Today in an ****** epidemic,
Little feeling empathetic.
Empathetic for the young lives,
Affected by this epidemic.

Mothers, fathers popping pills to make them feel,
If it’s okay according to the FDA then this is a real ordeal.

Inflicting pain on the young hearts
Families once whole, now ripped apart, hard.

For pain they call it therapeutical,
In reality place the blame on Pharmaceuticals.

The doctors who prescribed the pills for pain,
Only for the addictiveness to take over the brains,
The brain keeping us sane until we swerve a little too far out of our lane,

Into the rubble the car crashes,
You know you’re in trouble when family dynamic is nothing but ashes,

Once a loving mother, father, sister, brother.
Now they can’t remember one another.
A simple prescription turning into a burden, an addiction.

Your once young teenage daughter
Until the day we caught her.

Locking her door,
Always wanting more.

It began simple with Marijuana,
Then someone asked, “You wanna?”

This will make you feel nice,
But she never asked, at what price…

A simple anxiety pill, Xanax,
Then everything downhill, she panicked.

A legal prescription “Medicine”
Quote from Tomas Edison,
“I have not failed, I’ve just found 100 ways that won’t work,
But with a smirk
Now she’s aware, that is the perk.

That’s the confliction, the confliction with the concept of addiction,
Definition of addiction, the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.
Now that’s the subscription, you subscribed to the addiction.
Paying for the new issue monthly
Only the best for you honey.

Full ride scholarship,
Until she slipped.

All the way down, rock bottom.
Hit the ground, she couldn’t hear them.
Screaming for her to stop,
Until the day she climbed to the rooftop,

She didn’t ever fall,
Maybe it would have been best for her after all,
If she jumped to let go,
Because after all we know how far she’ll go.

The constant desire,
The desire to light the fire,
The fire under her pipe, doing what the monster said was right.

The finding of the final stage, the monster,
The true destruction of your once perfect girl.
She took the blame,
Her mother claimed it was her who felt the pain,
The pain forcing her to take the blame when it was just her best interest to maintain,
Keep her brain happy before she go insane,
Insane from all the pain that a simple pill caused,
She’s simply trying to maintain…

Do we blame the victim?
Push them down kick them?
The true destruction of her mind,
Something legal,
Yet truly evil.

If it’s FDA approved,
Is it really okay to do?

You are toxic.
You are the words unspoken.
You were the missing questions.
You were the extra five minutes in my routine.
You were the extra glance in the mirror.
You were the no-good thought then.
You became the after-thought now.

You were the dimlit star
I am trying to reach.

You've lost much
of your glow
how I wish
my light would reach you, and
teach you
     that in life
you're ever so beautiful.

How the harsh words of the world
barricades you soft spoken heart
into stones.

What’s the one thing we long for?
The one thing that’ll break our hundred brick wall
You might say money
But funny
‘Cuz I wasn’t going to say that at all
Perhaps it’s jewelry
But I’d be wearing some, surely

No, the one thing we invest our life in
Is something more than simply an expensive item

We look for love in the most strange places
Like behind a wall, under a table, or in a collection of cases
And the place I think we look to the most
Is hollywood - our computer screen - with that beautiful model as a host
You see, the world tells us love is something you get that you have to earn
An emotion that may only last a turn
‘Cuz you know the world is prone to change its mind
One second it’s anchored at the sea - the next at the sky

And so we live life
A zombie
Wandering around like a lovesick - wannabe
Thought you caught love in your butterfly net
But if flies off - you haven’t seen it yet

We’ve been failed so many times
But people who told us we were loved but then jumped to the next lines
We try to prioritize
Put something else on the top of our list
But deep inside we know it’s our heart we don’t want to risk

I could slam more words on you
But let me get to the point
The true meaning of love doesn’t waver at its joint

Love is - and you might hate me for this -
Not just a hug, not just a kiss
It’s not something you can earn ‘cuz we know we’re just walking mistakes
So who is the mysterious giver
Who gives and doesn’t take?
Well, in a word, it’s God
Someone who is and gives that one thing we long for: love

You might not be too sure of this God
Might just think he’s a being who doesn’t care whether you live or die
Afterall, it’s he just that “Pie in the Sky”?
Or maybe you don’t even think he exists
Where’s he been?
There are all these years he’s missed

Well, I’d say he’s been right here
Right beside you
Ready to lift you when you fall
Ready to answer when you call

The one thing I can’t stand
Is when people think God hates them
When he’s the very one who made them

And most importantly he has the one thing we claim is our destiny
He has love
You may laugh at me
‘Cuz maybe your vision of God is just blasphemy
A faculty of misconception that has made us too blind to see
Give me permission to show you the God who makes us free

How has God showed love, you ask?
Well, it’s certainly not just in the past
But I’ll give an example
The greatest example of all time
It’s something I think we’ve all heard of
But something we don’t like to click remind

Maybe you’ve heard of Jesus
How he died on a cross
But if you just had that information
We’d all be lost
‘Cuz what’s a dying man got to do with us?

