we self regulate
like a thermostat.
How did I come
to deserve that from you?

How did I come to
deserve your gratitude
and understanding and
love?

To explain would be
to miss the point.



so much can pass over
my head when I feel loved.
a lot of imagined danger
the inertia of sadness

I've had moments of
fight fight fight

where love started
to cure my depression
and I fought it like the
Plague because I knew

once the love was gone
maybe quickly
darkness would settle again

and it would;
a maze through the
back yards
and wide wide windows
and wider white walls
and my heart would sink
at the darkness of car windows.

I would swallow hard
and call it a day

Seemingly abyssal in darkness compared
to the hopeful glow of
love and closeness.
And dedication.

Dedication i'll never be
entitled to.
I didn't want to want
something I couldn't
own.

I can never own you.
I will never own your love.


sometimes I get
scared about how healing
it is.

You call me sunshine
in the rain and I love.
And I am hurt and you
know so you wait.

And I know.
So I work. I want to
give you my best.

And sometimes my best
is exhaustion.
And I think;
Its too early for this.
Exhaustion like I have
done so much.

I'm too young to be
exhausted.

And I think I.
fight fight fight
to love myself because
my little emerald wonder

you seem to enjoy
loving me so much.
And you are in awe of
my joy in loving you.

I want that love to
be a renewable resource.

you say "after we are over",
like the future, bright,
holds so much
I want that love to
be a renewable resource

We both saw a flurry of lilac
Maybe same day, wildly different feelings
in our hearts

We both wrote poems about
Jacaranda Trees, I named mine Jacaranda wild
You named yours every
sensation
I felt
blooming
in the sleepy bedroom town
all green, all home, wholly my own
where maybe
I first bloomed

We both wrote poems about
Jacaranda Trees and you dialed
and it rung

"Habibi", you would say softly
"I wrote a poem". I want to hear it
And its every softness of my childhood

I can see your emerald eyes
Seeing what I'm seeing
heart beating, feeling it all
differently


We share dreams in verses
you weave the revolution
cryptically into my heartstrings
you tell me in poetry
you tell me sweetthings

"Ya Sattar, thats wonderful,
Ca n I hear it?"