the propensity for my softness towards women came in gravitational rotations
it came slowly and it came all at once
I saw her seeing me and it dawned on me; I would never know what it meant to be sensitive
if it did not move me that as I performed femininity as an indulgence, she would love femininity, always, in a way that could not be accurately "performed".
I considered what its performance meant to her, then saw her laugh.
I thought about the freedom to move and play with my own femininity like a toy
it came slowly and it came all at once
I saw her seeing me and it dawned on me
elliptical I become thrown into orbit a little blue planet curious as my mind revolved around the harshness
and pure gentle nature if only an idea of this singularity, a Feminine Sun
If it did not make me soft... that I felt I could like girls if only I wanted to and I could forget whenever ill suited.
I never had to own my rare passing thoughts of girls. But what if, those had been the only desires I had ever known.
what if my love for women were to be so obvious to the world that it became pointless to deny it??
well how soft i'd become.. How humble and thoughtful. I wanted to give her my pride
I could fathom no gifts my heart could offer her; softness. not when I could slip in and out of sight
So hold me there.. So take my pride. I will offer my love for you to the world
will you take me then? please take me I will make myself so humble and so soft.
I will try to pay for the years you have spent hiding and I have not.
Let me tell the world that you are the world. Please just tell me I am pure
The first girl I ever tried to like was straight and trying to feel an involuntary crush on her was intangible for me. We emulated each other constantly out of curiousity and love and amusement. I could only make believe I was infatuated with her even though it felt good and worked nicely for us.
The first girl I ever had a crush on was so very different from me that thinking about her made me question femininity entirely. There was no way to write my feelings off as jealousy or empathy or need to emulate her or even as our relatable similarities.
from then I had to reconsider myself... I also had to consider other people more deeply and ultimately more complex-ly.
Naturally since reconsidering myself and finding new consideration for others, the relationships between myself and others... have gotten more difficult to describe. All the gay poetry I write is literally In Wonder of that realization for me<3
People have often told us we are similar And for me I fell in love kept up through the chemicals
I rely on
i've been warm to the core for the chemistry we rely on
disagree that the pain here's ephemeral we've been in a mass casualty fire just for the chemicals We rely on
This is a blurry incoherent interpretation of "Similar" by Tora and not my own authentic original words quite. But feeling grateful for the love I have been getting this week as I redefine what control over my learning looks like...
As I try to prioritize my learning and health and ...the applicability of my learning to my broader world curiousity.
grateful that Ya Habib is anti-institution and is quick to question my school rather than question me. People I value believing in me has been giving me the strength to map this **ishtshow out<333 🍓🌱
As long as you love me I sleep curled up in your arms
well under the bed it is warm and dark so soft a safenest a pillowfort
a petite cave where i
I turn off. Its not up for debate
Lovingly i shut out it gets dark so innocent.
C l e a r numbers
a r m s e a ch
t r u u uue jo oo o oyyy
very soft .
This is a prayer I wrote over a year ago. I didn't realize it was a prayer.
I have been in love with them for over a year now. I have manipulated my emotions and braced myself and curbed myself and my appetiate. But I let my guard down. I let myself feel for them. For others I've fallen for. Trying to let myself feel it for them. Feel it, all of my amity. All to find that when it comes to me, all they want is me. I'm slowly learning what that means.
The way my soul lights up when they are near. A perfect concoction of a mysterious and asymmetrically stirred mixture. I over flow with love for this human being. WHO are they to me??! <3
I have forever to ask all the questions. For now all I know. All I have known of them from them because of them is;love.
There are roses in your coming through the airwaves your voice tingles down my spine
and held in loving suspension we are pure frozen in time delayed gratification and I can't believe the reward
my ears get hot and tummy swims in circles god before you touch me i cannot
and i tell you this; i cannot i whisper this pleading into your eyes i cannot my god i moan this to you in surrender taken over like the war is over and now i'm melting
because you think i taste so good melted And i know there are roses in your voice because they bloom for me
from your tongue velvet and soft for me and then strong for me rugged and firm like rocks for me
your voice and your attention my reward my reward my reward
I want you to feel within your core im in awe of you
im just arrested see? watching your roses im wide eyed, tied; take such pleasure in arresting me .
a poem for when the sounds i make with my mouth aren't the words of praise that I want to come out (especially in queerplatonic relationships and quasiqueerromantic friendships)... and a poem of gratitude for people who like to remind me of the things i don't need others' permission for. im so alive about that profound encouragement.