What is freedom?
The feeling of being free
From the fear?

What is freedom?
The ablity to reach out
And someone reaches in return?

What is freedom?
The thirst for the sky?
And it dosent come
From sucide?

Have you ever held someone for the last time?

But not physically.

Have you held the thoughts, the memories, the love, the pain, the vulnerabilities, the pictures, the songs, the texts and secrets of someone for the very last time..?



I have.





Have you ever told a lie that held some truth?

But not completely mean it.

Have you ever told someone that you're okay, when you're depressed, miserable, and completely torn apart. But yet in some twisted, and sick way you are okay. Because unhappiness is all you've ever known...?



I have.






Have you ever broken someones heart?

But didn't regret it.

Have you ever put your heart on the line for someone you value above and over anyone and anything in this world, but broke your own heart in the process because what was best for them, wasn't best for you..?



I have.



Have you ever wanted to just not feel anymore?

But you're in love with pain.

Have you ever just wanted to take a bottle of pills, or walk out in front of a moving car just because, life is too hard. You don't want to be alive anymore but yet, in all the chaos, you find peace in your misery because out of everything that never stays. Out of everything that changes and altars, it's always been there for you. To wrap you up in a blanket of depression and tuck a pillow of anxiety under your head. While singing a song of your worst fears as you close your eyes and drift into a second reality filled with the monsters in your head.

I have.


Have you ever fallen in love..?

But not in reality.

Have you ever fallen in love with the imagination of something that you know you'll never reach, touch, hold, find, or ever see. Have you ever fallen in love with the pictures the demons in your head paint? Have you ever written down how you feel into a million tiny words then set fire to them and watch them go up in smoke much like your efforts, and possibly entire life..?

I have.

When will I learn it is not who you are?
It is who you should be.
When will I learn it's not what I get?
It's what I give.
When will I learn it's not when you do something?
It's how well you will do it.
When will I learn that I am not perfect but I must not fail.
When will I learn?
It's not all about me but about you too.
all these things are a lesson in life.
some of them are good some are bad.
But what you will chose will have the same question every time you get mixed up in life.
Not just When will I learn?
but when can I do it?
How can I do it?
and can I do it?

is spending more time
waiting than moving,
living?

If so:

is spending more time
remembering than making,
mourning?

There's a demon in my house.
Nobody knows the route it took to be... but there are theories.

Some believe that it fills the gaps in broken families,
Others that its welcomed in by misfortune and tragedy.


And I?
I think it has been here all along.

At first, its hard to notice the demon is even there.
Once where  joy resided, only a  dull ache is felt.
But before long it spreads until one is beside it.
Next to the demon.
The world begins to fade into a illusionary grey haze.

So
so
slowly.

Infact, by the time you realize its been living with you... in you... its been days.
Your chest is as hollow as the now empty packs and bottles
that you think may solve this sorrow.

But you're wrong.

Once it is let in,
there
is
no
exercising....
this demon named depression.