Every smile,
every touch
and every word
we ever shared were
poems unto themselves.

I am smiling,
        An exercise I do with mouth
My teeth clear white.

I am smiling,
        Looking so happy
What a perfect disguise.

I am smiling,
        what a beautiful day to
have all my sad thoughts come for me.

I am smiling,
         It is a practice
an ongoing progressive learning.

I am smiling,
          There is absolutely nothing I can do
Here, I smile to you too.

I am happy
I am sad
I am jealous
I am mad

Smiling
Frowning
Glaring
Drowning

I finally found a way
To tear my gaze away.
I read all day
In preparation.

Then my eyes blurred all kinds,
I was so used to type.

So I smiled,
Without regard to if
It was returned.

I saw my
Conditional
Friendliness
Obscured.

the more I endure
the more it hurts
the more I smile
the better it gets
because every smile
has the power
to uplift the pain and sorrows

Days pass,
I lay in despair.
But as night takes charge,
I believe God will make repairs.
My life may be hopeless,
Running on cheap cigarette smoke,
But I was once a little smiling  girl,
And I will be her,I will be her,once more.

Happy and content -> Nudged out of wack.
On the right path -> Diverted off-track.
Whole and complete -> convinced of lack.

Laughing imbicility -> Fatalistic and sad.
Understandingly forgiving -> impossibly mad.
Totally good -> enjoyable bad.

Zest for life -> inviting suicide.
No remorse -> regretfully tried.
Never always -> honestly lied.

Timid fear -> Daring and bold.
Genuine character -> hypocritically cold.
Religiously devout -> soul's been sold.

Musically inclined -> can't keep a beat.
Social butterfly -> never want to meet.
Sour face -> smiling so sweet.

Always the same -> subject to change.
Seeking normality -> incredibly strange.
Demandingly certain -> just to re-arrange

… Remind you of anyone?...

I've been too far out all my life I think
And not smiling but... but agonizing.

They rang to see was I alright, was I
   OK
I smiled down the phone, told them I
   was fine
That I was reading a bit, watching TV
Out sunning myself in the back
   garden
What I didn't tell them I suppose, was
   the real truth
That my Demons they were keeping
   me entertained
They were sitting on the fence right
   now watching me
Like great big Birds of Prey.

"Are you keeping yourself fit", they asked, " getting enough exercise ",
" Yes!", I smiled again, "I do daily runs
   around the garden"
Of course, this too was a fib, a lie
The truth was it was really my
   demons again
Who were chasing me around the
   garden
No! Me! I wasn't smiling, I was just...
   just agonizing.

"Are you eating enough ?" they asked
"Yes, I am", I replied again smiling, " I
   had lots of food in the house
What I neglected to tell them was of
   course, the truth
That really it was my demons who
   were eating me
And Boy! were they having a feast.

"O!", I thought to myself, " when this
   whole thing is all over (the virus
     crisis)
I gotta get myself a woman
Some lovely sweet pretty lookin'
   thing
She'll save me from my demons
They'll find her more appetizing
Can eat her first instead of eating me".

Sometimes, it is just
as simple as this sentence:
I miss your smile

4:39 PM
23/6/20