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Looking for you
What else can I do
My heart is still lost
But its paid the cost
Of trusting your cover
And until I discover
More pain to numb this
I'll hold on to fake bliss
shipwrecked Nov 2020
today felt like I was a zombie walking through a ghost town
..broken..dreary..numb..
interally and externally
i'm officially not okay anymore
11/10/20 | 8:07pm
Lucid Nov 2020
I am two parts. One part is still a child. She is immature and lazy. She knows only to do, never to think. She never got to grow up. The other part grew up too fast. She is strict and wise. All she does is think and think and think. She never got to be a child.

Why does my husband only love me when it doesn’t interfere with his career?

Why does my mom only love me when people are watching?

I keep having this nightmare where I talk to people, but no one hears me because I’ve lost my voice. I’ll scream at them and they won’t even spare me a glance. You know, it’s crazy because it happens sometimes when I’m awake, too.

My dad is dying. I want to go to sleep.

My brother is dying. I would gladly take his place.

Caught somewhere between “I don’t need anyone” and “please come back to me."

He started hiding the liquor in the house. I don’t know whether to hug him or hit him.

I often think about my life. I’ve worked so hard to build a happy, healthy routine for myself - something safe. But I don’t feel safe. I feel like I can’t ******* breathe.

Why does 3 AM come and go so quickly?

Last year I cracked and gave my mom the link to my poetry page in hopes that maybe she'd start to see and feel things the way I do. The other day, I asked if she had kept up with it. She said she didn't know what I was talking about.

The holidays are upon us and I cannot go home. I cannot face it.

My youngest sister is getting baptized on Sunday. She wants me to be there for her. I would rather bleed myself dry than go…but I will go. This is what I do.

My writing is **** recently.

My therapist tells me to imagine that I'm in a room. I'm safe and no one can hurt me. No one is around, I am alone. Nothing can touch me. I feel nothing. I open my eyes but I'm still in that room. I'm still in that ******* room.

I was 4 years old. FOUR YEARS OLD. And it took years for me to realize my childhood had ended when I was just 4 years old.
idk why I keep posting here like it ******* matters. nothing matters
Nely Nov 2020
Between the hours of 4 and 6 a.m you can hear the earth whisper its favorite secrets. The sun always yawns awake, while the moon shy's away. They both live in this moment. Simultaneously fluffing the clouds underneath their cheeks, one falling asleep and one waking, they huddle on top of their pillows and listen to the earth tell its stories. A lot of times I am awake, and they soothe my worries away.  They accompany me when the walls hush me. They never turn me away, even when their parting. We huddle together and we balance our heads and listen to what the earth has to say. Sometimes it's sad, and she weeps. The tears fall hard across the pavement. We try an offer her tissue. Other days its gruesome and the coldness hurts my bones, we offer her warmth. Some days its lonely, we offer her our company. Some days they're happy, we offer her gratitude. No matter the story we listen. & she too listens. There's days I can't sleep so I tell all that runs through my mind, she doesn't judge and neither does the moon or the sun. Nowadays I feel lonely, but I know they're there and they offer me comfort, but somedays I turn them away because I don't feel anything. I feel empty. I turn numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. I feel misunderstood and even I don't understand what should be understood. But they never leave, they visit me from the hours of 4 am to 6 am and even when one shuts its eyes and the other opens one, I know they're there and they're rooting me on. Earth says I don't need to understand how I feel just yet, but sometimes I wonder how long is 'yet'. But to live in the now, but for now go to bed.
Give me an answer,
I'll give you a question.
Tell me your secrets,
And I'll make your thoughts fester.
Whisper under caged sheets
The horrors that drip like tears.
Share you numb thoughts
That slip from your lips.
I'll give you my word
As we're stuck in these silken moments,
That I'll give you my lips
And we'll share our dark thoughts
Because no one knows me
Like my reflection.
I speak in monologues
So I don't feel so alone.
I try to fill the empty pauses
with these skeletal thoughts,
Fragments of time locked in my words.

These numb dumb thoughts echo in my head.
Maybe I'll write them down
So my words will fill the empty spaces.
A compendium of romantic tragedies
Drunk in my trauma and
hope.

I'm just another moody poet
With no story to tell
Arya Noel Nov 2020
How can I explain to you
That the numbness isn't a lack of all emotion.
It's all the emotions crushed into my tiny heart.
It's bursting at the seams and I'm so overwhelmed
That I don't want any of it anymore.
That's what the numbness is.
Poetry Art Nov 2020
and suddenly
i dont want
to write
anymore
my mouth
seems too tired
to utter
a word
hands
are too numb
to write a prose
mind
is too blank
heart
is no longer beating
too fast
i
just
wanna write
no more
when writing is your escape but it seems too hard to even hold your pen
Kelly Hogan Nov 2020
It's like I'm living in small moments of
Other people's happiness.
But who's really 'happy' these days?
Useless ramblings of the numbness that only seems to grow.
Josh Hill Nov 2020
You know I’m
Here like stone
Waiting for you
To return.

I gave you all my love
And now it slowly fades away
Like the embers of the night
At dawn.

I’m cold to the touch,
Frozen like a glacier
Numb to the pain
Of you.

All I see since
You’ve been gone
Is the emptiness of everything
Around me.

I turn to stone
And when you return
You’ll find nothing but a garden statue
Awaiting you.
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