I just can't help but wonder

If by you saying "I love you"
Is just another way of saying "I love the feeling of you".

That your fantasy of us
Was just an illogical fallacy of lust
Because in truth, I fear you do not think with your heart-
In betrayal, I will always trust.

I wish we were back to those beautiful days;
The days where we would pick strawberries,
On the coats of Norway-
Swing carelessly, on the seasides of Whales.

Now, we just pick fights on the depths of our insecurities,
Say careless, arrogant things out of spite-
I miss when "I love you", wasn't an apology.

Maybe you can love me for real this time,
and not like the times we've shared.
I hope that one day "I love you" will mean no more
than just a few words to show mediocre affection-
And I won't need it as my life line,
Or my everlasting addiction for approval from you.

Maybe one day, we won't even have to say
"I love you",
Because on that day, we wouldn't have to wonder
What the answer would be.

For once, I deserve that.

Will you yearn for me?
Will you be there to weep and call my name?
Will you reminisce the remembrance of what we are?
Will you still wish for me in every shooting star?
Will you still pray for me during Sunrise?
And feel my warmth when you lull yourself at Sunset?
Will you still give me a part of your heart?
And revere the mark I left in your soul?

Will you? When I'm gone?

As I lay silently onto this room –
A dulcet wistful moment comes to mind,
Over a love I can’t depart behind.

‘Twas a spot where it used to be my home,
Those old priceless times where I always roam.

A glimpse of your face so beauteous and kind,
Love unequaled and never will I find.

I evoke those restless nights in my room,
And to think of your fairness endlessly.

No matter how the years elapsed and untwine,
Still, I reminisced and loved your beauty.

Just your name! My heart reacts in a bind!

This poem’s made to refresh your memory,
To ease the solitude, and unwind.

Undertone,  the time spent on tone ,past circles where emotions ran high
Couch vibes, scary movies never missed in the pursuit to enjoy time never spent
But remeberence of that time in pink, fuschia It might have been
Times past , little pastimes shaded in sin
Nothing like the last time,  baked pizza and a smile for happiness that never hit past five five
It was too short now in a right mind, only memories left for good times
Water on the bless , your beautiful unoff for a lifetime
Yet that bullet never made it to my heart till rusted pistol never stopped time
I'm gone
I'm wrong
Now fly on while I sing along , you too cut on your don't fuvk with me flow

You're the divine Rock
The gem of my life
You read my soul like an open book
Filled my emptiness with your divine love
You're my oracle spirit
Enlightened my mind and woke me from the spell
You're my dominion
You took over my whole life
Brought down my fortress
Broke down every bonds
Nourished my soul
Fed my heart
I'm now awakened, the old me is gone
My eyes are wide open
I can see the perfect illusion
© Sonia Ettyang

They say the mind replays what the heart can't erase
It's such a shame that this story had to end before it even started
We might have drifted apart, but your path and mine crossed for a reason
For sure if our hearts were old friends then will probably meet again
Somewhere far away but not here not now
It's time to let this go, time to write this off and cut you off.
See the good in goodbye
© Sonia Ettyang