Melting into the warmth that is you,
Melting into the dream that came true.

I am in understanding
That I have no control
Over all the thoughts, sensations, and feelings
That I experience
At any given time
I accept this fact
To give me power
Over my reaction
To enable my ability to reply.

Wayward thoughts, I think far ahead of myself. Stuck in my ways of a procrastinating thought, at least in the times I don’t know what to do.
Seems like there’s a lot of pressure nowadays. Alas with my careless
ways; of not caring at all for myself. Involved in the opinions of others, likely more than I listen to facts.

Sigh! Every piece I write feels like a sorrowful love letter to my past
self. That child would never sleep peacefully; knowing what future he
has to wake up to. But I need that younger me to keep on dreaming, for me to have something to believe in, (to hope in ) at these critical
moments.

But what about the future self? Do I even have the strength to bite on
my nerves; to remind him of current events? Writing in a diary I’ll
forget about in the coming years. Whether he becomes a success or
not, how long do I have to wait for the answer?

Longer than the patience I hold in my hands. Time fades away like a pair of jeans, worn out by the wearing anxiety of life. A button missing, with the threads sticking out. I've stuck out plenty, but few of the times that put me at an advantage. Foreign are my lips; by a tongue speaking blessings, that it feels like an unfamiliar language.

The pain never ends, but moves onto another. To change face, but still the first face you'll see in the morning. So perhaps the only thing I'll say to my past, and future self is, "I'm sorry"

𝙸𝚏 𝚠𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠?
𝙸𝚏 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚠𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢?

𝙽𝚘 𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚢 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎,
𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚗𝚢?
𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚋𝚘𝚠?

𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎
𝚘𝚛 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑?
𝙴𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎.

𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎,
𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚒𝚎.
𝚃𝚘 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎.
𝚃𝚘 𝚌𝚛𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚘𝚗.
𝚃𝚘 𝚕𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢,
𝚠𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗' 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐
𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝.
𝚃𝚘 𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕.

𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚌𝚔 𝚘𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚝!
𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚏*𝙲𝙺 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕?

𝚃𝚒𝚖𝚎,
𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗,
𝚆𝚎 𝚐𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎.
𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚠𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎; 𝚗𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚜
𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚕.
𝙾𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚊 𝚟𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚝𝚢 𝚜𝚙𝚊𝚌𝚎 ..
𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚒𝚝?

𝚃𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚠𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚑𝚎𝚗𝚍.
𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚢?
𝚃𝚘 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎.
𝚃𝚘 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍.

𝙻𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝.
𝚂𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍
𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗
𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑.

I stand here at the doors of a strange land
Being bid farewell by the parting band
Behind me the bridge burnt by me
I seek the keys to my destiny

I look at the rubble called past
Ahead apprehension and opportunities are cast
Failure, hurt and envy are pitted
Against the edifice I hope to build

I love the person I've become/but I hate the person I had to be to get to her/ I wouldn't write the younger years out/for fear of who that would shape her to be today/that is you would find a completely different person/still bathing in lukewarm water/or lost at sea in a turbulent trapped mind/unaware/and yet I wish I could pick and choose/to remove those images, those words, the fighting/not all the bad/but the biggest of these./Who would she be?

you shifted constantly
your form became that of a million bodies
and so, from everyone I saw,
I felt you staring back at me

we locked eyes

(I find your pupils in the eye of a storm)
(swirling in clouds of every colour)
(I remember you from before)
(I remember you in my dreams)
((I see you standing on a cliff))
((your silhouette drowning in an ocean of grey))
(((It’s raining)))
(((The Ocean is alive,)))
((((it’s speaking to you,))))
(((((but I can only hear the crashing,)))))
((((((crashing of the waves))))))

you closed your eyes
I looked away
but still I wonder...
if you’d drift away
too...

🌙 🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙
at the confluence
where the rivers
of the past and future merge,
there
in that tranquil present,
time and i cease to exist.

dissolved like sugar in water,
to be one with
that crescent bearing jewel
who’s ever pure like white jasmine
🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

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