Art is not a luxury, it is a necessity.
To breathe, one inhales air
& to live, one consumes art.
The oxygen that binds to our molecules
& the media that sinks into our psyche
becomes us. A life without art
is akin to chasing one's breath--
Running a marathon full of sighs
leading to one's hollow death.
The starving artist withers away
on both fronts, trapped in a cycle of
melancholy accentuated by poverty.
Seeking funds & neglecting love,
their heart sings out a rhapsody
that only art can assuage.
In truth, the starving artist does not exist.
They are not of their own essence
& have yet to build themselves a soul.
Thus their art opposes what art truly is:
An authentic expression of the Self.
"How then can the starving artist break the cycle
& come into existence?"
They must learn to speak the soul's language:
Emotion.
In order to do so, the starving artist must embark
on an odyssey away from the world of rational thought
& venture into a mystical realm harbored deep within
their subconscious; a subterfuge of silver threads
that discreetly tie them to the world.
A nebulous system that cycles every night awaits them,
consisting of minds the world over weaving themselves
into a network of murmured incantations existing within a
greater imagination. Dreamers in no need of translation
traveling the world through trains of thought,
exchanging fresh ideas charged with emotion.
These trains connect landmark platforms;
healing destinations that overtake the most
monotonous of hearts & connect us all
to a collective consciousness.
Consuming visions of mangoes & stardust
that envelope the night sky, our starving artist
begins to recognize that their starvation runs deeper
than nutrition. For the first time, they understand
how to nourish their soul & do so voraciously.
As the artist connects with the constellations above
seen by everyone, they begin to feel the ancient vibrations
of words spoken long ago by their forbears & ancestors.
Today I said no to a job for the second time.
Mel's boss, Camille, pleaded with her so that I'd come in for an interview & I still turned them down. It simply isn't the space for me.
Later on, Mel was taking the bus to Anna's apartment building from work because Anna had to cover a coworker's shift & so we both agreed to go shopping for dinner ingredients at the grocery store downstairs. Normally I come down from the apartment to let them both in, so I asked Mel to let me know when her bus was ten minutes away. This was so that I'd have enough time to get dressed as I found myself rapt in writing the very piece you see above. She writes me when the bus is four minutes away & quickly follows up by texting that they've arrived. I begin to get dressed & before I start heading down we agree to meet in the store's seafood section.
Once there, she's mad at me for letting her wait outside so long even though I had less time to get there then she knew I would need & no one told her to wait outside the store. Mel makes no concessions & is in a terrible mood the whole time that we're shopping, fussing about how I should have brought more money with me & not understanding why we were getting this instead of that when I keep repeating how getting that would push us over budget. In the end, we managed to get steak, salmon, lime, soap, tea, & crisps for $25.20. We had a pleasant interaction with the clerk at checkout.
As we go upstairs, she's still upset. We drop off the food at Anna's & head down into storage for some cooking oil. Once there, I make a few quips as she gets the things we need & it lightens her up a bit. Upon entering the apartment, I immediately get to work cooking & decide to be cold with her the whole night. She doesn't really notice or care. We go on to exchange stories from France, talked a bit about Japan & how there's a sense of community extended to foreigners there that no longer exists in Latin America, then we fell into our daily routine of discussing miscellaneous things.
We ate herby salmon & steak cooked in citrus juice alongside an avocado spring mix salad. The L Word played over the television. After the episode, I showed her the poem you just read & we both agreed that it was self-defeating in nature; I'm starving myself by not connecting with other people on a greater scale the very same way that the starving artist is creating from within an emotional vacuum.
After a few minutes, Anna comes home in a bad mood because one of her coworkers is an older dude who's being creepy towards a young woman at their job. The things he expressed to Anna are hard to follow & immature. She then goes off to shower as I chop up potato wedges & fry them in a seasoned oil while listening to an old album over headphones. Mel is already fast asleep on the couch. As I cook these potatoes, I make sure to give them all of my anger & frustration, flipping them with a large spoon over the intensely hot oil until they being to lightly char. I leave a plate out for Anna & offer some to Mel as she sleeps. After taking a few pieces, she expresses how good they taste & thanks me before going back to bed.
After her shower, Anna comes out into the living room with her plate of potatoes asking if they're for her. I give her the good news & she lets us know that our former friend Zoey reached out earlier asking if we could pick up our stuff from her apartment while she's out of town visiting her Sister & Father who were recently involved in an accident. She'd like everything to happen through her roommate MJ who will be there tomorrow. I quietly think to myself that this must be because Mel ended their friendship after Zoey expressed having fallen in love with her, feelings that Mel does not reciprocate on account of her purportedly still being in love with me. Ever so subtly shifting the topic, I reaffirm that all of the potatoes Anna is holding are for her & offer them my seat on the second couch. We sit together eating in silence until she realizes out loud that this moment after a long shower was something that she needed. I then go to the kitchen to make cold brew & she follows, putting her plate in the sink for me to wash tomorrow. Soon after this, Anna goes to bed & I start making a turbinado simple syrup so that Mel can have it with her cold-brew coffee before going to work the next morning.
Tonight, the seventh night of my twenty-fourth year, the sky is graced by a beautiful blue super moon & all I want is for someone to love me as much as I love them.