everywhere is the smell of you.
its not unpleasant. the *****
offends the nose, i will admit,
but you can hardly be blamed,
and everything else is fine,
and you are doing ok.
i love you, i love you, we said that
a lot. and that’s ok! for we are
friends. and friends love one another.
if i’m honest my memory is hazy.
i know i tried to help you —
held back your hair,
kept you upright,
walked you back to the safety of home,
and held on to you.
it was silly of course,
i knew you would be fine,
but god knows a very
loud part of me could not
bear to see you like that.
in any case, you’re ok now, and that
is All That Matters.
there’s nothing to analyse here.
i know there’s nothing at all to see,
to notice, but i haven’t stopped trying.
because i know i love you —
i knew it so clearly then, and
i know it just as clearly now.
i can’t help but wonder if that’s it.
do i love my friend, my best friend,
the best friend i could ask for
or is there something else at play
here, something i’ve locked away,
something more intense.
i don’t want to believe it.
so i focus on the i love you
because i know it’s true.
i feel it so clearly and so strongly,
more colourful than anything else i’ve felt
in years. i love you, and i know you love me too
but nonetheless i will lie
awake and ashamed
of the vast realm of possibilities
for hidden meanings to those words
i drunkenly slurred to you that night.
i will have to keep looking
under the surface of that i love you.
