As she looked in the mirror.
A vision slowly getting unclearer.

She hated her freckles.
She hated her eyes.  
She hated the curves at the tops of her thighs
They were magnets to her eyes.

But outside her window.
Was a boy in his room.
He couldn't help but think of a girl he knew.

A girl with freckles.
And pretty brown eyes.
A girl who was beautiful.
No matter what size.

Do not go
searching  to find home
in someone else, you
must find it in yourself
first.

I reach down into my heart,
Careful not to tear it apart.
Then I discover all the pieces,
There is a feeling that not one teaches.
I always knew that I was broken,
Knowing I could never be ones token.
I want things that few desire,
Things that would make your weak mind tire.
I start to feel all of the stress,
As I watch the constant rise and fall of my chest.
I set a lock upon my mind,
I think of things that even your mind couldn't grind.
I hate the feeling of what I am,
I'm tired of feeling the painful cram.
Sometimes I look in the mirror,
Wishing that the image would disappear.
Is it bad that I think this about myself? Surely it is bad for my health.

Her body is short and plum
Yet she hates it when old men say "yum"
Always taught to say nothing unless spoken
But what happens when a man took her token.
No one ever tells her to tell her emotions.
So she sits there and silences the voices commotions.

Heavy foot steps and lead laeden words.
Trying to create sense of this emergancy of birds.
Predators hiding lurking in the laminate
sealed in with a kiss the layers are feeling permanant.
Clear obsidion mixed with volcanic ash.
Crushing down on me, im gasping for breath.
Shaking like a mountain just before the eruption
trying to remove myself from this plastic corruption.
Daisies die in feilds..
Deers burn as the air horns call out the catastrophy.

You all need to run from me.

Silence in my self, I am no longer seeking
i need to break free and sing just as birds sing.
Calling out the warning; shaking up the evergreens.
its all interconnected.
Hyperspatail turbulance im screaming in my bed
im worried
im afraid
im trying
its working
i think that the plastic might just be burning
the toxic
the posion
its all gassing off from me
dont breath me
i feel like its something.


I could just be werid. Relaxing in turbines, i think im just trying and poems lead to calm minds.

Make sense of me. Make sense of you.
And you.
And you.
Im caought up in the subterfuge.  Capracioisly grapsing
for what im not sure.

Cattawompus canyons are cut into my heart. Im so confused information on piecharts
, the values dont match
the legend is misleading.
God seems to be warrenting this healing.
Kicking in the door
creating a dizzy storm.
Cyclopeon rage
stolen from days of yore..

Its time to let go.
Its time to grow.

Just understand me . just for a breif moment. I am harmless. I am less. I am lost. I need rest..

A bunch more words too honest too painful. I write poems to unleash all that is shameful.

This hurts.

This is needed.

I am bleeding.

Just so I am.

Just living.

Just leaving.

Just kidding.

Just bidding.

Betting.
On when its all ganna explode.
On when the subroutiunes will need a defrag machine when the bios gets corrupted when the system wears down when i will stand in the light looking like a ******* clown.
Because i trusted.

Why is this so hard?
I am 24 years old and cant drive a mother ******* car.
Fear is a disease that i can not squah on my own
a whole battallion of star ships need to warp into my home and disrupt the radio frequencies that speak to me
in dreams the nightmares unending the face grips and rending my cheek bones are tensing my teeth are condensing milkbones and raw tones

This excitment inside me
burns out the live feed
darkness envolopes mailed sent by trumpet
these echos of my thoughts
repeat the words taought
like liar and loser you dumb ******* ****** acomplish not nothing but your something is ******* just so god ****** worthless they all wait for your face to turn to a frowning grimice of you drowning you floundering ****** you sociatial ****** you cautious cat crawling as dogs get the tasties of life while your wasting your time just complainging this echo echo chamber needs to be ******* obliterated. A star dust deconstruction and rebuilding of the most primitive functions.

Take me from my own head.
I made my bed.
Id lie in it. But. Its made of my own meat and guts.

Friends
.. I need your ******* help.

Just.
Be you. Perfect.

I trust you. Despite what these echos say bouncing in my brain.

Just.

This is too much.

Just.

I think im just werid..

Just.

Please dont run.

How many times must i say "I aint ****"
Before people will listen
Yes I can trEAT you right but its hard to talk while were kissing
How bout right after we do our sinning and I'm resting in your bed
Instead of climbing on my face , put a scalpel to my head
Maybe if you see my thoughts you'd better understand my visions
Baby just don't look at my heart its in a bad place cause bad decisions
I had to lock it away and so its chained up in the basement
But it still hangs posters of past lovers and all of their replacements
I didn't ask for this but I wouldn't change it cause I know I ain't ****
I know I'll be nothing more than a failure and its fine cause I'm cool with it.

A step forward, a hundred back
with these type of flow, can I turn it back?
The time I spent wastin'
on all the things that amounted to nothin'

If given the chance to redo everything
Would I be able to make the right choices?
or Will I end up being with the current me?

would walking down that path again
also amount to nothing?
or will it bear fruit to something?

Something that might give hope to the me
who felt like I have lost sight of what's in it for me

when you dont want to be here, but you're too tired to try not to be,
just look around and maybe you'll see
oh dear, how much you really mean to me.

if only i could see

"You sure do smile alot"
The birds always say
"You betcha"
I reply with a smile

But open my purse
And ask for a nurse
Because it's filled to the brim
Sorry if this is too grim
But my purse is a house for razor blades