I kissed the drop of the ice
Like your tears that never stop
I should have hold your corpse
Instead of giving it to another man
Grayscale and a forceful kiss

I should have warmed you with my love
But now you're gone and I act though
I can't smell the petrichor anymore
My sense had gone walk past that door

The mist that used to makes me shivered
Now just a thin air that whispered
I have lost you in a rainy day like this
Your raindrops were warm and salty
*And now I am buried with  guilt

Methanol*

You were my first secret handshake
but handshakes are history,
why should I befriend a snake,
when I could avoid the misery?

I'm not imploding from the pain
of having no real closure,
no need for guilt to
build my heart a terrain
over your lack of composure.

The smiles you saw
after I pulled the trigger,
after my deed,
were a symptom of no remorse,
no blister
for plucking power out of a ****.

Fake love that stretched me cheeks to a ***** too steep and now my lies chaise me in my dreams who can sleep when happiness dictates you nightmares

Over exaggerating idealistic scenarios only to boost my hopes and motivation without any recognition of success for my to suppress who I am

Remorse of lost emotions that I never had the luxury of experiencing. Joy to watched children dance in the light and to the rhythm of laughter, punish me for my lack of interest in an idea so trivial, that only someone who doesn't know pain could accept

Gracious temporary hosts who held me close and told me to try, try again and were my only friends and who saw my end only to never let me go ever again

Individual alone time, lonely songs sang to the wall and the rooftops on my lungs while they are burning beneath me

Various memories infection my body; nerve spasms, flinching, clenching, screaming, shaking, horrific past events in which I had no control over much like my body

Everyone who left leaving only one to rely on, to lean on, to cling on to have my back to which I am lying flat, wind knocked out of me by reality

I broke free of all the chains
Finally shook off all the pain
I don’t have to take anymore
Stumbling through the dark in search of the door

The moon cast its glow over me
And finally I could breathe
I lay down on the cold hard earth
Wondering what it all was for

Something inside of me finally cracked
And what it was it ain’t comin’ back
All the parts that were sealed up tight
Out of mind and out of sight

And as the wind tears through me
My hearts blowin’ up like a cherry tree
Blossoms burst and fall to the ground
My tears they make no sound

I’ve been wandering for many years
Doing what it takes to satiate my fears
Searching for a treasure though no treasure was found
Until I found myself buried in the ground

Up to my neck was the hole I dug
Like the earth was giving me a hug
As the moon washes over me
It was like I could finally see

As the clouds passed over head
Figured I was better off dead
Than rotting in some broken dream
it’s enough to make a grown man scream

Where did I finally go wrong
I could’ve swore that I was strong
But that burden held over my head
Demon inside was constantly fed

And here I am, laying in the ground
No more dreams, no more sounds
I’ve traded it all in for a peaceful goodbye
Ive never felt more alive inside

I’ve been wandering for many years
Doing what it takes to satiate my fears
Searching for a treasure though no treasure was found
Until I found myself buried in the ground

Goodbye love
Goodbye hate
Goodbye time
Goodbye too late
Goodbye crutch
And goodbye me
Don’t worry I am finally free

Goodbye love
Goodbye hate
Goodbye time
Goodbye too late
Goodbye crutch
And goodbye me
Don’t worry I am finally free

you have not held anything close to your heart since that night.
you hellhound. you dog of war. you *******. you absolute fool.
when did a knife to your throat become your hail mary?
when did the blade become your prayer?
justice, oh, they talk about justice
and it makes you want to laugh
there is no justice in this world, only
judgement.
this gun in your hand is the reckoning that you have needed for years.
you are his punishment.
(and, for all your sins, is he yours?)

When the sun rises
I'll always be hunted by the memories
of the moans and the screams
The laughter and the tears
Torn in two if I should feel
remorse or confidence
with what happened
With you and me
Should I be sated
with the satisfaction of my thirst
or guilty, with all the things I should have said
After a while, I'll reminisce with a cup of coffee
while you finish your last cigar
and leave me thirsty again

the thoughts never go
i realize you are unavailable,
not because you are with someone
your lack of remorse hurts.

i don't desire to stroke your ego
so i merely keep it concealed;
although every time i visit you,
the caterpillars in my stomach develop wings.

your intoxicating chorus
eases my anxious mind;
your tender kiss
absorbed directly into my veins…

but i know i am not the
one who helps you fall asleep,
for i am a man who writes
about heartbroken cries

we as men don't want to hear that ****
for intimacy and emotional exposure is dangerous
and with so much at stake
why would you make your emotional sentiments so public

because of you
you, you, you, you, you
i obviously cannot tell you
so if someone resonates with me

i can feel love from someone, somewhere.