I held up that grand quilt in my tiny hands, thoughts rushing past my mind.

That denim piece splattered with red paint,
ah, remember when you wore that for the first time as you picked carrots with Dad?

That cotton piece filled with a vibrant orange,
how could you forget? That was the dress you wore to your first ever play recital.

That baby pink rayon piece,
you wore that on the first day of high school, you could not forget.

That grey wool piece,
that was your Christmas present, and you wore it near the fire. You spilled hot coco on it.

That rare purple leather,
that is too important to forget. Remember, it was the jacket you wore on you first date.

That blue flannel piece,
you loved that one. You wore it all the time, ever since the first time you wore it when you won “best speaker” at a school competition.

That brown cupro piece,
you wore that to your mother's birthday, the one where she got promoted to L.A.

That green polyester piece,
never can forget, could you? That was the shirt you wore when Dad and Mom divorced.  

That white lyocell piece,
you wore it at your graduation party, and your whole family was there.

That barkcloth piece,
it was a day to remember, you united with you brother once again in that dress.

That calico piece,
you wore that to the hospital when Granddad got a heart attack.

That black and white damask piece,
that was so beautiful, so you kept it for your dinner. Which you hadn't realized was your engagement dinner with your boyfriend.

That red gingham piece,
wow, that was the time you met your dad's girlfriend. And Mom had not moved on.

That black lace piece,
a day never to forget. It was the funeral of your Granddad’s, and that was the dress you wore.

That grey gauze piece,
it was the shawl you wore when you visited your grandma, and found out she was ill of depression.

That amazing white gazar piece,
a memorable day. It was the dress you wore to you wedding.

That turquoise silk piece,
too soon after your wedding. It was the part of the purse you took to your Grandma's funeral. *

That white and blue jacquard fabric,
that was the fabric you had for your curtains, when you moved into your own house.

That leopard print intarsia piece,
it was an amazing day. Your mother visited you the first time in your new home. The both of you cried with the rain pouring outside. Nothing could have ruined that beautiful moment together, united.

That satin cobalt blue piece,
that dress you wore to the dinner with your parents and husband. Only to later realize that you brother had met with an accident.

That exotic lantana piece,
you remember, don't you? You wore that dress when you met your brother days later, severely hurt.

That red lace piece,
you went to London with your husband wearing that. You were so excited.

That madras piece,
it came from that cushion out of the four your husband bought you.

That cream organdy piece,
your mother had found it in her closet, a dress from her mother's, and wanted to give it to you.

That deep purple paisley piece,
you wore that on the day your mother died.*

And like that, all the thoughts came back to me. All the pieces of my past, fit in together. But it never made sense – that was how my life worked. And there were more pieces, more parts, to fit together, until my life was spread out in front of me. Like a patched quilt.

I remember you telling me before that you saw yourself as a jigsaw puzzle.* I never understood you then because why would you compare yourself with a thing that requires pieces. You explained that you have 6 pieces in you, pieces that made you, created you. Pieces that were the reason for the person you are today, pieces that helped you function, in other words, pieces that made you whole. That was why you called yourself as a 6 piece jigsaw puzzle. But then one day, you told me all of those pieces were missing. You said someone or something took it away from you and you have no idea how to get them back. You explained to me thoroughly how they were removed from you. The first piece was removed when you were in your room one night, hearing your parents fight, yelling and arguing, telling hurtful things to each other. So you decided to put some headphones on and played some music so you wouldn’t hear their shouts but then they barged into your room saying one of them is leaving and you have to decide which one of them you are coming with, you pretended to not hear them but deep inside of you, even though how loud the volume was, it suddenly stopped without you muting it, because all you could hear was their love for each other slowly fading away. The second piece was removed when one day some unwanted visitors came into your house and they told you they call themselves as demons and that they brought you things that you cannot possibly return; you opened the boxes and see that those things were called depression and anxiety. The third piece was removed when your so called best friends told you they were always there for you but when you were sitting on a bathroom floor filled with blood and hopelessness nobody came to pick you up.  The fourth piece was removed when you someone told you they will help you find those lost pieces but one day she was just not there, and instead of finding the missing ones, one of the remaining was lost again. The fifth piece was removed when you saw him, the love of your life, loving another being that wasn’t you and when you asked why he told you he just couldn’t deal with someone who was like a puzzle that wasn’t solved, you were about to tell him you were once the one he was looking for but then he told you, oh scratch it, a puzzle that could never be solved. And the last and final piece was removed, because life took it away from you. And then suddenly all of those pieces were lost.


