
and with every quiet word
oceans filled her throat

Have you ever stood outside
On a cold and windy day
And felt what the wind tastes like
As it moves along it's way ?

Have you tasted wind in summer
Hot and sticky in your throat
Have you tasted it while fishing
Standing on a sailing boat?

Have you tasted wind and liked it
Just before a summer storm
As it flows down past your gullet
Is it beautiful and warm ?

It is a simple gesture
Standing, tasting moving air
I don't think you'd really notice
Until it wasn't there

Esopheagal cancer
Stops the wind inside the throat
the simple act of tasting wind
Is now something in my note

Now, think of tasting wind again
Try tasting through a mask
You try but cannot taste it
It's not a simple task

Enjoy the feeling of the wind
Remember how it tastes
Different seasons, different textures
It's a feeling not to waste.

Part of me will never forgive myself
for not following through on the promise I made to you

But another part
knows that you wanted me too
Forced me to

Part of my brain was already on the way to the store
to get cupcake making supplies

when the other part of me,
remembered that you don’t have a sweet tooth

Unless the cupcake was laced with misery,
there was no way you would sink your teeth into it

I wonder why you had wanted confetti cake
when all you know is grey

I wonder if you were hoping that I could bake some color
back into your throat

so that your own voice
mattered to you again

I convince myself that things are better this way
but it is like wishing on a cake the day after your birthday

Forced and futile
though appreciating the sentiments.

I would have given you the universe baked deep
inside of the cupcakes that were my proof that I could be worthy