that moment I first saw you
I knew I was in trouble
you were too handsome
far too smart and too sweet
I knew I was in denial
you said these words to me
that compelled me to fall for you
lies probably
but I listened anyway
knowing this could be fiction
but hoping it was the truth
ever since you left
I have realized that I miss you
ever since you left
I look for you everywhere I go
and ever since you left
you cannot escape my mind
I was told to stop looking
so I did
then you appeared
and I told myself
that I wasn't looking for you
but maybe I was
and maybe you fooled me
into thinking I was special
rare and wonderful
did you mean that at all
now I don't think so
I am stuck on you
already
and it scares me intensely
all my options seem wrong
I cannot leave you
but I cannot stay
when you held me that first night
I knew I would never let that feeling go
when you stared into my eyes
and asked me
"what are you thinking about?"
I knew I couldn't tell you
because I would look like a fool to say
"you"

today I realized that
you haven't left my heart completely,
there is still so much more of
you in there,
I realized love was blind and
not even a thousands poems
will matter to you,
I realized I filled myself
with lies I didn't even believe,
I filled myself with hatred,
I realized I still give a ****
about you, I still think of you
when the night settles,
and no matter how many
playlists I make you and
no matter how many songs
will be written about you,
you will never look at me
the way I look at you,
and I'm sorry it took me
this long to realize
that I'm not worth your time,
no matter how many times
I see you in my eyes,
I realized we will never fit,
we don't match, no matter
how many times I try to
capture your attention
with my cherry lips and
emerald eyes.

I lost my mother a long time ago.
But you see, she is still breathing.
Still here.
But is she alive?

Bottles of wine stack up,
one by one,
on top of broken promises.

Pills are disappearing
but we all know
where they go.

"You call yourself a poet? A writer?" You said to me,
last night after I told you
how I feel.

So the poems I left for you,
I took away.
The book I've been working on,
I took away.

You said it four times.
The first time, I didn't actually believe you did.
The second time, my eyes ran cold.
The third time, I walked out the door.

The forth time, I realized you weren't
my mother.

Twinkle, twinkle you were right beside me
When I blink, there's no you that I see
I never expect nor I didn't see this coming around
Because all I know is we were happy, safe and sound


Run, run, run, as I shout your name
Thinking you're hiding and this is just a game
But then I found you, do you feel a little shame?
Even the sky cry hard as it started to rain


It feels like you stabbed my heart with an invisible knife
It might not bleed, but it hurts the same way
And I don't know if I can go on with this life
You left me hanging without a word to say


But then I woke up at 2am
I realized I should listen to them
You're not the guy to cry every night
I deserve better and I know this is right


All those I love you's, forever and always
Are now become words that just go to waste
But still I want you not to forget those little things
And the girl who loves the fading sound of strummed guitar strings.