I want to help you, i want to do everything just to find those pieces. But you’ve got to help yourself also. You are the biggest help you need, and maybe, just maybe, those pieces can be found in the most unexpected places. Perhaps the first piece can be found when you’re listening to your favourite song and the lyrics felt like blankets that comfort you when it’s cold and suddenly it felt like home. First piece found. Perhaps it’s the feeling of waking up at 5:30 in the morning, feeling ******, and when you went outside, you saw the sunrise, and realised that somehow you can rise again like that. Second piece found. Maybe it was sitting in a cafe, sipping unnecessary caffeine, looking at the people who were passing in front of you, thinking of how much they’ve been through, and still surviving like you, and somehow that made you feel better, that’s why your face formed an unnecessary smile. Third piece found. Maybe it was when it rained so hard, but it doesn’t compare to your tears, you cried and cried, as the rain poured and poured, then the rain suddenly stopped and the sky formed a rainbow, you looked at it and think that maybe your tears can form colours too. Fourth piece found. Perhaps it’s when you can’t sleep at night, so you just look at your scars, before you thought they were ugly and disgusting, they did nothing to you but made you remember how much of a mess you are, but now you look at them in a different way, they weren’t battle scars, because battle was an understatement on how difficult the things they had overcome. And now you see them as a reminder of how much of a soldier you are. Fifth piece found. And maybe, it was when you decided to go to an art museum, you were fascinated by the wonderful paintings, then you thought, you used to be like those works of art; beautiful and important. But then you suddenly heard one painting, whispering you something, it said, a masterpiece is still a masterpiece no matter how broken it is. Sixth piece, and final piece, found.


So, darling, If by means life took those away from you, you should do everything to get those back. And yes, you will tell me, nothing can bring back those pieces anymore, but you can be a puzzle piece that is solved without the pieces you had before, you can find those pieces without asking for help, you can find those on your own, you can make pieces all by yourself. It doesn’t matter how fast you puzzled it out, the only thing that matters is that you solved it. *You solved the jigsaw puzzle. You solved you.  **And guess what? You will be whole again. You will realise you always was, and that is the reason you will not let anyone or anything, change that again.

They say God works in mysterious ways…let’s hope this young genius boy proves God’s ingenious ways. A poet, profoundly compound, some say he was Godly driven. Finally, a chance proudly found, he was to prove himself in poetry Godly given. It was nearing winter, writers and poets shiver… as each prepare to prove, they’re not just a sinner. It was the ultimate ‘spoken word’ talent search, respect goes to the winner. He has been waiting for this moment all his life.  
His stream of consciousness was so deep; he never saw the way, busy sharpening ciphers in mind and bag crafting the perfect knife. The streets of Hillbrow hailed him in, like the seat of death row kills the men. The taxi driver forgot him and took a detour by accident. Our talent was left dumb-founded, unaware; he dropped off at the core of Esselen.  Just a blink, the exit of a bullet hole brought him home; he was caught in a triangle of beasts, the piece demanded his phone and so he reached…but there’s no trust amongst thieves, so the piece found peace in a heart hole. The heat from his chest made him dizzy; he realised the bullet must’ve went in…he felt his soul…and so he fell and found peace in God’s hole…piece was just glad it’s over, plus he was on drugs and **** so it really did not matter. The others were excited over the money they could consume from the cell phone to escape being sober, piece just watched…and took what was left, the bag. Somehow this time Victory didn’t feel so good, he left unnoticed ‘coz he felt it was a nag.  He knew the demons were coming later that night for what he did. In his mind rolling trees nightly pushes the clock of insanity anti; he has to blunt to fight the dead. He arrived at his place he calls it the ‘cave’, he closed the door, threw the bag on the floor, and rolled a blunt as he sat on his favourite place, many call it a crate. The trees had him focused on the bag what’s inside? He tried to ignore it ‘coz he knew it was the **** burning his curiosity inside, but nevertheless gave into his own insight. He opened the bag, and found papers, papers and papers…he went on a rampage crying, he found nothing for buying and felt like dying, to replace the Man he killed for papers, papers and papers…Time passed and somehow the sun kept shining through his nightmares, day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, he read each page with sight and care. piece even learned how to utilize the dictionary, he tried to show his friends, but they sparked jealousy ‘coz in him they could sense a flair. piece went on and dug deeper, he felt the dead man’s poetry and wanted to know more about life, he started reading the newspaper. His friends, his only family thought he’s strange, piece again tried to explain the change ‘coz once in while he would smoke fire with Rastafari, they taught him to take time for soul searching, death comes at any age. It’s true, piece was changing…he even started writing poetry, but always wondered…will people listen to a background of poverty? One day, piece was taken by surprise; one of his friends showed him an article on the newspaper about the man he killed. The Police failed to find the killer, so the case was sealed. piece felt pain when he read about the dead man’s mission and immediately understood the burden he carried to continue that mission. The article was also based on a Tribute that was to take place that winter. Piece knew what he had to do to prove he’s not just a sinner. Winter came with flu’s and coughs, piece came with dos and don’ts. He managed to arrive at the place where the Tribute was held. He heard poetry recitations in progress, heartfelt and felt a bit nervous, but for some reason he looked up and said help. Unexpectedly, piece didn’t know he had to pay to get in, ‘coz he saw white men just go in. He knew he smelt bad, the doorman kept touching his nose; piece always said his armpits have a mind of its own. The doorman found hate quick and pushed piece to the ground like he’s sick, organisers saw…piece stood up, picked up his papers as tears fell down, a bit hurt but even more his heart was sore. Organisers asked him why he came, piece said it’s not a game, it’s about his name. He was told the recitations were to end, hence he pleaded if he could just blend. He was not prepared to give up on the Late just because a commotion says it’s too late, therefore he climbed on the stage and said,

