its been 2 years, I grew so much but I still carry the same fears
the fears that you kissed, your hand I still miss
I always have the memories but even those start to slip
it's all the ****, it's all the daydreams
my days start to bleed, I need a trip
I need to escape, I need a bridge to get across these violent waters
my emotions are stronger the longer they harbour
I return to that day in your car where the rain fell so hard
could barely hear rain on me on the radio
I think of you no matter where I go
I see you with your boo in Turks and Caicos
I see you living it up and not day goes
by where you don't
cross my mind, got myself in so much trouble in the pursuit to find
someone that shares your light, someone that takes their time, someone who is actually worth my time
you just wished me a happy birthday and I wish the convo never ended
I feel without you I am suspended
not able to move, not able to do anything but cry
as I watch the only good man I’ve ever met thrive
I wish I could say you were ****, I wish you hurt me harder
maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck like this, loved me better than my father
maybe I was just a pitstop til you found your forever
maybe I was destined to find better
but on these cold march nights, it's hard to keep that in mind
but on these cold march nights, I just want you in my sight
drown in your light, love you as you deserve
maybe that's what it boils down to
never met someone who
was worthy of my love, worthy of my touch

.
Dust hangs in the still air,
caught by a shaft of light,
shiny sprinkles float serene,
in space a string-less kite.

A particle catches the eye,
playing tai-chi within a ray,
the stationary free dance
of a mote at indulgent play.



© Pagan Paul (25/12/18)

I have a heart
That in my chest
Beats like a madman
’Gainst the bars
Of the gaol cell
That keeps it
Like a bird encaged
From its mate

I wear a heart
Right on my sleeve
That beats towards you
Like a bird
That’s driven south
When winter calls
And knows no
Other destination