I can't move,
And I can't breathe,
And my hands are shaking at the thought of starting to leave.
And I don't know if I want to say goodbye,
So please don't give me a reason why.
I'm the girl who sucks at sport and lies to get out of games.
I'm the girl who stresses too much, who spoils the moment.
I'm the girl that looks in the mirror and wants to cry because she can never look beautiful.
I'm the girl who has to fight with herself to breathe.
I'm the girl that can never be happy for her friends achievements
because she knows that she will never amount to anything.
I'm the girl that has breakdowns in class because she can't handle failure.
I'm the girl that curls up in a ball with her hands on her head and tries to block out the demons in her head.
I'm the girl that makes herself bleed.
I'm the girl that wishes she was dead.
I'm that girl.

I'm the girl that people rely on.
I'm the girl that my friends ask for help from.
I'm the girl that gets perfect grades.
I'm the girl that is told she looks beautiful.
I'm the girl that people would kill to be.

But what they don't know is that that girl is killing me.
True pain is never something that you can see easily.
I sit there like a balloon, fit to burst,
and no one even turns their head.
I've been pushed, and pushed, and pushed and pushed andI'mjustsogoddamntiredofitallandIjustwanttoscream.
How can they not have noticed?
I mean, it's not like I'm trying to hide it,
I'm long past that.
Do I really mean that little to them that they never noticed me before?
Have I always looked as depressed on the outside as I am on the inside?
I know they care - I know they do.
I just need them to notice me for once.
notice me when I need them most.

I don't know what will set me off,
or how explosive I'll be when it does;
Once I start, I'm never really sure that I can stop.
Will it be the picture of upset, my hands linked behind my head, legs drawn close, unable to stop the tears from spilling out of my painfully red eyes - uncontrollable sadness.
Or will it be screaming anxiety, my claws finding their usual tearing spots in my scalp, my body trembling with the effort of not screaming at the top of my lungs and falling to literal pieces on the polished floors.
Or will it be like last-time; small, silent self-pitying.
The kind that come out of no-where and takes you by surprise, that you cant do anything about or someone will see, the kind that you hide with your hands whilst pretending that you're getting on with your work and not wishing that you were dead.

you never know with me - it's just one of the many flaws of my mind.
so please - please - just notice me now.
When I'm in the worst place I could be in, the people I need the most never seem to notice.
I'm trapped in a room with no restraints
but my wrist are bleeding in their chains,
ah, ah.
ah, ah.

And the tears are streaming down my face,
but my cheeks are drier in their place,
ah, ah.
ah, ah.

because every time I run out the room
I stumble back in,
my hands are tied and my patience tried
and I'm wearing quite thin,
Now, I'm not one for wasting time
so I'll keep it all in
in the chains that I built
of my sin.

Oh, these walls are like a stranger to me;
they show me my face, but it's not me that I see,
ah, ah.
ah, ah.

I curl up in bed with my legs drawn close
because it's the simple things that I need the most.
ah, ah.
ah, ah.

because every time I run out the room
I stumble back in,
my hands are tied and my patients tied
and I'm wearing quite thin.
Now, I'm not one for wasting time,
so I'll keep it all in
in the chains that I built
of my sin.

because every time I ran out that room
and I stumbled back in,
my courage froze as my eyelids closed;
It's been wearing quite thin.
Now, I know I'm loved, but I can't breathe,
I can't take it all in.
so I'm trapped,
tearing pieces
A song I wrote about feeling trapped in my life, unable to act on my feelings, and unable to ask for help...
This is one of a series of songs that I wrote, let me know if you want me to post the others!
'beautiful', she thinks,
'open up your walls to me,
let me see within.'
You leave me spluttering,
dizzy, disorientated.
You came out of nowhere,
you took me by surprise.
I tried to stop you,
tried to smother you,
tried to cover you up,
but I couldn't breathe,
I couldn't speak, couldn't scream for help.
I was choking.
you made one thought consume my body;
'please just... stop.'
And eventually you did,
and I never want to see you again -
it's bad enough that I still have your mess to clean up.
I hate you,
I hate you like a nosebleed.
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