“I killed a Man, your Tribute through him I found peace…
Listen why I call this poem, piece!”

Its slow but will be fast
Im beginning to feel weak inside myself
I feel like im tearing apart
And so the blades have appeared inside my life once again
Undoing my strength,
I have no more courage
Im so afraid to step ahead,
When im being forced to stay behind
Memories fade,
But the ones that stay, hurts
Im being tortured
And im bleeding until i faint
Fears haunt,
But the ones that really hurt;
Make me cry until i drown
Moods have grown
But the ones that ruin me,
Are the ones that are dangerous to me and everyone else
My breathing is changing on me
And when i hyperventilate;
It continues till i fall to the ground
Piece by piece im failing
One piece at a time
Piece by piece im disappearing
Each piece is my body and mind
Its stripping me
Its tormenting me
Is this ever going to end
Its scaring me
Its hurting me
Each piece is going to bend
One piece at a time,
Each time is a negative outcome
One piece at a time,
Each time its coming off of me
Im slowly disappearing
These pieces from my body are tearing easily
And im in no control
Im slowly vanishing
These pieces one at a time;
And this time is speeding up
Soon ill be gone
Soon ill be forgotten
One piece to scream
One piece to cry
One piece to have anger
One piece to hyperventilate
One piece is my eye;
I cannot see
One piece is my nose;
I cannot breathe
One piece is my mouth;
I cannot speak
One piece is my ears;
I cannot hear
2 pieces of my arms;
I cannot reach
2 pieces of my legs;
I cannot run away
3 pieces of my mind, body, and soul
Now my pieces are scattered on the floor
Like an impossible puzzle,
I cannot put myself back together again

We all want a piece
A piece of this
A piece of that
Our piece of the pie
Straddled up with a jet pack
Its my piece of the sky
Trying for piece
Lying for piece
We'll all have a piece
Piece of cake
Spelling piece right
Brandishing pieces
For a chance at a piece
Fighting for piece
Dying for piece

And never finding inner harmony
I threw my piece away
And found my peace

A piece of you..IS ENOUGH..

My dearest,it's a privilege for me to have known your heart.
It's been an honor to have heard your past,your thoughts and even the normal to chaotic things that's happening in your life but best of all it's been a blessing to have loved you.

I am not asking much of you my dearest..
Only this moment to make you feel loved by me. I have no expectations..
The fact that you have love me in return is ENOUGH.
Enough to say to myself,****,i am lucky..because i have loved and love a person who had given me more.
Do you know what you gave me dearest?
Not just the gift to be loved back..BUT YOU GAVE ME one thing that i lost so many years ago..MYSELF.
Time and again i have said thank you to you,many times i have shown you my gratitude because i am truly and entirely grateful to you.You gave me back my life and even changed me..

