So many nights,
So many hours,
So many dreams wasted in the vast abyss
You act as though it's so easy
To simply close your eyes and slip away.
You tell me to just clear my mind as if
I haven't already tried.
And I ask you to spend a night in my head.
The endless train of thought driving you slowly to madness
As the artists in my head bicker with the engineers about the true meaning of beauty.
But just you wait.
You haven't seen the grand finale
Step in my shoes as my demons take over the night.
Scream with my voice as they torture the poor innocent souls in my heart.
Then tell me to clear my mind.
I have often heard myself say
That I cannot write a happy poem.
That my demons craft the words
Far more elegantly than my angels.
And thus far,
That statement has rung true.
But your bright eyes whitewash my aching soul.
Your smile melts my walls.
My demons forget their darkness.
My angles sing.
And in your arms, they are one and the same.
My heart pours out words my demons didn't even know existed,
And I know no pain.
So here it is.
My long overdue,
They always said
'To love others you must first love yourself.'
I was a seasoned veteran in self-hate.
But you....Oh god, you...
I loved you so much
That for even the briefest moment
I forgot how much I hated myself.
Then I fucked up
And remembered again.
And I showed you my hate
And you understood.
Then you hated me, too.
I always wanted to be loved
By someone who hurt me less than I hurt myself.
But you...Oh god, you...
You gave me the poison-dipped dagger that pierced my soul.
You got me hooked on your acid blood.
I was addicted to your grip around my throat,
I was addicted to every second of the pain.
You hurt me.
And I let you.
Because you made me believe
I was hurting myself.
And your tonic of pain was the only thing that would heal me.