its distorted your brain
and now we're both insane
you're drowning in your whiskey
and i'm drowning in the pain
call me when you're sober
baby text me when it's over
the high says that you love me
i'm in constant discomposure

i know it sounds crazy how I could
drop something I loved
so fast.
it made me happy
at one point in my life,
but it soon turned around.
I cried, and compared.  
all it turned out to be was just fun
for a period of time.

My fingers were trying to text you
Trying to get ahold of your voice again
Gripping, with the comfort of holding something familiar in my hands
Something my ears could float in
Cause your voice always made me feel like I was under water
But I knew if I slept there too long I would drown
My fingers were gripping the keys
Your name, a recipient
of something I knew I'd regret
But I was sure you'd be disappointed
So
I wrote a poem instead

These punchlines unraveled on an Autumn morning.
My breath and my tension devoured the edges
of yellowed and dog-eared, trusted old pages.
This map's projections embracing me now.
Holding so tight. Pinned me down to the ground
described on the pages regurgitated.
                    Pin me tight to this town.
A flightless bird--I'm a rooster
                     bolted to your roofing;
follow each wind, but I'm never moving.
My phone woke me up on a cold Winter morning.
My uncle had died and they cancelled my flight.
It was only just me that missed out on his funeral.
And it's only just me singing "Midsummer Classic"
alone in this quiet and darkened apartment
                    "...Blue & Gold /
                    our city casts its shadow..." (Sundowner)
No albatross I, but a bird without flight all the same.

Now that I'm alone
I try to find people to talk to
go through my contacts
and my eyes fell on your name.
I have not spoken a word to you
in about four years
but on text, it's been sixteen months.
It felt weird to consider talking to you.
My first choice, always, but now
a choice I can't choose.

Those three little beads going up and down
...
Seeming to go slower
...
Until all together they are gone
...
..
.

I'm a selfdestructive mess
The only person
who I honestly hate
is myself

I want to crack the mirror
when I see
this green-eyed girl,
who looks back at me

I'm not her,
She ain't me
This is a fact on which
we both agree

'Cause I'm not sure on
who I am
I only know
That I'm no man

The only thing,
which I know about myself
Is what kind of music
that can make me
Smile
when I want to cry
and live
when I want to die

It cheers me up
when I feel down
It lends me a hand
when I hit the ground
But sometimes not even music
is enough
to cheer this selfdestructive mess
up

Don't worry
I'm not cutting myself
Instead I write on my body
with a pen
Lyrics from the song
which my phone play
heh, today it was the text from
Castaway by Green Day.

What are you up to?
Are you looking at the sky, too?
Am I on your mind?

I've become dependent on your
                     Goodnight text
Why is it that I can't rest until you allow me
            Ironically enough my heart
         Wont rest if you ever leave me
I wonder what will happen if I leave you......