First, I want you to think of the person you love the most
You don’t have to say it out loud - you can be as silent as a ghost
Tell me, would you die for this person?
Would you die for your family?
Maybe, probably

Now think about a stranger
A stranger you pass by every day
You never say “hey” never say “Are you okay?”
Never ask for their name
You pass them, never think much of them
Tell me, would you die for this person?
Would you die and make him free?
Maybe, probably… not

Back to the story, the one where you were caught
On wanting to know what happened, the reason, what not

So Jesus is being sent to die
He’s the most perfect being in the nation
And he’s being sent to die
They say he rose above his station
Claimed to be God - which he was
So he’s being sent to die

He didn’t struggle
Didn’t plead “why”
He didn’t send fire from heaven
He allowed himself to die

On the cross, he cried “Father forgive them”
He let the sins of the world succumb
He took the ending we deserved
He died without any a regretful word

He died
He lied -
In a tomb, for me, for you
For fools
For musty, rusty tools
For fake jewels
For people whose lives are as ***** as a barn’s manger
Jesus died for a stranger

That’s love
He loved first
His love is pure
We wander the earth
Searching for a cure

“I’m so close,” we say
“I have friends, family”
When that fails we pick a day to do drugs and look at *******

“I’m so close,” we sigh
“So close to the sky”

And yet we cry
‘Cuz the hole inside is gaping with every breath that arrives

We have one word for love
We love pizza
We love our pet
We fall in love with someone
And then we fall out of it

But real love, God’s love
It comes in one form
Unconditional
We may stop loving after the morn’
But God never stops
Is always on a roll

What are you longing for?
Do you even know?
I think you do
I think it shows

Maybe it’s love
Unconditional love
A love that makes someone die when someone else should of

That’s love
He loved first

All you have to do is ask for it
Say, “More of you, less of me. I believe.”
And you know the best part?
It’s free

when I was 14 I was force fed contraception and never got a taste of an apology
when I was 14 the phrase "I'm not ready" wasn't a clear enough interpretation of "no"
so instead of presenting my case in front of a judge, I presented my virginity in front of a 17 year old boy.
when I was 14 I didn't know I was being ***** until a week and a half later when it happened again.
and even through my broken sobs and nightmares, my own father didn't believe me for over a year.
when I was 15, I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder because the distinction between love and tear stained pillow cases was nearly non existent.
when I was 15, I made the decision to drown the flashbacks in a sea of painkillers, and in what followed I met thirteen other beautiful girls who shared the same story I did.
when I was 16 I realized something had to be done.

for two years I hid a badge labeled '**** victim' under long sleeves and red eyes because I was too ashamed of what I let happened to myself to get help.
I was told I made a false accusation, when in reality the only fallacy is in our justice system.

**** is not always a white t shirt with specks of blood in the back of an alley or a drunk uncle with a wandering eye. **** is not always screaming at the top of your lungs and fighting for your life with a knife to the neck. it is not always textbook, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be taken seriously.

a lot can happen in a year, maybe four;
a lot can happen in an hour, maybe more.

talking is fine, but can you take on the risk?
now, i’m not just talking about an ordinary task.
whether it be a lifetime of love, the love of your life,
or one particularly special night,
it all comes down to this:
a right
of passage, a race.

who’s better?

he’s taller, but he has the nice hair;
she’s blonder, while she tries not to care.
he can’t dance, and he won’t try;
she won’t admit to the tear in her eye.
he knows what he wants, and he knows nothing;
she tries to distinguish a little bit of everything.

stop it.

there’s no winning the race yet because his shoe is untied;
she can’t stand and go face that finish line.
he tripped and fell, but so did she;
the other guy ran, only to fall to his knees.
stop panting and collect yourself- just breathe.

a lifetime led to four years, and four years to that day;
she ran and chased too many check points along the way.
afraid of being alone, she asked too many times;
afraid of dancing alone, she asked, but was still denied.
him, him, him, him, he who was possibly that sacred hymn:
one he wondered impatiently,
another he pursued contradictingly,
another he fell flawlessly;
however, no he was to be lawfully,
but only so rightfully.

this is no lifetime, but only
one evening not meant to be lonely.
the only way to win is to face them directly in the eye
and have every question answered. why?
because this is that special night,
senior year, and you have the right.

step back, step up, have courage, calm down.
ASK her to a quaint place in town,
but before she even knows you’re listening,
just as both your hearts are quickening,
surprise HER with that special something.
if she knows, you may think you blew it,
when really, this whole time, she probably knew it.
it won’t be easy, but if it comes from the heart,
there’s the finish line. all you’ve got TO do is start…

ya know, sometimes Poems Reveal Oblivious Messages...

Hey.

It's me again.

Thought I'd call to see how you were.

We haven't spoken much lately,
and last night I slept with another man who didn’t remember i loved tulips and bought me marigolds and i almost said your name. I closed my eyes and envisioned the hair on your chest
and your growls in my ear and the ******* tulips you bought me the first night we went out. Now, all i can do is
turn you into ****** poetry to read at ****** open mics.
You’ll be a story to tell when asked about my love life and
those who don’t know your name will tell me you’re an ******* and I deserve better and the mutual friends we share
will tell me I’m an ******* and I need to grow up,
but I am an adult. I did my taxes last week and I made an appointment with the doctor two weeks ago and next week,
I’m turning in my resume for an interview to an office job I’ll probably hate and when I think of you,
I’ll become that girl who had panic attacks at the thought of you leaving and who cried every night for a boy who never loved her back. I’ll be the girl who begged you not to leave and got drunk just so she could tell you she loved you.
When I wake up tomorrow, I’ll put on mascara and pull myself together, because my mom raised a woman who didn’t need a man to tell her he loved her every morning and I’ll go run errands I can’t keep pushing back because I can’t keep cancelling on my publisher, because eventually the I-Don’t-Feel-Good excuse gets old and life moves on and you moved on and I’m tired of everyone telling to move on. I have always been the type of person to get stuck and I’m stuck on you and unfortunately my water heater broke and I can’t get rid of you without hot water and it hurts to much when I try to pull you off my skin because if I move on you will disappear and it’s crazy but the pain reminds me you were here and i had felt something I hadn’t felt for a really long time because for a really long time, I was so depressed i didn’t know i could feel, I didn’t know I could love and my best friend told me I couldn’t love someone else until I learned to love myself, but thats ******* because god ******, I loved you with every fiber of my being and the day you walked out the door,  my ******* water heater broke. Time stopped.

The vase shattered.
All the tulips died that morning.