When I was little, I would go to church each week
Sit in the pew and listen to a priest speak
He painted a picture like an artist
Describing a beach with hundreds of starfish
A boy was throwing them back in the ocean
When a man came and motioned
That the boy just couldn't save them all,
The boy replied he could save that one.
I've resonated with that story since I was small,
Something about the story seemed undone.

The man never helps the child,
Never offers to see his goal.
One child can save some starfish
But with some help, couldn't we save them all?
It just ends with a boy saving one
Like he's doing a good deed and I agree,
Yet no one still sees what that boy sees.

You're drowning in a week from now,
Can someone lend a leg to stand?
I hope they do, everyone needs a helping hand.
Inconvenience is only convenient for an excuse,
Pay no mind to a reward.
Let's throw every starfish back,
It can start with me and you.

Our eristic world, can we make
it irenic again? Can blue skies
make our blue feelings dissipate,
our intemperate feelings sanguine?
When shall we realize that you and
I are one, that all rivulets become
one stream, that all streams become
one river, that all rivers flow into one
ocean? The air that you breathe is
the air I breathe. John Donne was
prescient:  When one dies, all are
diminished. The bombs we build
now traduce us;  weapons make us
weak. Blood in our bodies is meant
for our hearts and tributaries, not
to sodden ground into gore. No
more, I say! Our hands are meant
for helping and for healing;  our
eyes for seeing inequities, iniquities
that still abound. All around are
injustices that penetrate, that per-
meate our souls. Was Earth meant
to perpetrate these wicked ways?
Is Earth dearth of goodness? Surely
not. It has been turned inside out.
We must ameliorate. This is our fate.
So Adam ate an apple…. Earth was
once Eden. Is God so vindictive as
to keep us thus enslaved? We need
not pray forever to make this change.
All rivulets fall into one ocean. You and
all others are one. Our hands and hearts
are joined. God gave us this Earth.
Let us all be good gardeners and
give Him back his Eden. Amen.

Copyright 2019 Tod Howard Hawks

Ohhhh you can lead a frown.
But don’t expect your crown.
For we’re not easily snowed.
Cause we know you’re  known.
Tough, you can pick a fight. Ha.
Weak, you are insecure.
We. Know. Who you are.

Please, be back soon.
Honesty. Awaits you.
Generous, we like to be.
So gracious, we should see.
You Lie, behind your back. Foolish.
We. Know. Who you are.

Ohhhh, you can lead a sin.
But all equal, and forgiven’
Seek, halfheartedly.
You’ll only exist, and die existentially.
For we know you’re known.
Feel, free to be.
Reality, you can’t see.
We. Know. Who you are.

Embrace, humanities.
Disgrace in your humanity.
But who are we to judge you?
And to say what we say is true?
Leave in distaste, find a new pace.
For who are we to strike you down?
You do that to yourself anyway.

It kills me every time I drop you off
Just don’t get out of the car
I want to protect you
Get you out of that toxic place
It feels so comfortable
Feels like a home
Until it’s just you alone

I love your mom
But how could she just leave you like that
Not forever
But even a day is long enough
With the beast that dwells within the house
A parasite
Draining the energy
Draining the happiness
Filling the hole with fear
With the desire to escape
But you have to love him
He’s your monster
He created you

But that isn’t love
Love doesn’t cause you to cry and shake
Love doesn’t make you want to run away and never stop
But I’m love
But I’m here
So stay
Stay away from there
Stay in my arms

After this crazy
After this storm
We will get away
I’ll hold you up
You’ll hold me close
Escape a broken family so we can start our own

Struggling
To stay afloat
In the rapids
Waves crashing down upon the skull
A second above
The next below
Then plunged farther from the surface
Unable to breathe
But there is no pain
Just void
Then an aching
Internal dying
Yearning for the pain
Then, there it is
Water-filled lungs
Brain on fire
Tainted soul

