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Al Apr 2017
1:46 am
You wake up and roll over in bed
I ask you to light me a cigarette
but I fall back asleep before you can hand it to me

5:00 am
My alarm clock goes off
the ring is a recording of you screaming that we thought was hilarious
I pull on yesterday's pants and your hoodie
You kiss my wrist before I leave

5:30 am
I get back into bed before my mom realizes I was gone
Curl up in my own bed and go back to sleep

7:53 am
I'm already 2 minutes late for my first hour class
I take my medication before I leave
I kick myself for not taking the cigarette at 1:46 am

10:59 am
You text me three times during my math class,
the teacher hates me for it
"Guess what."
"I brought you sandwiches from your favorite restaurant in town."
I love that you end every text with a period

11:20 am
You also brought me a *** brownie

12:30 pm
The brownie kicks in
I can't focus on the documentary about gentrification in India
All I can think about is how your hair looked like ****
I go to the bathroom so I can call you and tell you
You call me an *******
I almost tell you I love you before I hang up
But I bite my tongue

1:04 pm
I walk right out of my sixth hour class
in the middle of a lecture
Because everyone's acting like the fact that Rodion is mentally ill
somehow discredits his theories
And I know you read "Crime and Punishment" last year
and I want to know if you're an extraordinary man

1:22 pm
You get your sober friend Ryan to drive us to the theater
for a 2:10 showing of boss baby
you sit in the back seat with me
my eyes are glued to the way your fingers dance with the cigarette
I think you're the most beautiful person in the world
I think that I love you

1:25 pm
I think that the last person I thought those things about
convinced me I wasn't worth love.
And showed me just how cruel love can be
I don't know if I trust you
if I'm being honest.

2:04 pm
You buy me popcorn
and I buy your movie ticket
Somebody calls us ******* when we kiss in the lobby
Neither of us notice until Ryan points it out later

3:48 pm
Boss Baby's over
Neither of us notice because we're kissing
The theater is empty except for me, you, Ryan, and the employee
Ryan tells us we're gay

3:50 pm
By the time we get outside
We're yelling at each other
I'm telling you to stop talking **** about my friends
You're telling me to stop letting people push me around
I'm screaming a paragraph of information you should know
when you interrupt me with a kiss
It only makes me angrier
Are you stupid?
This isn't a ******* romcom, Pete.

4:00 pm
We don't talk the rest of the car ride home
But we pass a cigarette between the two of us
and it's like we made up

5:13 pm
My friend Andrew picks me up
His car smells like ****
I don't say goodbye to you before I go
but I leave a lighter by your car keys
because I know you'll forget one if I don't.

5:57 pm
Andrew keeps picking up more and more people
He says we're "pre-gaming" for the party tonight
He lets me borrow hair product and cologne
Not so I can impress you, of course
Just so I can look good

6:00 pm
I suddenly realize
that out of 6 people in this car
I'm the only one with a ******
I ask to go to the party early

7:14 pm
I send you a text
"I'm here, motherbitch"
Bring me a hoodie. It's cold."
I almost tag "I love you" on the end
but I settle for
"P.S. you're gross and smell bad."

7:16 pm
You respond
"I'm bringing the blue one."
"Hope it'll cover up that ugly shirt you were wearing earlier."
We both know that it's your shirt
"P.S. you have weird leg hair."
"P.P.S. I think the Boss Baby qualifies as an extraordinary man, by Rodion's definition. He seems above the law. I dunno though. Think on it."
Sometimes I think you're a genius

8:37 pm
You're over an hour late
I'm cold
I yell at you the minute you step out of your car
You yell at me for being so selfish
I tell you to never say that about me again
You know that that's a touchy subject

9:22 pm
We haven't spoken since we got in that fight.
I've been drinking a little more than I should

10:10 pm
I gave one of your exes a lap dance
I wink at you over his shoulder
I want all of your attention,
your eyes glued to me.
I want you to forget the rest of the room exists

10:44 pm
I throw up in the bushes by your car
It's unlocked, so I lay down inside
I think about the look in your eyes,
half anger, half adoration.
I think about how I want to tell you that I love you.
I think about how the last person I said that to convinced me
that I don't deserve love.
I think that maybe she had a point.

12:16 am
I don't know when I fell asleep
but when I woke up,
you were sitting in the car next to me.
You aren't smoking, but you're playing with a match.
I think you look beautiful in this light,
just the flame from the match
and the odd shadows that come from inside the house.
You tell me we need to talk.
I tell you to grow a pair and talk to me when we're sober.
You remind me that we're rarely sober at the same time.

12:18 am
I tell you that I'm sorry I'm so mean to you.
You say you know that I don't mean it.
I tell you that I don't want to be another her.
I don't want to treat you the way my ex treated me
because you deserve better than that.
I tell you that you deserve better than me.
You give me an odd look but don't say anything.
I realize that your eyes aren't bloodshot.

12:31 am
I ask you to drive me to the high school
because I realize that I left my car there
earlier today when I decided to cut class.
As you drive
I realize that you never fixed your hair.
I realize that everything about you is messy
and that the bags under your eyes are just getting worse.
I also realize that I think you're the most beautiful person in the world.

12:40 am
When we got to the high school we didn't talk for awhile.
I didn't get out of the car.
You didn't ask me.
We don't look at each other for awhile
but our fingers keep brushing against each other.
I was supposed to be home 40 minutes ago.

