Each and every person who was born and descended into this world,
was raised by presumably different kinds of sentimental treatments and served by disparate acknowledgement of love.

A baby comes out of the womb not knowing anything at all.
How a human was treated in the times of past, what he has witnessed, and what he felt deeply -  matters in times of present.
It was almost too difficult for some people to be considered worthy and quite deserving of love
Perhaps the insecurities were total agony
But if it were agony
Why do they feel it all the time?

I suppose there are people in the world who were taught the importance of affection
And what to do about loving another
and how to construct love to be real
And there are people in the world who weren’t
There are people who are doubtless convinced about what to make of loving a person
And there are people who do not know what to do with it

Many times I lost sleep to thinking,
What do I have to give, to make a person believe the love that I have?
What quality do I have as an individual to be seen beautiful and content, therefore I can fullfil another?
Do I have the tenderness that I never witness from the way my parents loved each other?
Do I have the patience that my mother was less likely to possess?
Do I have the humane, gentle, practices of love that I never had to see?
If I don’t, would it be easy for me to present my love completely?
Do I really need to demonstrate the way I feel about a person, so that I can be trusted?

The answer is, I believe I have what it takes to love and be loved, whether I have or have not witness the act of great love in my past.

I have ears to listen to whatever uttered by another;
To listen to raspy voice in the morning,
and to weary voice at night
To the sound of whirring spoon in the thick of milk and coffee,
and to the sound of, sometimes, slashes and beatings against the door
To hear what sort of sound do kisses make
and what sort of pain does shouting bring
To recognize the noise of a cheerful laughter
and the tone of mourning weeps
And I have eyes not for looking,
but for paying attention
to every details of such vulnerability that perhaps I cannot fix

Though I do not have the divine nature or impeccable qualities of being a decent partner,
My difficulty and persistence in loving
is why I consider myself as genuine within reason

When I love,
I love with my soul
and give with my soul by all means
I hope my tendencies of being humanely difficult
and my willingness to offer mildly inconsiderable pieces of myself
will be enough to make love lasts for once

A house is condemned
Doors boarded shut
Then someone comes along
And says “open up!”
As if the house can remove
What was left by others
Immovable, secured
Layers of construction.
The person sees the weak walls
The peeling paint and broken floors
The “condemned” sign
But can’t help but see more.
They come back with a crew
And the next things you know
This condemned house
Became a home.

Are you this house?
Broken and condemned?
Wanting some company
But can’t let anyone in?
Sometimes the repair
Is more than a one-man job.
It's okay to reach out,
Find your crew and hold on.

I was always lost.
I think I may be found, now
or at least I know you're out there
looking for me.
I'm someone to look for now.

I exist in fragments
scattered over years and moments
of love, of joy, of pain.

In fragments held by people;
I hope they need them someday
if only a brief remembrance.

In fragments lodged in places
where I've been or have wished to be,
where I loved, I laughed, I cried.

In fragments in your heart
that I broke myself for.
Those fragments I may not find again.

I exist in fragments
broken but knowing
that maybe we all need a fragment of me.

My brain draws images of happiness
Because it's everything I wanted to see
A rainbow after the showers end
Because it's everything I wanted to be
Can you feel the iridescent?
Look at me from a new point of view
My mind was a **** mess
That just needed the colors to spew
If there really isn't much left
I'm sorry if it's become a trend
Cannonballs at the deep end
Eating my heart in the ocean
Red is everywhere though
So do I get a brand new halo?
Or will demons guide my soul?
Either way, do I get control?

It's just the way I'll be
It's just the way I see things
It's just the way I see everything

And I get to die
Every single night
When I sleep and dream
Somewhere close to five
Hours and I try
To escape this life
I lay back and breathe
And then close my eyes
So maybe instead
Of wishing for death
And thinking of red
I should rest my head
While Hell remains
For when you awake
Life passes by
Every breath you take

Have you ever wanted to change the world?

Would you make it better?
Would you make it happier?
Or would you just make it easier?

Would you change it for good?
Or maybe for evil?

How would you change it?

Would you do it to change your image?
Or to fall in love?
Or maybe to just make that one person smile?

Would you end all wars?
Would you feed all hungry?
Or would you house all poor?

Why would you change the world?

Do you want to be the hero?
Or the villian?

There are many things we want to change,
Whether in our selves,
Or in others.

Some are greedy,
Some are humble,
Some just want peace.

With many things,
We would want to change,
It’s okay if the only thing you change,
Is yourself.

Something I've learned about people,
is that no-one really understands perspective.
Not everyone knows just how much **** I'm going through,
even though I try my best to help them understand.
And that it's no one else's fault.
And that it's OK for me to feel worse because of it.
Something I've learned about people,
is that you have to make a huge god-**** effort to get your point across.
Even though you could just as easily hold up a sign saying 'For ***** Sake, Help Me', most people are blind to it.
And that it's not that they don't care,
It's that they don't know how do deal with it.

Something I've learned about life,
is that it really isn't what it's cracked up to be.
Not everyone gets a good deal out of it, and not everyone can be happy, no matter how well off they are.
And that people don't mean to be oblivious,
And that even if you tell them that - they'll always forget.
Something I've learned about life,
is that everyone goes through ****.
Some people have it worse off than others, but everyone assumes that their **** was worse.
And that everyone needs to shut up and listen.
And that 'everyone' includes yourself.

Something I've learned about myself,
is that I can be so **** mean when I'm not careful.
That sometimes I just need to say it straight and not worry about the consequences.
And that sometimes, it's OK to cry.
And that I shouldn't be ashamed of that.
Something I've learned about myself,
is that I need to be aware of myself.
I should stop focusing on others, and start giving a **** about myself.
And that keeping it in is only temporary,
And that eventually, we all have to burst.

but what good does that do me?
None.
because I'm still a huge ******* mess.