Seeing others above
Emotions fester
Then, a confession
Double confession
Realization
Relief, shock, and overwhelming joy
Then a clasp of hands
Being pulled up
Head breaking the surface
Above the rapids
To calmer waters
Where one can breathe
Where we can breathe
Together
Aid each other
Build a raft
To stay afloat
Sometimes it flips
Sometimes there are moments
When water enters the lungs
Darkness fills the mind
But then
A hand
Takes one up
To the sun

Revived by the one who loves you
The one you love
Embrace
Clasp of hands
The one who saved you
From falling away
With the shadows
Patching the bullet holes
Bandaging the battle wounds
Healing for both

- Jay M
October 29th, 2019

"Save me" that what his sign said,
Did he want cash or a place to crash?
Maybe to talk and have a couple laughs
Makes no difference, another car,
Another car drove right past
Yelling hateful words like he deserves it
With sad eyes, you never wonder how your words hit.
He's already a failure in his eyes
You don't want to see through his eyes.

"Save me" he holds up a cardboard slate,
He's asking before it says "too late"
Don't mind the appearance, he's a good soul.
He fell down when the economy was low.
Threw his retirement to the fire,
Threw his body at drugs and alcohol.
Now he has no place to go.

"Save me" his sign is getting worn out
"Go get a job!" They shout him down.
The next time I turned the corner,
That old man was nowhere to be found.

Just like that,
I felt a sprinkle of pain,
You know the kind that gnaws and grows,
And nibbles your insides.

What started it, I wonder,
A buried thought,
a deserted experience,
Befallen, buried, squashed,
Run asunder, but still alive.

It pushes through the barriers to say,
Hey you! Yes you!
I exist,
Don’t think your looking away,
Will stop me coming back, some day.

Huh! I beat it hollow,
and there it’s slimy self crept back,
I had learnt not to feed it as it would grow,
I keep it on such a strict spartan diet,
My oh My! Look how bulbous it looks!

Hmmmm! Pain, were you feeding inside of me merrily while I was asleep,
Chewing my tissues, chomp chomp, burp,
Deep so very deep,
I feel I am missing a bone or two,
you gluttonous pain,
I am sure you’ve gobbled up many cells too.

Dark, gray, silent, doom,
Am I on for lifelong gloom,
Aah! Hrmph! Boo hooo!
What do I do,
So many around me,
Who do I reach out to?

Oh I do reach out,
And they say,
You? Couldn’t be,
You’re so strong,
It doesn’t fit you well, this pain you see!

I laugh, Is this pain
A size smaller for me,
Am I self indulgent,
In saying it hurts.

I start looking around,
And see many like me,
Laughter hiding the pain,
Cloaked well, their touch warm,
The tremble reaching out in vain.

It’s tough, this despair,
Sometimes with valid cause,
Many times so much accumulated,
Unaddressed, unmet, covered with gauze.
It rears it’s ugly head
For many
Eating their insides,
It’s canine jaws,
Sharp and unrelenting.

I still don’t have an answer,
Who does really,
Expectations, recriminations, justifications, validations, manipulations, mechanisations,
Eat us up a bit more.
We sleep off some days
hoping to sleep away to nothingness.

And then we arise to the morn,
The sun filtering through, casting its warmth,
A bird in the distance chirping away,
Pain still there but so are my fingers glowing like starlight along the Milky Way,
My limbs stretch and I purr away,
The clocks tick tock,
Reminds me of a chance,
A new beginning,
A fresh start,
A fresh me,
A wounded but mighty heart!  

Facing my pain instead of sublimating it,
Nursing it tenderly instead of ill treating it,
I know you’ll ease out, heal out,
And I will be better each day,
Because this life, this beautiful life,
Is worth living each moment, every day.

When I face you, I shall share you,
Tell your story to those I want to,
And suddenly, you will feel acknowledged and dance way into the oblivion because you’ve been sung to, heard, cuddled and celebrated.

Till then, I trudge along...