I am like an old house,renovated completely by you.
Everyday,you had fixed me.Every broken window of my soul,every cracks in the walls of my heart and holes in the ceilings of my life,you change it and fixed it.
In return,i am slowly rebuilding myself..and will never stop rebuilding myself till the windows of my soul is completely open to invite fresh air of adventures inside my life.I will never stop cementing the cracks of my heart till its clear enough to let something wonderful inside it forever and i will never stop repairing the ceilings of my life till its good enough to withstand the strongest storms and winds that will come.

You gave my life a GO..and i am pushing forward to be better.I am not asking much my dearest.
A piece of you is enough.A piece of you is enough NOW.
To have you in my life now is whats important to me.I am here,even if you lash out hurtful words or give me the sourest mood because you had given me yourself in the time i am totally ******* up and when everyone in my life had whipped me painfully and wiped me out of their lives.

You have stood by me and taught me well..
Yes you had given me the hardest tasks,i cried several times when you get mad at me for failing your instructions..You pushed me so hard and break me..But in the end,You gave me another thing back and that is my voice..My voice which can now speak bravely what's in my mind and what's in my heart..

A piece of you is enough..a piece of your time is enough..Enough to make me smile the whole day like a fool..a piece of you is enough to make me happy.You make me happy.I hold every little piece of you and your time here in my heart everyday like a rare diamond.

You might say i am thinking only through my heart but whats the use of thinking with your mind?a mind can deceive a thought spoken but a heart does not.So here i am speaking to you,with my heart on my hand with only three words on my lips..I LOVE YOU..I love you and i love you enough to tell you,your past doesn't matter to me..I love you and you and whoever close to you matters to me.YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS TO ME.

Forgive me my dearest if i tell you my silly dreams.Dreams and wishes that one day,someday,i got to be where you are,make silly plans for me and you.Silly dreams that i can take care of you or make you pancakes in the morning..Hold you close at night to ease your mind,kiss your forehead when things hurt you so much and squeeze your hand just because i want you to feel my strength beside you..Just to say "baby,things are gonna be okay..in the meantime can i buy you an ice cream just to take your pain away?"

Those are silly dreams my dearest from someone who loves you dearly.I am not expecting it to happen..those are just dreams,nice and sweet thoughts to let you know that somewhere someone wishes for you..someone cares for you.

I can't offer you much,just this dreams and my heart.Yes,those are dreams my dearest,dreams and plans are two different things..I do want to make plans with you but we definitely don't know where life,our lives are heading too..

Sorry my dearest,if i scared you with my plan to go to where you are..But like i said..With or without you..Please be glad that i am moving forward.I don't expect much,i don't expect anything at all..To love you now and have this moment with you now is ENOUGH..

You need not to worry if you're going to hurt me,because you're not going to hurt me.And if you may hurt me,that's okay my dearest..Only words bleeds..nothing more..People come and go in our lives..But what matters is..they came.What matters to me is that YOU CAME..

A piece of you is enough..I don't know what happens in the future,you don't know that too..A piece of you now is enough..a piece of you that i love.Love enough to say my future is bright..i don't know what the future will bring but i am pretty sure now that its going to be wonderful.I will be better..I will fulfill my dreams.I sure want you to be by my side and hold your hand..And say "baby,look at me,i did well" but if not..Like you said awhile ago,if i bumped into you and you have someone new,I'll just smile and say "hi.i did well and guess what,i tasted the best fries here in Amsterdam because of you."

You need not to worry if you will hurt me I LOVE YOU.I AM NOT LIKE THE OTHERS IN YOUR PAST.always remember one thing..You and i are FRIENDS..we started that way.REAL FRIENDS DON'T HURT ONE ANOTHER.If one changes..the other UNDERSTANDS.i will always understand..Even when you said a while ago that you will cut me off entirely,i will still understand..because loving is understanding and loving is wishing only happiness for one another..The wind may blow in different direction but i want you to know A PIECE OF YOU IS ENOUGH AND A WHOLE OF ME WILL ALWAYS BE HERE,HERE TO WISH YOU NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE HAPPY..ALWAYS..

I love you,a piece of you is enough..knowing you is enough..you are enough.