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Summer Dec 2015
my heart is getting fat on your love.
it is keeping me full.
i have forgotten what it feels like,
to be starving.
to be hungry.
when you smile at me,
my heart gets more fat fat fat,
And my smile gets more wide wide wide.
you tell me beautiful things,
and my heart grows about six sizes,
and so does yours when i tell you them back.
my heart feels as if it is going to burst out of my chest.
maybe even swallow me whole,
until I am a big fat walking heart.
at this point
it seems like a very lovely idea.
but then,
you tell me,
my poems are pathetic
and cliche.
my heart shrinks abound two sizes.
but when I see your **** green eyes it grows four.
my heart is constantly growing thin thin thin and then fat fat fat
while yours seems to be doing the same.
when my heart grows thin
it brings my whole body pain,
it makes me feel like all of me is shrinking.
my heart has been more than full for so long
and now I am remembering
how much it hurt to have hunger.
to be starving.
to have empty space near my chest.
although there is more room for my ribcage,
i still cry at night for the spaces not filled by you.
when my heart grows fat again,
i forget about the empty spaces,
i am only focused on
how much of me has become filled again.
become focused on being
a big fat walking heart.
love consumes me.
at those times,
i think that it makes up all of me.
when my heart is fat fat fat.
if I had spent more time alone,
hungry.
thin .
starving.
i may have known the difference
between loving you
and thinking
i needed you to survive.
Torin Nov 2015
After things have been herded
We can be nourished
And if the line changes
We can return

Food is important to all people
We can feed them
There is not any excuse
Not to achieve it

Because I can't let you starve
You can't let me starve

After the crops are gathered
We can be nourished
the changing lines
Show determination

Food is important to all people
It gives us strength
But only the strong of heart
Can feed others

Well, I can't let you starve
And you won't let me starve

Food is important to all people
And after we eat
We celebrate
When it comes to love, we eat or we starve
B P Nov 2015
How could she do that to herself.
her collarbones almost popping out of her skin
because she is a skeleton already
her ribcage a tally of the meals she has skipped
one, two, three, four, too many to count
her hipbones protrude like shards of glass
shattered like her self esteem
thighs that no longer touch
calves miles apart
gaps on her body
gaps between meals

her head is a mixed up land
with broken mirrors all around
her friend ana reflected in the shards
she is so familiar with these eating habits they have a name
ana ana ana ana ana
runs through her brain
the calorie counter in her head runs
is an apple worth it anymore?
skip dinner
wake up thinner
pretty girls do not eat.

her body is brittle
she looks like she could break with a touch
but she is already broken inside
the fight is over
she knows it too
she is fading away.

how could i do this to myself.
trigger warning.
Hanna Kelley Nov 2015
There is something I should tell you
Something you may know
You see, I have this problem
It formed a long time ago
It started when I was 10
A little chubby, a little reserved
I was a victim and a target
I got what I never deserved
With the few friends I had
We started growing apart
For little did they know
I needed a new start
I was done with the torture
The rejection, so I changed
If only I could have seen
This idea was deranged
I starved myself of the food
That caused me so much pain
Little did I know
That things would not change
They still looked at me the same
As a helpless little toy
That they loved to play with
That they had to destroy
Hidding in a skeleton
Was the mess that was made
I lost all hope
I could not be saved
My worst fear was people
For they caused me so much doubt
That I felt the urge to leave
I had to get out
I don't want to grow up anymore
I never expected it to turn out like this
Why does everyone want to hurt me?
Is this what living is?
So many times I have tried
To be more optimistic
But everywhere I go
The people are horrific
He used her, he got me
He cheated and lied
He is in jail
For things he couldn't hide
She hurt me, she was fake
Once she was my only friend
Now she's gone and
Our friendship has met its end
I loved him, he didn't love me
I guess I should have known
His heart belongs to her
And he has her own
Eating makes me sick
I don't get very much sleep
I can't take this any longer
I have fallen way to steep
"I can't drowned my demons
They know how to swim"
My demons are the people
And I have let them win
This problem I am talking about
Not many can suggest
But since I was the age of 10
I have felt depressed
Sorry this is so long, it is a lot to explain
AnnSura Moon Oct 2015
The playground of the tragedy and comedy echoes through the mind of the preternatural ones,
bound for time to certain roles and certain lies
but Devil or Angel which ?
And the mask goes deeper.
The storm comes with her starving glory.
And neither man nor creature shall know the difference of the dark and the light,
the crimson in our frail reflection, takes us all but who will wear the mask ?
celey Jul 2015
she furiously scribbles down on her tiny notebook
that she keeps hidden

trying with all her might to ****
and continue starving herself

because apparently pretty hurts
Hanna Kelley Feb 2015
You may not want me here
But I am here to stay
I can help you ****
Those pounds you wish away

To improve your image
And help you feel delight
To stare into your reflection
And love the beautiful sight

We'll start with just a pound
Or maybe even more
Just walk into your bathroom
And behind you shut the door

It's okay darling
Not losing weight yet?
Alright, we'll cut some meals
No need to be upset

Your shedding weight pound for pound
But still you are not pleased
Your own reflection mocks you
And in public you are teased

Even now as you look in the mirror
You still want to lose it all
Down to 60 pounds
And all of your teardrops fall

You still felt worthless,
Not good enough
And life around you
Was getting too tough

You were killing yourself
And you just wanted it to end
You still wanted more
Of what I recommend

And now your dead
Because you were a little overweight
And you never believed your friends
When they told you "you look great"
alienobserver May 2015
I'm eating until I feel whole again
The joy of being unconscious
Has jumped right out of my chest
And it hurts like I've dreamt of falling
And the space you had once occupied
In my heart became flowers
You could have been the first wave
The salt that burns the skin
The grains of sand hurting my face
I miss the sun in the mornings
And the warmth of the touches
And who am I trying to fool?
I haven't been eating for days
I became my own meals
Yet I starve for the stars and the universe
For the green in the grass and the blue
In the twilights
I starve for you
Attempting to write the void away :)
Michaela Ferris May 2015
I may smile on the outside
But it's all one big lie.
I'm dying inside
Tearing at my akin
Just so I can feel, even for a second.
You tell me I look fine
But little do you know
That I'm one step off the edge...
Teetering...
Waiting for a reason to stay.
You say I look happy
But I'm not.
I starve to feel worthy,
I cut to feel alive.
I think of suicide as a way of ending this pain.
I don't want to die
But I no longer want to hurt.
So what's that...
I look fine?
Little do you know behind my smile
Lies a thousand little secrets
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