I ****
I'm not bad enough
I'm not nice enough
I'm not cute enough
I'm not rugged enough
I'm not smart enough
I'm not average enough
I'm not talkative enough
I'm not quiet enough
I'm just a soul in a vessel
I'll never find my mate
I ****

The lifesaver,




The lifeline,



The same




***** the life
now!

I miss how it was
When we were so in love
The things we use to do
But now I feel nothing without you
My face is emotionless when I walk
My throats sore from screaming, can barley talk
I shiver whenever I hear your name
It's like a curse word I hear everyday
From our friends
Again and again
It makes me sick to my stomach
Because you don't care, probably even love it
How powerful this must make you feel
Knowing you hurt me deep, how it felt so real
I can't stop the sadness
I can't shake it off, it's madness
I just want to curl up into a ball
How do you make me feel so ******* small

Painlessly, you squeeze my drying heart
To expunge words you put in me
I'm almost dry
This time
When I'm
A ******* desert I'll
Soak, **** syllables inside
If once more I pin your fragile arm to wall
This time
We'll know manipulation
is in my nature

I do not want to feel
but I need it in order to heal
the days seems shorter and my nights longer I search for truth and peace within the world yet I never find it I'm met with lies and pain that causes me to grow colder a bed of tears is all I know and what keeps me comfort I sometimes drown in my own sorrow and scream for help while dying but no one ever seems to hear me...

Rainclouds form,
in a grey skied mind,
pouring down,
is so unkind,
crystal ball tears,
& lightning fears,
emotionally you're mind reading,
indigo ink is quickly bleeding,
your touch you know I'm needing,

a premonition was imprinted,
on your darkened heart,
& doomed us right,
from the start,

I crash to the ground
in a deafening sound,
thunderstruck,
endings ****
& so does luck,

I'm ripped apart at the seams,
shattering my broken dreams,
of ever finding the way,
to your sea,
& ever hoping my heart,
will finally be free.

Cherie Nolan © 2016

Tired living like a blind man.
Because it was hurtful,
Cannot seeing thing,
Doesn't mean,
cut by knife,
wouldn't hurt.

They robbed us!  

The one’s that told us what it means to be men…

THEY LIED!!!  

They told us feeling is wrong.
And they taught us to be STRONG is to be silent.

"Build a pit," they said, "make it so deep that a lifetime of emotion can’t fill it."  
And we oblige.  
But we know it’s there…
The stench keeps us up at night.  
The fetid fumes cloud our vision;
The windows to our souls opaque to the outside world and those we Love, those we want to reveal ourselves to.  

Meanwhile, inside, we’re clawing at the glass with bloodied hands.  

                                       GOD HELP ME!!!
                                                                ­I want to be free of this!!

See me!  
                                               I’m a human being!  

I have hopes,
         I have dreams,
                I have fears,
I feel sorrow, I know regret, and I believe in redemption…
but all of this...
It's for someone else… someone weak.  

What a lie!
So delicious we swallowed it whole—a bitter pill dipped in honey
Given us by those we love,
                                    by those we trust.  

The poison works through us,
                                         unrelenting,
T w i s t i n g us, turning us against one another…

No emotions!  
Not here!!  
You’re a man!!  
Be a man!!
**** it up!!!
          **** it up until it chokes you!!!
                   **** it up until you can’t feel anymore!!
                             **** it up until you’re dry and broken!!
                                       **** it up until you forget...
What life was and what death is…
              
                               **** it up because that’s what men do.

They corrupted our legacy
They stole our future.  
And we let them do it.  
We helped them do it.