Watch me as I fall apart                                                            ­                as  I  try  to heal my broken heart                                                            ­             Hear me cry myself to sleep                                                            ­ isn't  this  what you want from me                                                               ­ See  me writhe in my misery                                                           ­          so  you can eye me pitifully                                                        ­            Laugh  at me with all your friends                                                          ­ brag  how it came to a bitter end                                                              ­           Take the credit , or blame me                                                               ­ this  is  what they have paid to see                                                              ­ Strip  me  of  my  self-esteem                                  ­                                   Kick  me while  I lay bleeding                                                         ­          inflict  your brand of cruelty                                                          ­  I  knew  that's how it was going to be                                                      Ruin  me for anyone else                                                                           pull  me through the fires of hell                                                             ­    Prove to me no one would care                                                             ­   that  no one will ever be there                                                            ­    Throw  in that I am such a *****                                                            ­     that  should just  about cover it                                                               Tell  me how I made you cheat                                                            ­      balk  at  me while I weep                                                             ­              Help me to get over you                                                              ­                   I  will thank you when we're through

Why do I feel like I do not belong when I know I do
Why do I feel low when all I ever dreamt is of sky
Why do I why do I why do I

Can you hold my hand and end my despair
Can you tell me what I deserve when I clearly don’t understand

I’m a mess sinking down in all of this distress
Nowhere to go no one to call I came so far away searching for my happiness gone
Show me some mercy for I can’t catch a break
For every love I got turned out fake
For every soul I saved, I’ve not been repaid

Why do I feel like I deserve it all when I know I don’t
Why do I feel controlled when all I ever dreamt is to be uncontrolled
Why do I why do I why do I

Can you show me the way out of my misery
Can you find me the peace which I am not able to

I’m a chaos finding an order for which only lord knows might be my agony
Having a brainstorm I find myself in a collapse
I got no one to blame for I know I’m my worst enemy

Here I stand with my sorrow with my aching
Hoping for a way out, looking for an end of it

And I know time isn’t in our hands.
Still move with life, or watch it move
on without you. Either you walk with
time, or time walks away from you.

They gave you a one-star review for
your love, judged your heart, spat into
your scars, dragged your name through
the mud. Still, don’t paste their words
onto your heart.

Because when you live a better life, they’ll
circle back to copy. You’ll ask yourself,
“why do the ones who once overlooked
me now want to over-book me… or cop me?”

All the seconds you felt like sloppy seconds
will become the taste of their main course.
And what they called leftovers is the meal
they'll hunger for the most.

Remember:

Time is a thief, it steals your hours, your hope,
your years. But don’t let wasted time rob you  
of what’s real. Don’t let it steal the reason you live.

I shelter myself so fiercely.
I am an ongoing discussion;
my life isn't perceived the same.
Do you know I love talking about the most unusual things?
Do you know I can't go a day without my mother's voice?

I wake to a new perception of myself,
one I've made for someone new.
The idea of knowing Diane,
the idea of me being open.
You'll grow tired, I can tell;
I always could.

I'm a girl who is scared:
scared of what the real me reveals,
scared of hurting myself,
scared of how you'll see me.
You can't know how obsessed I become,
you can't know how much power and wealth i crave,
you can't know how much love I hold to give.

I am dull,
I am unfindable.
I am nowhere;
I am lost.
I can't locate what I'm terrified people will see.
They always leave.

Stop !
" smack "
Here comes another slap,
Suddenly the barking of dogs stop ,
I look up,
The mirror holding a my unknown pop.

The room is looked,
Yes , i am alone ,
Hands still trembling, stuck in invisible strom.
I hate the girl standing in front of me ,
Still lost , drizzling and comparing both the " we " .

The wall behind still dancing with my old part ,
Smiling , thriving , Carefree , shining,  
With innocent and open heart .
She is light and the only remain ,
Dancing,
she paused and looked up,
Back in the mirror ,
Same eyes , same face ,
But all left is unspoken pain.


the devil drifted in ,
' you both can't be the same ',
Another " smack " .
But This time my heart burned ,
I hate this , every part of it,
I shut my eyes,
Breath shuffled.

On the verge of accompanying the last peice of darkness ,
A shadow stop me ,
Smiling , thriving still the same beautiful mess.
She came close,
eyes met,
For first time she spoke but a torn set.

" we are indeed not the same ,
The war is different but not the blame.
We can nver be alike,
We are rides of same bike,
These scares are no less precious than my smile,
You are the most important part of this pile.
Your struggle is real ,
And worthy as well ,
I hold the heaven, coz you took the hell .

You don't need to be anymore prefect,
No need to stand beside another's sect.
All you need to do is hold on,
stay and led the strom. "

This time the darkness cried in pain ,
with a flicker , i was back ,
The sound of a forgotten laughter echoing in room,
Everything is gone or so i thought ,
The one in mirror still Clutching the gloom.

But the eyes were different,  
The smile was still missing ,
But life wasn't,  
The scares were there,
But no longer burned.

I finally opened the door,
The strom inside still roars.
I walked out,
But now embracing the gloom,
The sound of a forgotten laughter still echoing in room.

Divyanshi solanki

They may exclude you,
block you,
erase you—

but only because you set boundaries,
because you chose your own voice
over theirs,
because you chose to be whole,
not broken into pieces.

Once, you jumped ship
hoping they would save you.
And they did—
but not from loyalty,
not from friendship,
only for what you could offer.

That nearly destroyed you.
It drained your soul.

Now, you’ve jumped again—
no lifeboat,
no life jacket,
no hope of rescue.

And that’s the beauty of it.
Because now you know
the true value
of learning how to swim.

When you feel trapped in the past,
remember why you walked away.

They may have blocked you,
hidden you,
erased you—
but wasn’t it you who begged for release?

Yes, it’s sad.
It was a friendship of years.
But when the walls began to crumble,
they chose the one who arrived later—
not you.

Not you, who was there from the start.
Who gave sweat, blood, and tears
to fuel their dreams.

So don’t forget.
It hurts now,
but being alone
is the better choice.

to be of use
without abuse
there’s no excuse
a bit obtuse?
well-cooked my goose?
slide on the noose?

that I refuse!

slip on my shoes
spread the news
do not confuse
it’s not a ruse
but what I choose
I’ve paid my dues



© 2025 Mark Toney