Give me silence
Let me retreat
My time has been stretched
Memories faded
I have to admit
Were they faults or rejections
These no achieving deeds
The search for love
Quests for answers
Fled that vulnerable scene
Stifled thoughts
Blocked laneways
Unknowns remained
Rescued and mastered
By the very next of kin
(c)near_lane7

As I sit in my mother's room writing this piece,
I wonder to myself,
"Do I keep fighting? Do I just tell her how sad I am? Or do I keep my emotions to myself?"
With the questions in my mind, a headache at hand, and deep sorrow in my heart,
There is only one decision left to make;

As I fend off of the courage that is thrown at me,
I fight the voices away telling me to stay on the ground,
To just be alone forever and to just keep quiet,
I do the possible and get up;

I walk to her and just look her in the eyes and I give in,
I break down in front of her for the first time in 2 1/2 years,
The first time I'd cry in front of her since my first love broke it off with me,
The first time since I felt somewhat safe around her again;

She would ask what was wrong and when I wouldn't answer she would hug me,
Hug me until I couldn't tell her what was wrong to her face,
She would bring me to a place where no one else could bother us so that we could talk,
She would be the first to listen to what I had to keep to myself after all of this time;

When I would be done, my lips would quiver and my eyes would be red from tears,
My heart would be beating faster than a race horse fighting it's way to first place,
My head hurting from crying too much,
My mind racing at what she would say;

She would just stand there and listen to everything,
Everything that I had been mentally saying for the past 2 1/2 years,
Everything that was not right with me,
Everything that should have been said in the first place;

She would hug me and tell me everything would be alright,
She would tell the other kids to leave me alone for the rest of the night so that I can think about things,
She would leave for a bit to get food for the hungry tummies that were hyper from being cooped up inside from the winter weather,
She would return with the same love she felt for me when she first had me as her firstborn child;

I would finally feel at ease with the world for that moment,
I would finally be able to be honest with her for the first time in what felt like forever,
I would finally be able to be happy,
I would finally be able to find my true self after all of the terrible things that no one would be able to even think about;

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone,
Though it may take you years to see it,
You will get there eventually,
And though you might know my story;

Mine is just an example of how far you can go from being the worse kid to handle with,
To the most remarkable teenager that no one can stand to be without.

The force of hesitation has kept me far from you my King,
The doubt has kept me underwater; my hardened heart has made me cold and dead.
Floating through the waves but slowly drowning, not knowing what joy is or what is suffering.
The waves crash on me to and fro, looking at the dark skies with glass eyes that can't be read.
Water has become heavy; the ripples have shadowed me from your Light,
All that can be done is to wonder at the stars, for they answer "There is a Mighty God"
Lord, may I pray "Rescue me from this sea, I no longer want to dwell in the night".
The heaviness of the water has clenched to my breath, "Lord save me with your golden rod ".
The weeping tears have deepened the tides of sorrow, "Lord deliver me soon ".
If this is the end to my Earthly life, "Lord wake me to Eternal life, take me to your shelter",
I've closed my eyes, 'I'm ready Lord, deliver me from the harshness of war under this moon".
The dark through my eyelids were no more, to open them to the sight of my Savior.
His Mighty hand swooped down to carry me out of the murky water that I dwelled in for too long,
Murky water filled with depression oppressed within my heart and mind.
Finally my eyes were not deceived; my Shepherd has heard my prayer and song.
He lifts me up, soaring on his wings of warmth, my woefulness left behind.
He takes me to his home, his realm that holds his Honorable Throne,
The weights of the world, the anguish from the pain, and the demons have left my head,
They fled from the Light of God, His light shining brighter than any rhinestone.
The Lord takes my hand and walks me through a gentle path beside a riverbed.
"Come walk with me, and accept my complete honesty,
I did not give you life on Earth, so that Darkness could take a hold of you.
You are mine, you were always mine, and I say this truthfully.
Satan has lied to you, to say you were worth nothing so you would not pursue,
He saw the danger of you, a Child of God after my own heart.
Your passion and eagerness to seek me was strong,
But Satan fed little lies in your mind and heart to take you apart.
He told you to give up; life was not worth it, that you did not belong.
That you were worthless, abandoned, and forgotten,
Making you believe that you were too broken to fix; that you were lonely, depressed, and unseen.
Satan condemned you when you stumbled with sin to make you think you were so rotten,
He wants to drag my children down; Satan's plans are ever obscene.
My Child, hear my voice and take these words to heart. You are not an error or weak!
My beloved, I treasure you. I take delight in having you with me.
Don't shut me out; let me in your heart. Let me hear you speak.
Speak to me of your concerns, allow me to lead the path, I ardently love thee.
Go back to your temporal home; don't allow darkness to seep into your heart and soul.
My beloved, I have given you purpose. Be my servant and spread my love.
Don't look right or left, I am your straight and narrow path. I am the end goal.
Seek my truth, bear good fruits and know that I am all around you, in you and above.