Buried in the walls of an abandoned house
You will find my morality, integrity and values
How can I be holy in a holocaust?
Shame has stripped away my humanity
And left me with volumes of despair
Shuttered into my wrinkled world*

Watching her smile at me from yellowed newsprint
And creased photographs in which everyone looks
The same, except for her. A haunting spirit which
Possesses even the cellulose and ink I clutch
In my trembling hands. Trophies of a brilliant life
That once snagged on a sharpened shard, began to
Unravel amidst Hope and Happiness and Honor
I flagellate myself with memories of walks and
Trips and fights. No amount of self-mortification
Is sufficient to satisfy the demons which torment
Me, nor the angels which mourn her. No penitence
Can relieve me of the yoke I'm burdened with of
Anger, Remorse, and Resentment. No purgatory
Sentence can properly prepare me for a pardon
Volumes of thought left behind in word and
Picture offer little solace to my fractured feelings
Left here to reassemble this life alone
This daunting task of overwhelming breadth
Leaves me with no answers, only the question
How can I complete the puzzle with a
Piece lost forever?

in high school
    i wrote my obituary.
i was certain i wouldn't make it
                        past age eighteen.
i figured                                          
since my future was so clouded,
                 it was not invisible;
               it was nonexistent.
it seemed                                        
others could look ahead to their dreams,
                                                    but not me.
i figured                                          
it would be some freak accident.
a car crash
or a robbery.
don't ask me why.
that's just what i thought.

                    but here I am
          almost twenty.
look at me now.
my future is still uncertain,                      
          and i don't know where my path will lead,
                               but i know for sure
that i want your footsteps to mark the dirt next to mine.
i can't quite see in the dark,                  
and i'm still finding my way.
but if the only definite thing for me right now
                    at the end
                             is you,
                                                  i am content.