12:41 am
You look at me and I realize what you're gonna say.
I can see it in your eyes.
"Al, I just want you to know..."
I know what happens next.
You're going to say that you love me
that you think I'm beautiful
that I'm your best friend
that you want to spend all your free time with me
that you think maybe you'd wanna marry me someday?
Ryan told me you've been telling him these things lately.
I look you in the eyes, trying to stop myself from crying.
"Seriously? Grow the **** up, Pete." I snap.
You don't say it.

12:42 am
I wish I was a better person.
I wish we'd met before she ****** me up.
I wish I could tell you I love you.
I wish you would stop laughing.

12:43 am
You kiss the inside of my wrist,
and I want to smack you but I don't.
Just before I leave your car,
I grow the **** up and look you in the eyes.
"I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
You look shocked that I said something like that.
I know that you're an extraordinary man.

1:46 am
We're still in the high school parking lot.
I've given up on going home.
I haven't stopped apologizing for every ****** thing I've ever done.
You haven't stopped kissing each of my burnt fingertips in turn.
I ask you to light me a cigarette
but I fall asleep before you can hand it to me.
You're gross and I hate you.
Zero Nine Apr 2017
When you get pretty **** high (PDH),
just remember to keep the stove top
dial at 8, just below 8, to keep the oil
of your choice from overheating and
popping into your face. Turn on the
overhead fan and open the nearest
window to ensure ventilation for your
fire detector. Don't be a cigarette and
don't ignite bushes if you can help it.
Remember this when you get PDH:
You're more than a face but you'll get
lost in that possibility for hours if you
forget that your face is such an integral
part of your translation of you to world.
So be with the world. Don't get lost on
your way to and from. Women grab
your ******. Men grab your *****. We're
having a fun time, such a fun time,
yet not really feeling fun. Remember,
meet under streetlight right outside
your room, 12:01. You want the world?
It's apparent. Smoke another bowl why
don't you, it's all over your clothes. You
want the world, don't you? Why don't
you meet me one past midnight, local?
Sell your soul to a red devil for endless
wealth? No. The the the most importa
nt pp aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart
to remem member is that Lucifer loves
you. He is a gentleman, be not afraid.
For you he trades the wealth for free.
Zero Nine Apr 2017
I devour poison, love is another chunk of curdled milk in the fridge behind the wilted greens. We never eat them. There are pounds and miles of beans, I'm sure, rotting, stuck in the drain into our kitchen.
What we have, our entire foundation, is filth from the days we wish we'd rather not recall or speak, but are cursed, jinxed, sharing seas of sorrow, sharing a bed in the open.
Were I not so fixated on macabre thoughts and photographs, were I not so jaded by what I've had, I'd respect the grace incoming in unfamiliar forms.
I devour poison, and you poison of your own. We share this sickness, starstruck with each others' bile and refuse. Eating disease.
Zero Nine Apr 2017
Painlessly, you squeeze my drying heart
To expunge words you put in me
I'm almost dry
This time
When I'm
A ******* desert I'll
Soak, **** syllables inside
If once more I pin your fragile arm to wall
This time
We'll know manipulation
is in my nature
Zero Nine Apr 2017
My mouth tastes like fireworks
Grown with love
Enjoyed with care
Blitz blaze ignite a truth
Obviously there
Watch smoke go drifting
You, too, reach to the sky
No less a person than the news
Under the influence
Under all things
Matchsticks, boxes, food makes
Mountains in our kitchen
Rot smell, cancerous, foul
Presence in our home
Under the mountain
Insect in flesh
I'm nothing more,
Am I, than under the influence?
It's true. Which celebrities locally
Represent you? Senate, what? Political duress.
Kaitlin Olson, say something poignant
Or in dark we die, speak well, or we'll be Jersey soon
Save me with your confirmed link to God,
Illuminati confirmed
Zero Nine Apr 2017
Hit too hot hit too hot
Now my throat burns
Watching Workaholics
I'd say Blake is my favorite
His hair is cute I like his face
Wild red hair creating umbrella space
Flick the engraved Zippo the gift from wifey
Blunt in the bowl smoking
Spent ten on a three
My other lover might sit with us soon
Three in a room sharing hands
Possibly kisses, massive attack
Playing mezzanine we'll either touch
Each others' skin or carry conversation
As it turns out I've found peace with
Either outcome or any other potentiality
While it's pleasing to be receiving I'll be
Lying if I tell you I don't appreciate the fine
Details in simply spoken word between us
Zero Nine Apr 2017
Do we ****
My lungs hurt
Will take my
Short life
I'll be a ghost
Sit outside
No longer choke
Zero Nine Apr 2017
You caught my gaze
from across the room
The way your phone
cuts your face
with a light
You're beautiful

Would I ever leave you?
No. I could not quiet
the gray ghosts
that would haunt me.
Would I ever leave you?
Oh, would I consign my
soul into a
deathless state?
I would not.
The only gentle sound is shared.
Zero Nine Mar 2017
Cis boys want their girls
Not after women
Cis boys don't want
what is powerful
or any parts unclear
No baby rooms
No dreams of family
Years ago we'd still
suffer shock or worse
They want an easy time
When they can't they
turn to rage in fear
and blatant rejection
So let's play with
ourselves where
the energy is shared
and not rejected
He came into my home
Drop the *** bomb
Anything disliked is
******* gay
Well, what's in a word?
I'm sorry if you got
hurt with no meant
offense, but I claim
no accountability
I'm too sensitive,
made of glass, well
what's the point when
I'm such a ***
You blankly state
your blanket apathy
You bid whoever
do what they will do
Yet I recall you say,
that on the MAX train
you almost busted the
clavicle of a man who
flirted with you.
Cis boys want their world pre divined
and written
Cis boys reject unkindly, become livid
in response
to challenge

— The End —