this is what i've become
sleepless
time has no meaning for me anymore
not enough hours in the day
and it's all your fault
you started the chain reaction
i am lucky to have a night without dreams
i blame you for my scarred soul
that would flicker like a candle in a breeze
in the wake of another bad dream

nightmares
stemming from my broken heart
i am terrified to sleep
i want you to wake up crying like me
just to understand what you did to me
i'd like to see you do it
get your heart obliterated
eviscerated
but you've spread so many false feelings
i doubt that you have a heart to obliterate

that's all changing now
one single message
that's all it takes for me to smile
for the particles of my heart to solidify
and beat faster once more
that one single message
full of care, and true worry
for my sanity
for the darkening circles under my eyes
for me
i'm not so scared to sleep anymore

he rubs my knee while I snore
wakes me when i whimper or cry
his fingers drawing circles on my palm
make goosebumps explode over my skin
for once, i have pleasant dreams
hardly appropriate considering how
his kisses take me to another plane
those brown eyes make me weak
he's more than you could ever be
a gentleman
someone i can trust with my heart
and with my dreams

he's willing to wait for me
keep me safe
make me smile
i can't remember the last time I felt
anything
let alone comfort from a boy's hug
i could sleep right there
on his shoulder
without a single care

but then

the odd night comes around
i finally get to sleep at a time
that's considered reasonable
you creep back into my dreams
to rip my heart out all over again
except
this time, i imagine him there
warm arms circle my waist
cold hands hold mine
my dreams melt away as my eyes focus
the dark makes it hard but
white eyelashes flutter on his face
as he tugs me closer
and smiles to himself
when i curl into him and close my eyes.

your body is my compass,
and its leading me down a fragmented path,
but i dont care because its everything ive ever required.
i follow your map to places ive never seen before
and its horrifying
all this reliance i waste on you,
because you dont care where you are taking me,
and you never really cared.