When you left, it was devastating. I was at the point where out of nowhere I'll just cry. Whenever I see or hear something which reminds me of you, it makes me sad. I almost thought it was impossible for me to move on. It was hard. Really hard. You're my first relationship so it was difficult for me to get over you. After the break up, I still hoped. I still talked to you. Whenever your mom invites me to come over, I do come.
Until the time when you found someone else. You've found a new love. And yet, here I am, moving on. The moment I knew that you have a new lover, I stopped everything. I did not talk to you anymore and even to your Mom. As a respect to your girlfriend, I did that.
A few months after, you invited me for dinner. Yes, I admit, that time I still have feelings for you and I miss you so bad so regardless of you being in a relationship, I accepted your invitation. We talked. We did catch up with each other's lives and when we're about to part, you kissed me on the forehead just like the old times. I was surprised. I don't know if it meant something. You whispered "i miss you". I said I miss you too. After that, we bid goodbye. I felt so guilty with what happened. I shouldn't have gone there to meet you. You have a girlfriend and it didn't look right. It didn't feel right. That night, I decided that it'll be the last but you kept texting me, asking me out again. And out of stupidity, I entertained you. Why? Because I miss you and I still do feel something for you.
To cut the story short, we got back together. That time you invited me once again, you broke up with her. You said you kept comparing her to me and that I'm still the one you love. I was happy but I felt bad for the girl. We gave our relationship another shot but as time goes by, I keep realizing things. It's making me confused. The truth is, I don't know if it was right that we're together again and the worst, I am not sure if I still love you or I just missed you. I don't know. And right now, I'm struggling. Thinking if we should continue this. The butterflies are fading. The feelings aren't as sweet as it was before. I guess I already moved on from our break up and I did not realize it until we met and did the same things again. I feel like this is not something that must go on anymore.
I guess what they said was true, that giving something another shot will help you get to know what you really feel and what you have to do. At this point of our relationship, I still do care for you but I don't think care is enough for this to work. For us to work. It may sound unfair to you but let me not care. Let me do something selfish at this point of my life. At least right now I figured out what I truly feel.
Second chances aren't always about two people ending back together but it is something that will help you find yourself. Another chance to make the right choices. Another chance t figure out things. Another chance to take one more risk. Another chance to be better not for anyone bur for yourself. Learn to find your center before loving someone else again.
And I think I'm falling...finally falling out of love. Just when I thought I couldn't, it's still you who made me realize that I could
