Alexia Noel Oct 2017

How can I explain to you,
That the numbness isn't a lack of all emotion.
It's all the emotions crushed into my tiny heart.
It's bursting at the seems and I'm so overwhelmed
That I don't want any of it any more.
That's what the numbness is.

Alexia Noel May 2017

So many nights,
So many hours,
So many dreams wasted in the vast abyss
Of sleeplessness.
You act as though it's so easy
To simply close your eyes and slip away.
You tell me to just clear my mind as if
I haven't already tried.
And I ask you to spend a night in my head.
The endless train of thought driving you slowly to madness
As the artists in my head bicker with the engineers about the true meaning of beauty.
But just you wait.
You haven't seen the grand finale
Step in my shoes as my demons take over the night.
Scream with my voice as they torture the poor innocent souls in my heart.
Then tell me to clear my mind.

Alexia Noel May 2017

I have often heard myself say
That I cannot write a happy poem.
That my demons craft the words
Far more elegantly than my angels.
And thus far,
That statement has rung true.
But your bright eyes whitewash my aching soul.
Your smile melts my walls.
My demons forget their darkness.
My angles sing.
And in your arms, they are one and the same.
My heart pours out words my demons didn't even know existed,
And I know no pain.
So here it is.
My long overdue,
First
happy
poem.

Alexia Noel Apr 2017

How fucked up is it,
That now that I'm finally happy,
I can't seem to write.

Alexia Noel Mar 2017

They always said
'To love others you must first love yourself.'
Bullshit.
I was a seasoned veteran in self-hate.
But you....Oh god, you...
I loved you so much
That for even the briefest moment
I forgot how much I hated myself.
Then I fucked up
And remembered again.
And I showed you my hate
And you understood.
You understood...
Then you hated me, too.

hate hated self-hate love broken broken-hearted fucked fuck you
Alexia Noel Mar 2017

I always wanted to be loved
By someone who hurt me less than I hurt myself.
But you...Oh god, you...
You gave me the poison-dipped dagger that pierced my soul.
You got me hooked on your acid blood.
I was addicted to your grip around my throat,
I was addicted to every second of the pain.
You hurt me.
And I let you.
Because you made me believe
I was hurting myself.
And your tonic of pain was the only thing that would heal me.

Alexia Noel Mar 2017

Her eyes are the ever-changing, iridescent windows to her soul.
Such a precious object she trusts with so few people,
Maybe that's why she always look down when she speaks.

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