Fear of them, I fear them,
No not men, just the idea of them,
Actually no, the idea I quite like;
It’s the non-real reality that scares me,
Terrorises me just a little if I stop to think.
No it’s not men, it’s just people.
Maybe it’s all just my social anxiety,
Talking to me again in a slightly different way,
I mean, I know anxiety can change but it doesn’t, not for me:
I know me,
I just don’t know what I’m scared of really.

I can’t believe I dare to write this,
Go away Chloe, just shut yourself up inside again,
Then you won’t have to think about anyone.
Well that’s a lie, I think about people all of the time;
The people I could have, the people I won’t, people I wish existed but I sadly know never will
(I convince myself they will anyway),
And when they’re not real, I’m not afraid -
Because I’m not afraid,
I started this all up as a game.
Did someone ever tell you, you should never read lists of phobias you know you don’t have?
Well I’m telling you, don’t. You might get some.

But do you ever daydream of your perfect soul mate?
Because then I think of guys, like: real guys that actually do exist
And then I’m just like no, no I’ll stay away,
Not today, not tomorrow, I’m not ready.
Then I realise I’ll never be ready.
I’ve noted the slow progression of “could you really be scared of that Chloe? Sounds pretty stupid.”
So I’m like no, no I can’t be,
And then I get these little feelings sometimes,
Which makes me kind of go, “really are you?”
But I’m not because:
That wouldn’t make sense
And
People who know nothing on the internet say that’s sexist without knowing what they mean.
If someone actually had a phobia of the opposite *** or gender it wouldn’t be their fault, because it’s a ****** phobia.

I don’t have phobias though, not one.
Maybe social anxiety, maybe another one, maybe I’m getting one more,
But really I must just be exaggerating.
I know it’s not a phobia - that’s not what I’m claiming,
But when I imagine having a reality where...
Well it just kind of scares me.

You’re terrified of me.

I am the hollow beat in your heart, the empty space under your bed.

I am the brief pause between your songs, the uncertainty before the fall.

You’re terrified of me.

I am the calm before the storm, the second before the timer stops.

I am the inevitable end, the struggle of your last breath.

You're terrified of me.

I am the call for help that never came, the hand that never caught you.

You're terrified of me.

Yet you stand there defiant, shaking.

Yet you come with open arms and tears that would fill oceans.

You're terrified of me.

Yet you still fight.

I guess you're not as terrified of me as you think.

I finally know why I always have a plan-B,

It's because I'm really terrified Plan-A will fail.

It sounds like someone
Is knocking on my window
If there is anyone there
Please go away

A little boy of shadow
Sitting in carnations
Terrified
Of God’s creations.
A little boy,
Lost and to never be found
Never knew
The voices could be so loud.
The voices that say
“If you stood, the world could be ours.”
But he prefers wishing on stars.
Because his legs are beaten and bruised
And he cannot walk.
But he wishes for someone to help him stand.
And doesn’t make him talk
About the things he wants to say
The things he wants to keep away
For someone who will always stay.

Is all I need
Just to prove to my terrified mind
That You're still there
Please, I'm begging You
I'm so lost, confused, tired
I can't go on without You
I just need to feel
Your touch
Just enough to remind me
What I'm even still doing here
Because this place,
It's so full of death,
And it's reaching out to me
I hear it's seductive voice
Calling me to join
I want to do it
I really do
I'm so scared
I can't do this alone
I NEED YOU
PLEASE
You're all I have