I tried really hard to be mad at you and blame you for the way we panned out. I did. But then I realized that you were ******* beautiful and honestly one of the greatest lessons. I don't need you and I never really needed you, I wanted you. I spent so much time breathing for you and trying to figure out why you couldn't love me but I know you did and that's why we weren't gonna work. You can never invest yourself into someone when you are dead. I'm dead and you are dead and we never had a chance to heal. You just need a chance to heal. Maybe love will never be your thing and maybe it's not real at all. Love has no definition and love can't just be spoken and it can't be acted and its not a real emotion let alone an essence. I enjoyed being with you, like physically around you and that was love when we were together. Outside of our bubble when we were home sitting on our phones writing about each other or just pretty much anything that was completely different. And maybe we weren't meant to actually be together but we were meant to teach each other. So yes. I understand now that you aren't healed and you have every right to want to be your own instead of being claimed as someone's. "You're mine" is a statement that can be so scary when everyone you ever let call you theirs completely ****** you over and left you thinking that everything ends badly so why begin it. So I get it and I thank you for giving me a chance to be vulnerable and let my walls down for once.

Pull off my wings
Then teach me to fly
Show me how its done
And maybe i wont die

Like fly into a wall
Or smear my face in a grill
Just show me the way
So i can swallow this pill

You always know my misconceptions
and how my logic is flawed
I hate how your right
To show me i am a constructive fraud

I know i can learn
Only if i take heed
So my teacher my ears are open
My mind is ready to be freed

In then out.
Flashes.
Here then no more.
Mankind witnessed through my glass window.
Opportunity to breed relationship,
Gone forever.
Who are they?
What do they know?
What could they teach me?
How much could love them?
Though as our non-existent bond is severed,
Never to be given that chance returned,
So then God takes over.
Watching.
Protecting.
Guiding.
Comforting.
But then aren't we sometimes that stranger
Seen through someone's window glass?

Come in, come in my friends,
Let us talk of gods and men.
But I must warn:
I ride the dragon Confucius cannot tame.
We soar on winds the Buddha cannot calm.
I frolic free on Jesus’ throne;
Secured in stone of my Olympus home,
Whose whence and why I can not know.

So come in, come in my friends
Let us talk of gods and men.*
If you come to teach and learn,
Come in, come in.
Let us share our common yearn.

Else go away so as not to waste my time with God.

                                                           ­             August, 2011

I want my body to be post-morden art
I want my actions to be guerilla theatre
I want all my words to be poerty
I want my reality to be surreal

I want my mouth to be a ampilfer for my heart.
I want to be a teacher
I want the world to know every part of me
I want you to know how i feel.

People say, "Towela? Wisdom beyond her years!"
I say, "Experience far beyond my years. I just chose to turn bad experiences into lessons to teach others."

I'll teach you
If you teach me
I'll move
If you dance with me
On my way to love
But will it meet me .