I'm trapped and enclosed.

Buried under paranoia.

I fear he will leave.

Replaced by Chanel perfume and deception, cat like eyes and caramelized extensions.

Drowning under mental images I've created. Mentions being spoken.

Inevitable feelings I try to avoid, but I can not.

Her existence makes me melt, even though we have never met.

My thoughts are too much to bare.

I despise this naked evil.

I’m high then suddenly low
I wish to die before I grow old
Not wanting to burden the ones around me
Rather be sad and forever lonely
If that’s the case
I’m a waste of space
The constant disappointment in my mothers eyes
The slips of blatant lies  
Depressed feelings is what I’ve kept
I’m destroying myself until there’s nothing left
My stomach stays in knots
I’m a movie without a plot
I’m the tree without the branches
Was never gifted second chances
Made promises I was forced to keep
I’m only alive when I’m asleep
So these are my last words ever to be said
The secrets I place inside my head

I’m broken up about my thoughts never being spoken  

I hold onto those words, my eyes have barely opened

My thoughts are consumed of memorizes we use to share

But now I must strip them off, I’m bare

In the shower I let the scalding water, drop by drop run down my skin

Afraid that I made a mistake by letting you back in

I have bruises, tenderness surrounding my heart

I’m having cold feet, I should have known from the start

That you would create this electric shock passing through my veins

I feel as if we will never really be the same

I scrub off the smell of your cologne from my pours

Just the feeling of your plump lips leaves me sore

I try to wash off the feeling of your finger tips from my scalp with shampoo

But this routine will inevitably bring me back to you

Because I love your touch, your lips, your smell

But that’s a secret I’ll keep from you, will never tell

I’ll count the days until I’m back under your blue satin sheets

But for now I’m left with the mental pictures I keep

I'm not sure when exactly I fell in love with you.

But I remember those last words you spoke that crushed my soul.

Tell me I'm the funniest girl you've met
Tell me I'm creative 
-Tell me I'm not the as smart as you
Tell me you want to kiss me
Tell me we'll be together 
-Tell me you want this to be low-key 
Tell me about school 
Tell me about all your new friends 
-Tell me how you never mention me 
Tell me that I give great head 
Tell me I'm the only girl you talk to 
-Tell me about the text from your ex 
Tell me how special I am 
Tell me you love my voice 
-Tell me to shut up 
Tell me I'm beautiful 
Tell me to never change 
-Tell me why we can't take pictures together 
Tell me you love me
Tell me I make you happy  
-Tell me why you won't text me back 
Tell me I don't need to get any smaller 
Tell me you'll love my body no matter what
-Tell me my ribs pop out too much 
Tell me I need to take care of myself 
Tell me you're not jealous 
-Tell each other it's over
Tell me you miss me 
Tell me you want to see each other again
-Tell me why use me for *** 
Tell me let's hang out 
Tell me you want to meet my friends 
-Tell me why you came two hours away  just to **** 
Tell me why I can't let you go 
Tell me why I loved you so much
-Tell me what you think happened

I don't know what you see in "her"
You ask me to come over at 1 am
I go cause it feels familiar
But every time it ends
I say I'm never coming back again
Now it feels wrong
You say, "it's okay"
But I'm slowly becoming a ticking time bomb
And I really don't want to stay
Too many lies, and I cry
Cause with you I feel numb
I've never felt so dumb
In your arms
While there's alarms
Ringing in my head
Reminding me that I should leave instead
But I wait and wait till I'm kicked out
And theres something I hate about you without a doubt
So why do I keep doing this to myself
While you're out I'm avoiding everyone else
I don't understand anything anymore
I'm always left hurt mentally, emotionally, and physically sore
Maybe I'll know
When I finally have the courage to let you go

I hate what I have become
Someone incapable of love
Never long lasting
I've been emotionally fasting
You've changed who I was
I will never be the same because
Of you....I'm no longer that hopeless romantic
I'm now that girl who wish she never had it
Being in love was a myth
All those months proved it
With all your lies
Now my heart is lower in size
It's hard to trust new people I meet
Because there is nothing I can do but keep
Remembering everything you put me through
Now I can't move onto something new
As I stare into space, standing quietly and still
I don't think anyone can save me or ever will